because we need to speak up: a rewrite of an old post for a new book

When asked a question or confronted with a topic, it takes awhile for me to process an answer, to think of exactly what I want to say, which means whatever the conversation 'was' usually turns into 'had been' as the others kept rolling, immediately knowing the best thing to say to keep the topics and thoughts whizzing by my own. Because of this, I spent years thinking that my words were not important, that I did not have anything productive to add to the conversation.

While silence can be deafening, remaining silent can also make you feel deaf, make you feel out of the loop, make you feel inconsequential. When you spend your life assuming you have nothing to say, you forget how to speak up even if you do have words that need to come out.

But words are not to be tread lightly. Words harm and words heal. The phrase "if you do not have anything nice to say then do not say anything at all" is well shared among the southern states. It is also well known that if you are told hundreds of wonderful, positive things about yourself and then told one negative, it is the negative that will stay with you the longest. It is for these reasons that we are told in Ephesians to be kind to one another and to let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth but only what is good for building others up...so that it gives grace to those who hear it.

Our lives revolve around communication. Even in the most isolated places on earth there is language, the ability to speak and respond in some manner so that community can work together, rejoice together, disagree with one another, and warn each other of danger. However, unless you are under the age of 4, one cannot just go around saying aloud every thought that comes through the mind. Honestly, the under 4 category probably should not do that either, but so far I have yet to find someone with the skill to enable that filter.

Filters are valuable. They strain out impurities so that what you are taking in holds only that which is good for you. In the world this may be referred to as your conscience. Good 'ol Jiminy Cricket sang a very catchy tune about letting your conscience be your guide, listening to the inner voice telling you what is right and wrong. In Christianity, we believe this is the Holy Spirit. What Jesus left with his children here on earth living inside us and guiding us in our filter. Through it, with knowledge of the Word, filters our words actions, and thoughts, sifting out impurities and changing them to be more like Christ. A point worth mentioning however is that whether we follow the Holy Spirit's leading each time or not, we are still loved and forgiven and never left alone.

I know no one who does not have regret over something they said that they wish they could take back, but it is not the words that you have said that I want to talk to you about, it is the ones that you have not said, the ones that you are holding onto inside.

When Maya Angelou said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you," it does not just refer to someone who desires to be an author, it is for all of us as we are each living out a story We said that each life is a story written by the Greatest Author, meticulously planning and allowing experiences that will mold and shape us to become what He has designed us to be at story's end. But within this life of beauty and despair, joy mixed with sorrow, refining and rebuilding that needs to be done, we often want to pull away when the process gets difficult.

While much concentration is done to learn to filter our words and only let out what is helpful to others, there is an equal amount of concentration by us to hold our words inside because of what others may think, or what consequences may come.

I held my words in for too long. I let fear of what could come and doubt of what might have been happening keep me from speaking up, keep me from letting out those questions and answers that I know the Spirit was filling up my heart with. I have no doubt that what happened in my marriage's past was in no way my fault, but I do know that had I spoken those words out loud long before something would have changed sooner.

I would be willing to bed there is one thing that even right now you are keeping inside, afraid to say out loud because of how it might come across, how it will sound, how it makes you sound, because it may be wrong, or because of what another might think as soon as you finish the sentence.

Friend, if you are scared to say something, that is usually a good sign that you need to say it!

Words can eat at you if you leave them hidden, causing the agony Ms. Angelou so eloquently spoke of. But worse, leaving those words in the darkness, away from the Light, where they can be twisted so violently that you begin to believe the lies instead of allowing in Truth.

I will forever be grateful for the friend who spoke up for me when I was refusing to speak for myself. I will forever love her regardless, but I will forever love her as well for her courage in living out Proverbs 31:8 and speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves. THere are many things that cause someone to remain silent. There are times when those people are given courage to speak up and there are times when God tells us to speak up for them because for whatever reason, in their present life, they cannot form the words.

I have developed a simple two step process for speaking up. The first step is to find someone to say your words to, the second step is to say them out loud.

Lucky for you, there are two people with you all the time that you can speak to. One is yourself, the other is God. Yes, having a bosom friend or spouse who will listen and love you no matter what you say is a pearl above price, but please do not think you need to drive anywhere, wait for your next girls' night/biblestudy/community group/workout/counseling session or wherever else you might have conversation. The first priority is not to have your words heard, it is to get them out and give them a voice.

Next, say them out loud. Quite often this one small but not so small action is the only thing needed to bring healing and relief to your soul. It takes courage to speak out the things you have hidden and as soon as the words have left your lips there can be peace and understanding that what you have feared so much to say may not be scary after all. This one action is an act of faith and that act is rewarded with a precious peace that passes all understanding.

Everything we say out loud that is bottled up will not be right. We have hearts full of sin and our thoughts will be skewed, our opinions unjustified, our words will be full of envy, or unforgiveness, or doubt. Even if more steps need to be taken to process through whatever the words reveal, they will be out, confessed, given a voice, and brought into the light and THAT is when healing can begin, when perspective is given, when wisdom is gained and when our inner dispositions being to change.

You may say hard things, you may hear hard things, but He is faithful and just says 1 John 1:9. He will cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I pray that you will give all the parts of your story a voice so He can do just that, pray for me.

Because optimism will fail where hope won't

If it's wrong to learn valuable life lessons through Disney princess movies, I don't want to be right.

Maybe I should rephrase that into a more credible statement.  The gospel is everywhere.  Martin Luther said, "God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars."  So, if it is written in the stars above earth, why not also in the stars above Corona, which just happens to be the fictional Kingdom from the movie Tangled.  If my father in law can quote Rocky movies in his sermons, sharing inner disposition changing lessons courtesy of Rapunzel and Flynn Rider is totally acceptable.

