known

It's Tuesday!  As I share this weekly identity verse that tells me whose I am and reminds me of what I am because of it, I pray that it not only helps me on my journey but encourages you on whatever path God is sending you down.  

As much as I like to think I like new and adventurous things, it doesn't take more than five minutes before my insides are twisting, my heart is racing and my mind is screaming for the comfortable places I know.  More often than not I leave on a trip looking forward to the time it is over and I can be safe again in my own place.  No matter how much I really do want to go on vacation, or serve others on a foreign mission trip, or just have a night out downtown with friends, there creeping in the back of my mind is the vision of holing up in my comfy abode surrounded by the people and things that make me feel safe.

This concept follows me to the new people category as well.  There are set times in your growing up where having to meet new people is a given even if you grew up in the exact same place your whole life.  The move from elementary to middle school, from middle school to high school and from high school to college are milestones for meeting new people.  Then still, you experience this after you move away from everything you've ever known to a new state, a new job, a new marital status, a new home, and a new church, and the only familiar things you see is the clothes you packed in your suitcase. And even those aren't too familiar because you just bought them a couple months ago so you'd look cute on your honeymoon.  

I have very vivid memories of the pains of those times, when the familiarity of my surroundings kept growing into a bigger and bigger pond with more fish to get to know (or hide from).  There are some who relish those experiences, and think that life can only get better and be more fun the bigger the place and the more the people.  I envy that mindset.  There are others, like me for instance, that might have possibly quaked inside more than a little at the task of not just getting to know others, but of being known yourself.  To tell the truth, it was never really the first half of that that bothered me. It was most definitely the second.

Inside of me, of us, is this desire to be known.  For someone to see and know and understand you, and in the end not only love but want to.  Whether that want is a romantic one, where you find the one whom your soul loves,  or a friendly one where you see that bosom friend in the heart of another, or a casual one that is only there for a kind smile and word at your sons ballgame. That desire is present in all of us.  There are two problems that can arise, however, and I share this with years traveled on the problematic paths!  The first is the doubt and fear that keeps you from letting others truly know you. The second is giving other people the power to make you feel known, instead of placing that power in the hands of the only One in whom it should rest.

It sounds pretty common sense to say that you can never know someone, and they can never know you if you don't share all there is to share, but I'm here to tell you that you CAN NEVER attempt to truly know and be known by another human being unless you share what there is to share.  I'm talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Giving others the polished and condensed version of myself might be thought of as more proper and socially acceptable, but that will never result in a true and honest relationship.  Now, before you jump up and start spilling all your deepest darkest secrets to anyone who will listen, that isn't exactly what I mean.  I am not meant to be close to every person who walks by me, and I am not meant to spread my pearls before swine, BUT I am meant to be a light and walk in the Spirit and follow His leading and be transparent when the opportunity comes up. From there, He will take those relationships to where they are supposed to go, because as amazing as it is to feel as if you are known and wanted by friends and family, that is just a glimpse of a relationship that is already present.  I am KNOWN and have been my whole life.  

To let anyone else fill my desire to be known is just the same as filling up a bucket with a hole in it (and all the other cliche metaphors that fit this situation).  Giving anyone the job of something my Creator is supposed to do will only result in failure. Maybe not right away, but eventually it will happen.  I say this from 30 years of seeking out the approval of others, and seeking my cup to be filled by my relationship with others.  This is the very reason my list of identity verses started, and the very reason I now every (ish) Tuesday have made it a goal to share one of those verses, and why it is so desperately important to know who you are. Because Christ is in you.  To paraphrase the most comforting words to fulfill this desire...

You have searched me Lord and you KNOW me.  You know when I sit and when I get up.  You know my thoughts before I even voice them.  Before I can even tell you what I need to say you not only know what it will be but you understand my meaning behind it.  For that void within me that needs to be known this is too wonderful to even think about.  Not only can I not go anywhere you have created without feeling you with me, there was never a time, even before I entered the world, that you didn't not know exactly who I was and what I would be.  Even when I struggle with frustration and hate, you know my heart and test me and point me towards your way.  Psalm 139

Whether you are a current or recovering quaking in your boots club member with me, or love the adventure of sharing your everything, remember that all you desire is already done, and you are KNOWN and loved by the Creator of the universe. And the only thing left to do is to let Him use you to help others know Him.

