those days

Day 13 of

There are going to be days when you want to give up.

There are going to be days when you are overwhelmed with grief and disbelief.

There are going to be days when all you want to do is throw in the towel or scream or hit something or run away.

There are going to be days when you want to crawl into bed with a toffee almond symphony bar and watch pride and prejudice over and over, or you want to escape to Target and buy the first pretty thing you see and all the pretty things after that.

There are going to be days where all of it is just too much.  When hopeless tries to fight it's way back into your heart and convince you that all the gains you have made are nothing but a farce.  When hopeless tries to convince you that the Hope that was reigning in your life is worthless, is a lie that came from ignorance and that you are truly no better off than you were at the beginning.  

There are going to be days like that.  Today is one of those days.

On days like this I cry.  I cry in sadness.  I cry in anger.  I cry in remembrance.  I cry out to God.  I cry in submission to Him.  I cry in thankfulness.  I cry in joy.  

Then I sit and I read and I pray. 

I sit in whatever quiet I can find and I be still and know that He is God (Ps. 46:)  I remember that if the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.  When my foot slips His steadfast love holds me up.  When the cares of my heart are many, His consolations cheer my soul. (Ps 94:17-19)

 I read back through my journals and look at the wondrous things He has taught me and the miles I am ahead of where I once was.  I read His word.  I read the scriptures He brought to life through this trial.  I remember the fresh feeling they brought and that they continue to bring.  

I pray for peace, remembering that perfect peace will come when I stay my mind on Him. (Isaiah 26:3) I pray for Him to purify my heart again.  I pray He will clean out whatever idol might have crept back in or the one I picked up on my own and shoved in there myself.  I pray He will help me believe and forgive my unbelief.  I pray that He will help me endure my present struggle.  I pray it will be Him that gets me through and not me.

These days are not set aside for those who are going through difficulties in marriage or any of the other bombs that explode in our lives.  These days happen to us all.

When these days happen, please remember that "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:15-16) 

Cling to Hope!