So I'll say it again, if it's wrong to learn valuable life lessons through Disney princess movies, I don't want to be right.

Rapunzel and I have a lot in common, well we have some things in common.  I don't think of her trapped in a tower, held prisoner by a fake mom, but that to her, life in the beginning was filled with happiness, singing, painting, reading, and then doing the same things again over and over with a smiling face because this is life, and you can't change it, so let's look on the bright side while we dance around the room with a chameleon.

But then questions and answers started to not measure up and in one leap from a 'safe' room in the clouds she entered the world and reality hit.  For a bit reality took her down and there she bounced back and forth between what was true and what was not without knowing who and what she was supposed to believe.

I get her, because in a way I was her.  I remember being a super optimistic person who always tried to think the best of everyone, never assumed another was capable of taking advantage of me or others, and that people actually said what they meant as I was wandered through life with my glass half full mindset.  That was, until, a big reality hit and then I was left with a shattered life view and a desito to figure out how to put the pieces back together.

Thankfully, it was a quick turn around to truly understanding that it wasn't my job to be the glue.

As I binge watch Parks and Rec for, I think I've lost count so let's call it, the 100th time, a similar personality can be found in the oh so funny character Chris Traeger.  His seemingly never ending optimism is waning as he is nearing his depths of despair period and I left him just this morning realizing the weight of his mortality as he collapsed on the track while trying to get Andy in shape.  He was desperately trying to solve a problem that we were never created to solve.

Let's face it, there will be days where you want the half full glass you carry around to be filled with something a little bit stronger than water, there will be days where it feels as if hard and difficult fill every second, and when a plucky optimistic voices responds with sunshine and rainbows your desired response is less than loving.

A long analysis of the relationships in the movie Trolls could be inserted here, but I'll spare you...for now.

Optimism is a wonderful character quality that can bring a smile to your face as well as those around you, but optimism does not really mean anything if it's not based upon Truth.  Just as in the familiar scriptures from Corinthians 13 that tell us all the things we can do will be meaningless if we do not have love, all the the bright sides we can muster won't hold up without a true faith.

In Paul Miller's book A Praying Life he calls this type of optimism "Naive Optimism"  "At first glance," he says, "genuine faith and naive optimism appear identical since both foster confidence and hope.  But the similarity is only surface deep.  Genuine faith comes from knowing my heavenly Father loves, enjoys, and cares for me.  Naive optimism is groundless.  It is childlike trust without the loving Father."

Why is this such a big deal?  Because it's a short trip from shattered optimism to heart hardening cynicism.  "You'd think," he also states, "that it would just leave us less optimistic, but we humans don't do neutral well.  We go from seeing the bright side of everything to seeing the dark side of everything."

A life of joy that comes despite your circumstance, a life of finding something to smile about, even when in despair, is reality, but it doesn't come from gumption or personality or a try harder attitude.  This life, this worldview, comes from a life hidden in Christ.  It comes from feet being securely planted in the shadow of His wings.  It comes from knowing the Truth of Psalm 62 that I rest in God alone, my hope comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation and because of that, I will not be shaken.

No empty promises are wanted or needed, just the ones that bring assurance to your soul.

John Piper calls it faith in Future Grace, knowing you can trust the promise that God has plans for you in the future.  I simply call it Hope, living in the present, anticipating the future, because of what Jesus did for me in the past.  He is my bright side, in every scenario.

When those moments come that seem to shatter the optimism you naively built up, don't give up, don't look at all the collateral damage and seek a way to put it together again.  Instead, look harder, past the initial, past the things that are trying to grab your attention with their frustrating ugliness.  Look deep into the picture and find the little thing, the real thing that you need to be setting your eyes on.  Your focus isn't the outside of the ring, your focus is the center, the bulls-eye to your heart.  It is there, in Christ at the center, where you feel the pulse of Hope and when you concentrate there, it will begin to permeate through until you can expand the field of vision back to the shattered pieces and watch as He puts them together again.

Praying for you today, pray for me.

sunday song

Even without the tragic events stemmed from hate filled hearts that occurred yet again yesterday, our world is full of heartbreak, struggles, grief.  I stand still and all around me in a whirlwind of thought are headlines, phone conversations, texts filled with despair and loneliness, scenes seen and overheard in different areas of life.  Swirling, they try to cover up what I know is Good, who I know is Good.  It's so easy to think we live in a world much worse today than ever before, but honestly, the "worst" we see has always been there, its just gets closer to home, forcing us to look in the eye and decide if we will turn away or not.

There are many who need to speak out more; there are just as many who honestly just need to shut up.  But we all need to remember even in the midst of the overwhelming chaos in our eyes, is a God who holds us all, image bearers of Him, in His hands, even when we don't understand what is going on around us, especially then.

"He is the living God, enduring forever; his kingdom shall never be destroyed, and his dominion shall be to the end.  He delivers and rescues; he works signs and wonder in heaven and on earth." (Daniel 6:26-27)

This week in a devotionsI read these next words. feeling thankful for the reminders, and the promise that even as we move forward in our what's next, there is One who already knows.