In need

It's Tuesday!  As I share this weekly identity verse that tells me whose I am and reminds me of what I am because of it, I pray that it not only helps me on my journey but encourages you on whatever path God is sending you down.  

For three days last week my youngest baby boy had a fever and a stomach bug.  He pitifully laid on the couch watching How To Train Your Dragon 2 over and over (as if he doesn't already try to do that on a daily basis) and dutifully ran to the bathroom every time he needed to "frow up".  It was a sad sight for sure but not a completely unwelcomed one since his usual mode is tornado style turnt up all the way effecting everything in his path.   It was almost relaxing since he's nonexistant napping became a daily occurrence for four days running and all the things I got done stayed done because no tornado sent them flying.  

Then Sunday came and the germs made their way to my oldest two baby boys.  By Sunday night there was weeping and gnashing of teeth and a bed that needed to be changed twice and buckets to empty and mouths to wipe and tears to console and sleep to miss out on.  Lots of sleep to miss out on.   Didn't I mention the lack of sleep?

I have spent the last two days washing every ounce of bedding on all the beds in our house.  Do you know how long it takes for bedding to wash and then dry.  A LONG time.   Then the cleaning up and nurse maiding and snack fetching and the taking care of the tornado who is now feeling extremely chipper and ready to roll.  I love being a mom and I love my sweet boys but when you catch yourself at 3 o'clock in the afternoon still in your glasses, pajamas, and unbrushed hair (and teeth) being physically pulled in three different directions and mentally pulled in 10x that many something in you starts to give.  If I'm being completely honest something in you starts to snap. 

 Yes there are worse problems people are facing and yes I am one of the people who has faced difficulties much worse than this one but this week this is where I am and I know you've felt it before and I know at least one other person understands that weird mix of anger, guilt, hopelessness and depression fueling around ready to send you over the edge or at least to a locked closet with a couple hours supply of chocolate.

Thankfully before I could retreat too far into the exhausted haze and frustrated feelings the Spirit adjusted the well worn path I was about to start down and reminded me to stop and look up.  Searching instead for the words hidden in my heart, the words that are there for the singular reason to point me back to Christ.  To look there instead of the mess around me. 

 To be still, and know that He is God 

Psalms 46:10

If you've ever heard the hymn "I Need Thee Every Hour" you might also know that it was written by a lady named Annie Hawks in 1872 as she was caring for her three young children.  She was so overwhelmed with the need of God that she wrote these words.  I have no idea what was going on in her home that June morning but motherhood hasn't changed so much that I think they were all playing so nicely and cleanly together while she sat and drank tea while having her quiet time,   One can only imagine that she was also up to her elbows in everyday life and knew that the only way to get through any of it is being still and KNOWING that He is God.  Realizing our need is such a humbling beautiful moment, even if that realization has to happen again and again and again.  

When you see how much in need you are, you can see how much and who God has given us to fill it and being His child we are assured that He will continue to fill us to overflowing.  

I am just so very thankful I am His.

More at Inspire Me Monday

no fail

It's Tuesday!  As I share this weekly identity verse that tells me whose I am and reminds me of what I am because of it, I pray that it not only helps me on my journey but encourages you on whatever path God is sending you down.  

I am not a stranger to failing.  I'm quite the opposite in fact.  I have no struggle at all with knowing I am not capable of getting something right.  My husband and I laugh because while he tends to be on the side of riding the high horse that occasionally needs to fall down I'm hanging out in a pit somewhere assuming I have no reason to be allowed to crawl out.  It continues to amaze me how we were both on level ground long enough to cross paths.  It amazes me even more to see how we perfectly complete each other as God uses our weaknesses to make strengths in each other.  Big haired Paula Abdul was pretty close to truth as she was encouraging us to dance around our rooms whilst singing Opposites Attract in the 80s.

While from some angles it may appear that thinking less of yourself is just having a contrite and humble spirit, having experience with the less self thinking enables me to tell you it is just as big a struggle as thinking too highly of yourself.  Very often that assumed humility is really a constant state of self deprecation and low esteem.  Yes we are asked to humble ourselves and look to our sovereign God, we are told to decrease so that He can increase but we are also told we are chosen and loved and prayed for and cherished.   Looking down on yourself (preaching to myself here and anyone else who relates) is denying the truth of who we are in Christ which is why these identity verses are so important and why its not just nice to know but a NEED to know to live out our days for Him.  

We are all going to fail constantly.  It's kind of a given in a world overcome with sinfulness.  Perfection isn't possible which means failing is a given.  Accidents will happen, projects will not come together, computers will crash, bad test scores will be achieved, dinners will burn, unkind words will be said, fights will occur, families will break apart, children will disobey, rebel and cause worry in the hearts of mamas everywhere, and so on and so on until the failings will seem to pile up and overwhelm.  But never has it been said that failing at something makes you a failure.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  Romans 8:37

If Paul reminds the church that neither death nor life, angels nor demons, the present nor the future, nor any powers, height nor depth nor anything else in ALL creation can separate from the Love of God than I (and you) are anything but failures.  Yes I know in context that he was speaking to people who were being persecuted but we take these truths in the Word and we apply them to our lives and whether you are dealing with screwing up a work report or feel like you are screwing up your life with the decisions you have made.  Nothing.  Not even the worst thing you can imagine doing will separate you from God's love because you are a conqueror through Jesus.  Dang good news.

So keep going, keep looking up,  keep failing and learning from it secure in the fact that You are not a failure you are a success wrapped in love by your creator.  All is conquered and you are secure.


Inspire Me Monday

the craftiness of God

It's Tuesday!  As I share this weekly identity verse that tells me whose I am and reminds me of what I am because of it, I pray that it not only helps me on my journey but encourages you on whatever path God is sending you down.  

I'm a crafter.  I mean, I'm many things.  I'm a woman, a wife, a mom, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a keeper of our home, a princess in the Kingdom of God (thanks for the reminder AP) and countless others if I stop and pick apart each of the details of my/our life I accomplish.  Each of these roles are exhausting at certain times and amazing at all of them.  I can't pick a favorite because they all come together to make me me, and give me a diverse and sometimes confusing persona, depending on who you talk to and what tasks I happen to be multitasking when you check in to look.  

But one of the things that has drawn me to others, infuses into almost every conversation with friends or family and takes up a fair amount of my brain space, closet space and garage space if you want to know the truth, is my love of crafting.  Creating.  Bringing new life to old things.  Making something useful and meaningful out of objects that on their own have little appeal.  Giving things beauty and purpose.  And I am not alone.

Magazines, Blogs, TV shows, whole TV stations, stores, instagram feeds, twitter accounts, conferences and weekends with just your girlfriends are dedicated to creating.  Producing something out of nothing.  Making art that only you can make.  The reason is not because we are obsessive compulsive crazy people high on glue and paint fumes.  Well at least that's not only the reason.  The reason, which is the reason behind all things, is the Gospel.  The life of Christ.  Everywhere and everything in our world points to Him.  Not just the churchy things or the socially proper things or the things the world deems as important.  ALL things point to Him.  By Him all things were created in the heavens and on the earth.  He came before all things and after all things and in Him all things hold together.  All things point to Him to remind you of who He is and what He has done and that He loves you enough to do for you what He did.  Even crafting.  Maybe especially so.

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10

God is the ultimate crafter.  The one whom all creativity stems from.  Even Mark Twain said "There is no such thing as a new idea.  It is impossible.  We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope.  We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations.  We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages."  Mark Twain is brilliantly correct because all the ideas originated from a great and beautiful and perfect design, and like the things I and the other thousands of people on pinterest make, I am part of that design. 

We are His handiwork.  We are His creation.  His craft that He made useful and meaningful with beauty and purpose.  God in all His craftiness created me and shows Himself to others through the work of His hands.