"Over all the trouble that confounds and dismays us is a God of glorious wisdom,  power, and grace who rules every moment of every situation.  No, you will not always see his hand.  You often won't understand what he is doing.  There will be points when life won't make sense to you.  At times, you will wish that life could be different.  There will be moments when you will feel unprepared for what is on your plate.  In these moments, look up and remember that above it all there is a throne, and on it sits a God of unimaginable majesty, ruling all for his glory and for your good." Paul D. Tripp

There is strength within the sorrow,

There is beauty in our tears

You meet us in our mourning,

With a love that casts out fear

You are working in our waiting,

Sanctifying us

When beyond our understanding,

You're teaching us to trust

CHORUS

Your plans are still to prosper,

You have not forgotten us

You're with us in the fire and the flood

Faithful forever,

Perfect in love

You are sovereign over us

You are wisdom unimagined,

Who could understand your ways

Reigning high above the heavens,

Reaching down in endless grace

Youʼre the Lifter of the lowly,

Compassionate and kind

You surround and You uphold me,

Your promises are my delight

Even what the enemy means for evil

You turn it for our good,

You turn it for our good and for your glory

Even in the valley You are faithful

Youʼre working for our good,

Youʼre working for our good and for your glory

because in the midst of beauty and despair there is always a faith that keeps walking through

“How is faith to endure, O God, when you allow all this scraping and tearing on us?

You have allowed rivers of blood to flow, mountains of suffering to pile up,

sobs to become humanity's song--all without lifting a finger that we could see.

You have allowed bonds of love beyond number to be painfully snapped.

If you have not abandoned us, explain yourself.

We strain to hear...

The juxtaposition of beauty and despair is a constant for us all. The scales may dip to one side or another, staying down at times longer than anyone would wish or staying up so long the next dip down catches us by surprise more than it should. Growing up you learn in school about America and it's Melting Pot of colors, faces, cultures, foods. I, for one, do not remember specifically being taught that life is also a melting pot of experiences, the good the bad and the ugly as it were. There was always work hard, follow directions, and do your best with either the assumption or adult given guarantee that everything would be okay. But then things do not work out the way you thought. The formula didn't equal the intended result.

Recently I was lying by a pool with a view of Zach in a beautiful pool playing with our boys in the foreground and the mountains of southern Utah in the background while reading a book about a young girl abandoned by her mother, for her own protection, to live in extreme poverty in Nazi Germany yet still understanding compassion for all others when the world around her claimed superiority. Beauty and Despair.

It's difficult to share a cross country experience with your sons the same day you read about Syrian children losing their lives because of chemical warfare. Or checking on social media to look at pictures of a beautiful newborn right next to another showing pictures of their young son diagnosed with cancer. Or feeling helpless as you hear about yet another couple's marriage falling apart because of sin and selfishness when your own, after a similar heartbreak, is full of grace, forgiveness, and healing. Beauty and despair.

There are a few responses our hearts and minds revert to when faced with these two opposites living side by side. There's guilt, much like survivor's guilt, that your life seems easy compared to the struggle of another. There's naivety in believing that another deserves what they're getting while you deserve the rewards you are reaping--consequences are part of actions, but grace is the only reason we see blessing in our lives--Then there is that pesky desire to ignore other's plights while you just concentrate on your "good fortune" doing whatever you can to make sure the tide doesn't turn. You have probably guessed that none of these seem to be the path we should take.

A goal for many in everything life related is calm, peace, no waves, just a constant state of positive. Actions are directed at keeping the scale dipped as low as possible to the side of our earthly vision of beauty. Heaped on top of that plate to weigh it down are a combination material possessions, shared experiences, church visits, donations, and all things that bring a sense of happy no matter how short lived.

But how do we explain with our earthly sense when the scale seemingly stays tipped to the other side whether in our own lives, the lives of our friends, or the lives of strangers on the other side of the world?

The opening quote is one by Nicholas Wolterstorff in his book Lament for a Son. But that is not the full quote. It ends with this, "But instead of hearing an answer we catch sight of God himself scraped and torn. Through our tears we see the tears of God."

When you picture that balance scale in your mind, and just so you know my picture includes a very LOST like image with black and white stones on either side, picture God, His Son, and His Spirit fully present on both sides so that one never outweighs the other because in every beauty there is an understanding of despair that would come if we did not have Him to call on and in every despair there is an understanding of beauty because He is always with us.

Hope always exists in every place hopelessness tries to overtake.

Emily Freeman said, "By faith, we trust he is building his kingdom even while we wait for the day when we can see with our eyes how he is making all things right again.

Much like my pastor's definition of love, Paul David Tripp has one on Faith that is simple to understand yet full of depth when pondered through. He describes faith as having two parts, both as important as the other. The first is believing that God exists. The second is letting that belief radically change how you live your life.

"Trust in the dark, trust in the light, trust at night and trust in the morning, and you will find that the faith that many begin, perhaps by a mighty effort will end, sooner or later, by becoming the easy and natural habit of the soul." ~The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life

So how do we explain the reasoning behind beauty and despair living side by side? We don't. Somethings are unexplainable and then again somethings just do not need to be explained. Instead, we just walk in it. Walk in the Faith that believes God exists and then continue that Faith by letting our actions shower Christ over others so that whether they believe themselves to be in a moment of despair or beauty all they will really see is Him.

As Pat Dye is known for saying, "There's going to be a lot of days where you lay your guts on the line and come back empty. Ain't a damn thing you can do about it but go out there and lay them on the line again. And again, and again."

The Truth of it is, you'll never come back empty handed if who you are laying it all down for is Christ.

Praying that in that mix of beauty and despair you can see the Faith in your life growing and the actions of your life being radically changed. Pray for me.

bec

because it's palm sunday

I loved singing this song today on this beautiful Palm Sunday.  Holy Week feels so different this year.  Last year, with all the doubt of how long our church was going to be able to stay afloat, there was a new understanding and deeper feeling on Good Friday and the thought of how the disciples and His followers must have felt on that day when they didn't understand what was happening and why it was happening.  That loss without the Hope that was about to come.

A year later there is still sadness, there is still a deeper understanding of loss, but come Sunday there will be a different understanding of the Resurrection, of the newness that comes because of Jesus.  Hope that is alive and well, always, showing itself to us again and again with each new step.