Enjoy some others thoughts at Inspire Me Monday

galatians and gilmore girls

It's Tuesday!  As I share this weekly identity verse that tells me whose I am and reminds me of what I am because of it, I pray that it not only helps me on my journey but encourages you on whatever path God is sending you down.  

Somehow in the midst of my college career and early working years I completely missed the show Gilmore Girls.  It came at the perfect time, right at the beginning of freshman year and stopped right after I became a mama.  But still I missed it.  One might consider it a tragedy, or at least an entertainment blunder.  Maybe I was just too excited to finally be watching everything I wasn't allowed to at home (a.k.a Dawson's Creek and Friends) to research anything new.  Plus, there was that brief obsession with 7th Heaven during my sophomore year when I was convinced that Barry Watson, and his counterpart Matt Camden, was the most perfect boy ever.

Whatever the reason, I am making amends now after being chastised by not just one friend but MANY who were shocked, and I am not kidding SHOCKED, by the fact that I had never seen it.  It is the perfect show for you, they said.  If there is one person who I would think would be a huge GG fan it's you they said.  Four seasons in and they were pretty much on target.  Isn't it nice when your friends just know you!  I mean what is not to love.  Small town, beautiful New England setting, Edward Hermann, a fun mom and daughter, whitty sarcasm, and I could go on.   

I love almost everything about it but there is just one thing, besides the fact that Lorelei and Rory are known for how much they eat yet have only physically taken about 5 bites of actual food so far, that always gets me.  I'm almost afraid to say it because it will arch the backs of feminists everywhere, but the one thing that gets to me is the fierce independence of Lorelei.  Don't read this the wrong way, independence is a fantastic quality, but like anything it can become twisted and lead you down a path that looks just enough like the right one that you don't know your going to get lost in a place that looks a little more like selfishness or at least self righteousness.

I know I'm supposed to watch it in awe of this girl who found herself pregnant and broke out of her strict and Stepford type upbringing to make it on her own and be her own person so she could raise her daughter in a home of unconditional love, and yes that was a very brave and beautiful thing to do.  But sometimes I look at the scenarios and I listen to the arguments and it starts me thinking of how hard is to keep trying to do it all on your own.  When you are so hell bent on doing it yourself exactly how you want it to be done, you can't help but hinder your own growth and hurt others in the process.  Even if those others are crazy moms like Emily Gilmore.  

Watching it now as opposed to at age 18-25 has me looking at it from this different perspective because I don't think that young thing sitting in a trailer in Auburn would have noticed then.  Then again maybe I would have noticed it and learned a valuable lesson much sooner than my current 33 year old self has just learned when I read... 

 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  Galatians 2:20

When rereading this very familiar identity verses for a Galatians study, God smacked me in the face with the oh so frustrating news that I am indeed a Lorelei Gilmore.  While Zach has said and then said again when I mentioned it to him that my independence (read not being indecisive, clingy, and in need of someone to tell me everything) was one of the qualities that attracted him to me.  It can am become an independence that looks like a stubborn person who insists on trying to do things herself.  Who has ideas and plans swimming around in her head that she thinks are the way to go, the only way to go and quite honestly gets hurt if you don't think I am capable of handling it.  All I could envision when reading the words that I no longer live but that it's Christ that lives in me is the number of times that I shove him out of the way to live first.  I ignore His Spirit and His ability to get it done and try to get it done first to prove something to myself, to God, to everyone.  

The truth is I have nothing to prove because the only thing I would accomplish proving is how much in need of Him I am.  The old me is gone, praise God, and I have Christ who lives in me and for me before God, and the only thing I have to do is so simple - have faith in the Son.  Faith in not some random person, but in the One who LOVES me and SACRIFICED himself for me.  It's such a simple concept that I so often try to complicate with my own thoughts and agenda.  Oh to live truly and completely by faith in the One who can accomplish all things.  In the meantime I continue to pray that He will strip me of myself so I will truly see I belong to Him.

Any more Loreleis out there?
                                                             
                                                                
                                            

2 timothy 1:7

Good evening, late evening, but good nonetheless.  It's such a blessing to be able to say that.  I know when you look deeply good can be found in all things because God is in all things and works all the things into good for me, His daughter, but actually being able to feel that goodness without looking too deeply is almost too much goodness for my heart to handle.  When His goodness feels so near the surface that bubbling out is eminent, who am I deserve such a feeling.  Did I say the word goodness to many times!?  Sorry I just couldn't help myself.

  I know the other side all to well.  The side where you have to search and search to find Him, not because He's gone anywhere but because I have or because I'm in unfamiliar territory that I've never let Him into and am stumbling around in the darkness searching for the light. But tonight I feel that goodness and mercy that follows me all of my life and I want to savor.

   As I share this weekly identity verse that tells me whose I am and what I am because of it, I pray that it not only helps me on my journey but encourages you on whatever path God is sending you down.  

Because I am struggling to love and because I constantly struggle with fear it is good to know that 

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control

God has given us every spiritual blessing through Christ and of those blessings, FEAR is not included.  It's not of God.  He didn't give fear to me.  I was tempted with it and fell to it and then took it on my own to coddle and let seep into my heart and throughout my life.  It's a guest that has been around so long I don't even bat an eye when it runs next to me and holds my hand on my day to day adventures subtly and not so subtly veering me down other roads.  But God didn't give me that and not only didn't He give it to me but He gave me other things instead. things that when held make fear disappear.

He gave me power, and He gave me love and He gave me self control.  The spirit within me, gifted by my heavenly father through Jesus Christ alone, gives me power over fear, love to fill up the space and the control to never pick it up again.  

It's right there for me to have while I abide in Him and it moves me onward, ever onward, to the next steps of being deeper in His presence and farther along on the journey.

  

In Christ I am and a little about love

Way back in the days of 31 I wrote about identity and how vital it is in your Christian walk to know not only know you are God's but what it says about you.  It is impossible to truly love yourself if you don't understand how insanely much you are loved by God.

Recently I am learning how much your identity can also effect how much you can love others.  How strongly I believe God's love for me determines how much love I can hold for another person.  His love is what gives me love and therefore overflows me with love to give away. 

 This all seems quite simple and obvious until there is a difficult person in your life to love.  I don't mean on days when your husband forgets to make the bed or your kids disobey all day and whine as if they'll never get another chance to do so or some crazy person takes forever in the grocery store line in front of you.  Those are all moments we are given to show great love but they are short lived and don't cost us too much in the way of heart sacrifice. 

 I am talking about people who have hurt you or your family, people who you hear about who have done the unthinkable, people who when you think about them you can feel your blood pressure rise, you can feel your heart drop and you can feel the desire to throw all your beliefs out the window just to hang on to the hard feelings or feel yourself retreat so you can pretend that they're not really there.

  

So many people have a person like that where the ache hurts but the cost of loving feels like it could hurt more.  I have that person.  I wish I didn't.  I wish I could say that I love like Christ loves me.  I want to love like He loved me first but it's hard.  On some days it feels impossible.  God is taking me on a journey, an extension of the one he started over a year ago, to help me learn about gospel love.  How to love like Christ in all circumstances and to all people.  It's easy to love the easy ones but we most often aren't called to the easy things.

I am at the very beginning of this trip.  So much so that I can still see the starting point if I turned around to glance.  So much so that it wouldn't take long to run back to the house, unpack my suitcase and pretend that I was never going any where.  My prayer is that I keep walking.  No matter what comes up, I pray that I keep walking.

I will be sharing with you what I'm learning and what I'm struggling with and when I want to quit and when God has helped me walk miles instead of yards.  Today I am kicking off a weekly reminder of who I am in Christ to help me on my journey and to encourage you on whatever path God is sending you down.  From now on, on Tuesdays I am planning to share with you a different verse I have found for my identity list.  A verse that tells me whose I am and what I am because of it.  

Today I am sharing the first one I ever wrote down.

 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Colossians 3:12

In these few words I know that 

He chose me

He set me apart to be special

He loves me, dearly

and because of that I can be compassionate, kind, humble, gentle and patient.  

I can bear His Fruit

because He loved me first

I'll pack that verse along with me and take it on the road.