I looked at the the precious boys given to us as we sang the verse about a generation and prayed they would forever walk in selfless faith towards their Heavenly Father, deep into the Kingdom of God, side by side.

"Hosanna"

I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest [x2]

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest [x2

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest [x2]

Hosanna in the highest

because we each leave pieces of ourselves in the world

Handmade, handcrafted, lovingly put together in a mother's womb, each piece was delicately and beautifully positioned.  Into the world emerged a young life, a young soul, and no matter the actions behind conception or the emotions of the earthbound parents, a Creator smiled down knowing His Child was created perfectly unique, perfectly themselves, perfectly fitting in a story ages old that stretches to eternity.  Beginning there but never ending...

Meandering down the rows of another cute boutique during a day meant for rest and friendship an item caught our eye.  Printed upon the canvas of a zippered pouch was a paragraph of encouragement ensuring the onlooker that they were beautiful the way they were, created for purpose, loved beyond measure.  The hint of sadness was not hidden in my friend's voice as she spoke forth words of desire for her daughter to believe such words when they were said to her.  The only response I could muster, as the litany of reasons that caused the same disbelief were being hurled at my heart once again, was that there are many who have trouble believing the good things about themselves.

Imagine our Father, lovingly looking down on each of us, sharing that same desire, that we could believe all the words He has said to us.

To live life resting in and believing all Truth with unwavering precision would bring a feeling so comforting it is doubtful it could even be imagined.

Somewhere along the road the sojourner of life stumbles creating bruises outside and within that stay for a time and become reminders of missteps.  Straying off the path and getting lost only to have to delay by turning around and back tracking causes doubts and uneasy steps in the future.  Spotting fellow travelers on the road ahead of you make one wonder why you are traveling so slow.  Seeing others behind you gives a sense of boastfulness for the false thought of being ahead of the game.

It is these continuous circumstances that shift our view from Christ and with it results in the loss of peace that comes from focusing solely on Him and the ability to see ourselves as we are seen. All things of this world will send you places as far from truth as can be taken while all things through Christ will take you to places far out of this world.

The good news, always the good news, is that a journey is exactly what you were created for, continuously being redeemed, day by day, experience by experience, and the lane you are in is for you and you alone, perfectly crafted, personally planned, for the only soul who can live it out.

You are not what you were and though you are what you are now, you are not what you will be.

Mike Kinnebrew, a long time friend of ours, has pursued music for many years in the midst of his own journey of stumbles and side paths.  Each of his songs brings Truth in a way that requires thought and reflection upon the lyrics flowing within the beautiful melodies.  

This is all, all I am, and all I'll be.  I'll sing my song, I give them to you, these pieces of me. 

These lyrics, favorites of mine, speak to these thoughts of believing you were created with care and purpose and loving who you were meant to be.  Each of us pieces perfectly fit together.  Each of us pieces of a bigger story being told.  Each of us leaving pieces of ourselves for others along the way.

Reading through 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 brings comfort in the differences, beauty to design, Hope because of the promise that you are brought together no matter how different you may feel.

...in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body and all were made to drink of one spirit.  For the body does not consist of one member but of many...But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose...

Each created for purpose.  Each unique.  Each brought together with other unique beings.  Parts of a whole.

Think about your role, your part, the pieces of you that the world needs.

Using those pieces so carefully created, God puts us into the narrative, guides us to take part in Kingdom work so that we can see Him more clearly and feel His presence more closely as we leave pieces of ourselves in the world.

I'll be praying that you can believe this of yourself, pray for me.

because life happens in a flash

For reasons undoubtedly learned in college child development classes but forgotten in detail along the way, age 4, in our parenting experience, was when imaginations began to soar.  Anything and everything could happen by simply pretending it to be so.  Each young blondie in his growth from toddler to all out boy traveled through the phase of make-believe.  While one or two have the definite signs of taking it to the core of their lifelong personality, it was still a journey for them all.

Our oldest at age 4 was thoroughly enthralled with a Flash costume.  This thrift store find was far from mint condition, but despite it's loosening seams, hanging threads and lack of ability to close in the back, to him it held a power to transport, quite literally, in a flash to anywhere his super powers were needed.  Over and over I would watch as he zoomed past me from the hallway, constantly asking "Did you see me?"  "Can you see me?"  "Am I going so fast?"

One day, my husband took a picture of that mini flash as he was zooming across again and again. The effect on camera created a blur of color following that little super hero as if he truly was running so quickly that the naked eye could never spot him.

Unfortunately, not every flash produces the smiles that a kid in costume can.

Change is inevitable.  Whether welcomed with open arms or fought against tooth and nail or dealt with somewhere in between, change happens constantly.  One of the hardest parts of life is when it sneaks up, unexpected, and in a flash your normal is not only different, you know it can never be the same again.

When someone, either just once or over and over, has experienced a figurative bomb going off in their lives, it may not bring the physical destruction that a wire and metal one can, but these crisis situations can leave an emotional and spiritual aftermath of distress, confusion, and upheaval that can take just as long or even longer from which to recover.

Inside, new pathways are created in your mind that now lead to distress, fear, anger and a host of other negative emotions.  Because of these new paths, any moment in the future that might even hint at a past difficulty causes the sequence to trigger and in less time than it takes to blink, your heart and mind are overcome with the emotions the past has created.  If by chance you are taken by surprise and have an unexpected reminder in the midst of your happy normalcy, the journey to distress feels even more immediate.

During a sermon recently we were asked if any of us felt like we were experts in any given skill. Often feeling like a jack of all trades, master of none, the pitiful list in my head was nothing to be impressed about.  One thing I do feel as if pro status has been achieved these past three years since my most significant bomb in life, is understanding triggers and the difficulty they can cause in someone's day.  I assure you, it's not a skill to be envious of as the sometimes debilitating emotions caused by anything from song lyrics, to foods, to instagram photos can shut down all viable senses for hours or days.

In a quick moment, it can seem as if more than one step has been taken back, in truth it can feel very much like a back to square one situation.

If there is any part of you who feels this, has felt it, can identify with it, please know, please hear, these moments do not define your well being, they do not get to say how much progress has been made or not made, they do not get to make you feel as if you are missing something vital or have been forgotten.  In short, they don't get to say.

Don't let them be what speaks to your heart.  There is One far better to entrust with that privilege.

Looking back, it is crystal clear that the journey to make believe was needed childhood experience in my boys' lives that not only created grand memories for child and parent alike, but opened minds and hearts to ideas outside of their tangible environment, ideas that would prepare them to be able to trust and have faith in something bigger than themselves, bigger than their understanding, bigger than their realm of possibility.

There is a common phrase swapped among parents, especially the mothering kind, that the days are long but the years are short.  As a firm believer that we are all learning the same Truths, though through many different ways, only believing one group can glean from that nugget seems wrong, selfish somehow.

For all of us, every being upon this earth, life is lived so often in flashes.  Like a creature finding it's way across a raging river by stepping on and leaping to whatever rock or tree trunk happens to be peeking above the surface until they have reached the other side, the bits and pieces of days can also feel separate from each other, just bits of stone and wood that are seen and leaped to to keep from falling in the water below.  The beauty comes in looking back and seeing those bits and pieces were really just a jagged path leading you safely to shore.

The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in EVERY detail of their lives.  Psalm 37:23

Delight in this Truth as He delights in you.

Every one of us has had experiences which we have not been able to explain: a sudden sense of loneliness, or a feeling of wonder or awe in the face of universal vastness.  Or we have had a fleeting visitation of light like an illumination from some other sun, giving us in a quick flash an assurance that we are from another world, that our origins are divine...I think we have not been fair to the facts until we allow at least the possibility that such experiences may arise from the presence of God in the world and His persistent effort to communicate with mankind.  ~A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God 

Hardships are not the only thing that come in flashes, His Good comes in flashes as well.

We can feel God speaking to us, the Spirit working in us, much like the sun rises.  Bit by bit, color change by color change, until finally the whole picture is visible.  Many parts of life require a wait, require that slow dawn of knowledge collecting and plans to be prepared before being revealed.  But daily we are given flashes of His goodness, reminders of His faithfulness, visible snapshots of grace and mercy, "assurances that our origins are divine."

Each of us will be presented with different things, different flashes to show we are loved and cared for, to show we have been given much, much more than asked or imagined.  This world will try it's best at times to block those reminders and replace them instead with negative memories and suggestions of failing.  At times the world will succeed, but only for a moment, for a flash, it will never conquer a heart held in the hands of it's Creator.  Hold on to Him, Hold on to the Hope He provides.  Look for the flashes of Light.

As always, I'm praying for you, pray for me.

for when you are wandering in the desert

"I don't see the desert as barren at all; I see it as full and ripe. It doesn't need to be flattered with rain. It certainly needs rain, but it does with what it has, and creates amazing beauty." Joy Harjo

Do I see what she sees, do you? 

 

There is simultaneous appreciation and hesitancy when a topic presents itself among my thoughts.  It usually happens at the oddest times and then comes with a waterfall of sentences, bullet points, phrases to research, ways to connect one wayward thought with another until a large and impressive knot is formed weaving in and out of itself connected, tied together, not to be unraveled.  Even if the point behind the words is less than impressive to others, I am always stunned by God's ability to show me things through the process.  Very important and humbling for this destination hungry traveler.

I wish, oh how I wish, that these lessons more often came through Pollyanna glasses, happily smiling and seeing nothing but the good.  Oh how I wish they came through cheering successes, things you rave about, brag about, without a seconds hesitation because they look as good on the outside as they are for you inside.  There are plenty of devotionals in this world with a verse, a paragraph and a pat on the back to start your day.  I can be both frustrated and thankful that that is not what is asked of me because while neatly wrapped and tied with a bow is what our human mind desires, the understanding of the hard cleansed with the brutal sacrifice of a Savior is what our human hearts need.

Dry.  Empty.  Lonely.  Bleak.

The very definition of a desert, the desolate land, completely contradicts these words above that have intrigued my mind and caused more than a bit of reflection.  

No one can say they have not felt results of a dry season, have not seen the effects of drought.  In the physical land it causes the ground to become parched, water sources to dry up, fields to lose their ability to yield the fruit they were created for, animals to become lethargic. Desperate for water to revive them they give up and lay down waiting for the inevitable, scavenge and search, walking until they seek out their need, or look to their caretakers for the help they can't get themselves.  

Our hearts are no different.  A spiritually dry period can be much different than one filled with trials though there is hard in them both.  There will be times where, like the fields in a drought, you feel parched, dried and cracking, useless as the fruit you were created to yield can not soak in enough moisture to bloom.  Like the wildlife we are tempted to give up and take it lying down or scavenge our own way to gain some ground in the fight for survival.  But as hopelessness tries to prevail I pray the Hope within overtakes and instead there is the remembrance to look to our Caretaker for the help we will never get from ourselves.

Paul spent a better part of 2 Corinthians 11 listing the sufferings he has endured.  False imprisonments, beatings, stonings, shipwrecks, dangerous journeys, robbery, sleeplessness, hunger thirst, cold and exposure were not just bumps on the road, but daily life events.  One of these events would be enough to stop a sojourner in their tracks but for him these were far from a sign to stop, they were fuel to continue.  For the sake of Christ [he says] I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities.  For when I am weak, I AM strong.

In every movie with a desert setting from Star Wars to Fievel Goes West, countless Cowboy films to classics like Lawrence of Arabia, there is a search for an oasis, a watering hole, a place that gives life in the midst of the dry and desolate.  Once found, life inside you changes.   There in that place with life giving water, you find peace from the fear, you see hope instead of doubt, you feel revived and eyes that once only saw the barren land can focus on the beauty in the hills and valleys among the dunes.

I can see the desert as full and ripe, I can see the amazing beauty it creates, but I can't see it on my own.  I need the Hope promised, I need the eyes of Christ to see that [He] will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys. [He] will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water. Isaiah 41:18

On my own all I see is sand, all I feel is heat, in Him I can see the land of the living and the good He brings to it.

Praying for you in your desert places, pray for me.

because you can wait

As always, I am sitting and praying and believing there is another set of ears in need.  Praying and believing that there is another heart desiring these words put forth somewhat humbly, somewhat insecurely, somewhat confidently sure that the thoughts do not come from me alone.

But today, making eye contact with the blue eyes staring back in my direction is essential. Reminders are needed. Truth is needed.  Hope, above all else, is needed.  Of course that could be said for everyday, necessary for everyday, but there are times where not one more minute can pass until that salvation you are working out requires some extra fear and trembling.

A couple years ago, after smiling at so many others' posts, I downloaded the Time Hop app.  Eager to enjoy smiles and tears of joy from past pictures of my baby boys who aren't quite babies anymore, I soon realized that I had no control over what from the past would make its way directly into my vision. 

Sure there were those lovely memories of cute babes and fun times with friends, but every so often a memory was triggered that did not bring smiles or immediate joy.  In its stead would come pain to a heart unable to handle the unwanted surprises.  After a week, pressing the uninstall button gave back a little memory space on my phone and started my days with less unexpecteds and a lot more peace.

Last week, Zach had a different experience with those memories involving social media sites, and his was one that I have not been able to get out of my mind.  Technology brought to his attention a photo he had posted of our church's first Sunday in its new space six years ago.  Captioning the photo were the words "I can't wait to see what God has in store for us."

I can wait. That's all I could think. I could have waited.

Because, spoiler alert, that beautiful place full of loving people closed its doors almost exactly two months ago.  Because within those years of growing in grace and wisdom and knowledge of God, among those years of serving together to help the unchurched, dechurched, teens, and homeless, friendships ended, betrayals hurt, marriages were broken, arguments were had, loved ones died, and longed-for children never made it into the world. 

If I knew what was coming, my caption would have read, I can wait.

There have been many a time in life where focusing on the hard times and the unwanted events has taken precedence.  We like to keep hopes high, to assume that the only thing coming up in the road is sunshine and happiness, cool breezes and sweet smelling flowers, laughter drifting in and out of fondly remembered moments.

When there is an inevitable bump, or in some cases a gigantic precipice followed by a seemingly infinite chasm in the road, all other previous moments are inconsequential in our minds. The only things that takes up all the precious space are the challenges, therefore blocking out the beauty beneath.  That evil one, man, he earns his name.

Many a time I sat at a table across from my pastor as he patiently heard my heart full of hurts, fears, and doubts, and on occasion, successes, growths, and dreams.  Many words were taken straight in and hung on to, but one phrase was written as to never be forgotten: "just because the outcome was negative, doesn't mean it was a wrong decision."

Let that simmer a minute.

Why does that assumption always find it's way back in? Why does it feel as if hard means bad, uphill means unnecessary.  Second-guess girl rears it's head again as past decisions are critiqued and Trust slips to the background, letting self take center stage.  To place your Trust in Christ, to believe that God truly is Good and in Control, is to submit to the bumps, peaks, and valleys, to keep your eye on the Horizon and see that though circumstances change, though you change, He never changes.  

Life is full of wait, a word and a lesson I have been called to ponder upon. To rush it is to miss the moments on the way.  God is working, always working, and as exciting as new beginnings are, the journy through them is equally as frustrating, equally as full of desires to quit, to cut and run.  Instead of saying I can't wait to see what He does my answer is instead that I can wait.

I can wait.

I can wait as he renews my strength so that I can run and not be weary (Is. 40:31).  I can wait and keep his way, knowing that I will be exalted to inherit a place in His kingdom (Ps. 37;34).  I can wait because He is good to those who wait for Him, who seek Him (Lam 3:25).  I can wait for the promise of the Father (Acts 1:4)

So I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope [Always Hope]; [May] my soul wait for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. Psalm 130:5-6

There will always be that desire to jump ahead, to see what is coming up, to be expectant of the future, and that is ok. But don't miss what happens in the middle. Don't be in such a hurry for what's next. Don't waste the wait.

Pray for me as I try to relish the waiting, I'll be praying for you.

because I need to be reminded to pray

I wasn't planning on writing today.  Yes, I know Wednesday is my day, the day I set aside all the to-dos no matter what and try to put into words the thoughts that seem to just float around in my head until they are snatched up and tailored to make sense. But not today, today was a day when the no matter whats mattered a little more than normal. 

Tomorrow evening a group of people who have each left a piece of their heart in Romania are gathering at our home to fellowship with and love on the family God used to draw us there.  This loving missionary family and it's many branches are in the US from RO and we are eager to hear the hardships and successes being faced and to assist in filling them up with love so that they can overflow on those so very far away when they return.

Because of this, I had pre-warned my mind that no thoughts were going to be processed today so it would get a little rest, but amidst the cleaning and fall decorating my eyes kept glancing from one object to another and my mind decided it wasn't on vacation after all.

To anyone who knows me well, they know that decorating is one of my favorite things.  It is a hobby that brings me joy, relaxes me, and gives me a creative outlet.  I still have not figured out how to convince my friends to really make good on the request that I come in their homes to help reorganize, rearrange, and redecorate, but one of these days I will hopefully sucker at least one into it.

Though there is an ongoing list in my head of items I'm searching for, I never know when that one special treasure is going to to pop out at me.  While I love the typical spots like Target, Homegoods, and Hobby Lobby, my favorite places are full of once loved and forgotten items or even better, another's free trash that can become my treasure.  The items in my home that bring the biggest smiles are ones that have a story beyond factory to store shelves.  They have either been through something, seen it all and then some, been unearthed from piles others thought were filled with nothing, or been created with the two hands of a loving friend or family member.

Within this treasure trove are a handful of special keepsakes, specifically chosen to remind me of one thing, to pray.  More than souvenirs, these have been taken from special places and purchased from special people and their point extends far beyond home decor.

Leaning on a wall in our entryway is a solid wood door covered in layers of paint.  This door came from the home of a woman forced to leave her home after it had been condemned, a woman living in an area of town ravaged by drugs.  This door stands still not only for looks but to remind me of the families struggling because of addiction, of the children being raised without the basic needs we so often take for granted, of hearts that need healing.

On a shelf in the living room is a watercolor print made by a dear friend, Never Ceases is its infinite reminder.  The picture faithfully sits to remind me to pray for her and her husband as they serve as missionaries in Bogota, as they struggle with the joy and sadness that mixes together when you know you are answering a call in your life but are having to do it so far away from family and friends.

The words are there to remind me to pray for myself and others who need to be reminded that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end.  They are new every morning, great is His faithfulness.

Next to that sweet and beautiful reminder is a metal square with a number and a beautiful white engraved plate.  The number was taken from a home in Romania. This home that looked like it was beyond repair, has now been turned into a two story orphanage, Laney's House, and almost ready to give a loving home to abandoned girls.  Oh how I want to remember those young lives in prayer.

Next to it the plate, handmade by Romanian hands, waits there reminding me to lift up those hands working for it's very life and the lies they are trying to support.

Each of their purposes is great and they do their job faithfully and without complaint, but there is a different truth that happens more often than not.  I walk right by.

Daily, I pass by the beautiful solid wood door, brimming with stories of happiness and heartache, and I do nothing.  Daily, I stare at a shelf filled with beautiful things made for beautiful purposes by beautiful people and my eyes glaze over, recognizing nothing.

Objects are wonderful reminders, when you remember them.  My heart may have the best of intentions to lift others up but on my own I will fail every time.  My heart needs more than visual reminders of a people in need, my heart needs compassion for those people, an ache of love and longing only available through the righteousness given to me through Christ.

Because of Him I am a new creation and because of that I am Holy and Dearly loved and am able to put on a compassionate heart (Colossians 3)

Without the compassion shown to me over and over again from my dear Heavenly Father, I would have no ability to show compassion to another and compassion is a key ingredient when praying for the needs of another.  Compassion fuels your heart's ability to love, to sympathize, to want to help, to want to understand, and to know that there is Hope in the end because the compassion did not come from me it came from and through a Perfect Unfailing Love.  And when I try yet again to remember everything on my own and fail again when I forget everything on my own, that same compassion is what reminds me that I too am in need of the same love, and that I too have it unfailingly.

I don't know how you remind yourself to pray or who is on your heart full of desire to lift up, but I do know that you can't do it alone.

I am praying for compassion to make its way in.

Pray for me, I'll be praying for you.

because time won't heal

There is no desire to ease into conversation today.  There are occasions when before delving into the depths of a hard topic one will attempt to soften their audience, like the pleasantries exchanged in a phone call or meeting before the desired point is finally mentioned.  Then there are times when you are talking with someone so familiar that the hard and deep is what comes up first so that the way is cleared for the pleasant things to come at the end, if there's time, and if there's not no harm is done because you know conversation will be happening again soon.

You are my familiar friends, and though I love the pleasant that can come up, I am more resolved now to dive straight down.  Every word written and every post shared is in a desire to say things out loud. To give voice to distress, to longings, to hurts, to doubts, to love, to comforts, to peace, and to Hope, in a desire to encourage and let you know that you are not alone.  This remains true even if the audience is one person.  If just one understands God in a truer way, sees the love of Christ in a purer way, feels guidance from the Spirit in a more familiar way then it is a job satisfactorily done.  Just one sheep.  It's what Jesus said the shepherd would leave every other one for, if I can not be satisfied with the same then I am not following after Him.

Hurts have been center stage in many conversations with others recently yes in my life but also and mainly in the lives of many others.  Past ones resurfacing ripping open once thought-to-be-healed wounds leaving doubt and forcing reflection, present ones causing new wounds not delicately made, and the knowledge of future ones that will come because they are just impossible to avoid when certain life situations occur.  As no two lives are the same, no two hearts are the same and therefore no two hurts will be either, but the same Truths can be applied.  While the majority would always say they are rooting on the side of these same Truths, somewhere along the way we each may fall victim to the same lies as well.

For you and for me and for anyone else we come in contact with, lets talk about those lies, get them out in the open, shine the spotlight of grace straight into their ugly faces, and see Truth always instead of them.  Today there is a specific one I want under the heat of the lamp.

Time will not heal your wounds.

Though the saying has been around since the days of Chaucer, as he is the one credited for this somewhat well meaning string of words, it only takes a quick google search to see that while it is flippantly and maybe sometimes lovingly spoken to encourage or written in fancy script to decorate a wall, it--in my opinion and the opinion of many many others--is a lie that not only does not help but causes further hurt.

Time is only a manner in which we track how long a process is taking.  It aids our finite minds in keeping a count of the comings and goings of minutes, hours, days, months, and years.  Time on it's own produces nothing.  If we allow time to heal, what we are truly doing is sitting and waiting for a group of measurements to take away pain.  Believe me I understand what the saying means, but what I want to encourage you to do is look past a set of words strung together for a brief pick me up and instead focus deeper on what truly brings lasting healing.

When our bodies are scratched, bruised, and broken it does take time for them to heal but time is not what is healing them.  I have watched a cut on a finger more than once bleed, scab over, and then disappear as if never there.  Time did not heal that scratch. The amazing properties God gave our skin to replenish itself healed the mark.

If badly injured you wouldn't just wait for time to go by hoping for it to get better.  Waiting can cause your injury to become more severe.  Infections can set in, diseases can spread to others, symptoms can worsen, a small cold can progress into a life threatening illness if left untreated.  Letting time pass without assistance can do much damage.

Our hearts and spirits are the same way.

When we are wounded emotionally and spiritually, time will not heal our pain.  Rose Kennedy said, "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree.  The wounds remain.  In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens.  But it is never gone."  

I am inclined to completely agree with her.  The mind will work that way, protecting itself, shoving things in boxes in the far corners, hiding hurts away, and if that is what continues the wound will never be gone, it will just stay hiding until something triggers it back to the forefront needing to be shoved once again into its perfectly labeled box.

However there is another way, the only way to have true healing, the only way to have the Hope promised to us; believing in, submitting before, and clinging onto the Gospel of Christ.

1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Please do not take this as a Sunday School answer, instead take it to heart just as if Peter himself was here speaking to you, pleading with you to not stay stuck in emotional hurts, to not doubt in the healing of your body physically, to not lose Hope in your heart spiritually. 

Jesus spent his life healing people's physical ailments so that he could get their attention and heal them spiritually as well.  He took care of bodies so that He could reach inside hearts. The heart is the place He wants more than any other.

We live in a world filled with hard, filled with bodies that are breaking down day by day, filled with hearts that are so lost and hurting that they hurt those around them as well, filled with believers and non believers alike who either don't know Hope or have lost sight of it.

Every life is different, every heart is different, every hurt is different, therefore every path to healing is different.

Rest assured, there is no timeline of healing.

One body or heart might take just a flash of a moment, one body or heart might take months and years of treatment or counsel, one body or heart might have to wait until they are no longer on this earth to fully receive the healing they desire.  There is no timeline of healing, but there is a sure Hope, there is a promise from a Creator who has never not even once broken one, that He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds and we can call out to Him and He will heal us and in our wait, no matter how long it may be, He upholds us with His righteous right hand.

Let time do what it was created to do, let it remind you that you are not where you were and you are not where you will be, that the present is just the present and a thousand of our days are a blink to the Designer of our lives.  Then Trust in the healing that comes from Him.  It is He alone that can do it.

It is quite a challenge to remember.  So...

Pray for me, I'm praying for you.

for when you need to look for beauty

"What a splendid day!"  said Anne, drawing a long breath.  "Isn't it good just to be alive on a day like this?  I pity the people who aren't born yet for missing it."

Currently carried everywhere in my purse is Anne of Green Gables.  A love was born for spunky Anne Shirley at a young age by the side of one of my best and oldest friends.  Many a friendship currently has deepened because of our genuine love for Prince Edward Island's residents and grown women might grieved greatly when the actor who played our beloved Gilbert passed away.  Picking the book back up after many years was in response to my heart's need for a lovely novel after so many non fictions in a row and the absence of finding any new fiction that could keep my attention for longer than a chapter or two.  On the radio, just yesterday, there was a discussion about the importance of reading older books and the intellectual, moral, and historical lessons needed from them that are just not possible to get from modern literature.  That, plus the news a new miniseries will be coming out based upon this classic series, has given me an uncommon feeling of being quite trendy.

Whenever I am on trend it usually comes as a result of an accident.  I attempt to make myself aware of the fashion trends to a point so I do not find myself looking completely uncool in situations, but mostly I just like what I like as far as fashion, home decor, movies, books, and so on and let that be the guide.  Trends come and go and I do not have the time, money, or husband approval to keep up with the comings and goings.  He was a staunch there is no need to change it until it breaks who cares of it matches or not kind of fella no matter how ugly it may be fella when we first met.  Since currently I am revamping our works perfectly fine but looks like a dungeon 1950s laundry room into a visually appealing space, there is proof that over the years there has been much movement towards my side of thinking that beautifying the areas around you bring a comfortable homeyness and peace to the eyes and spirit.  However, his way of thinking is continually reminding me that I do not need perfection around me, that I can, and should, be able to find beauty anywhere.



It is easy to clearly imagine a day just like Anne is describing, one with a bright blue sky and a smattering of white clouds, one with a hint of a breeze but a full shining sun, one void of humidity that can be enjoyed with a thermometer that doesn't read anywhere near the 90s, one that would without a doubt have a beach, or mountains, or garden, or fields, or a city skyline for a view depending on your preference and personality, one where everything simply seems to fall into place and the only thing left to do is enjoy.  There have been countless days like that in my life, as well, I assume, as in yours, and there will be many more fitting that same description before life on this earth is done.  But, we have and will amass many more that look quite different.

The flipside has days with unbearable heat that have you searching for cool air wherever you can get it, with painful cold that sends people huddling indoors or struck with fear on how to stay warm when there is no door to go in, or with rain and fog and gray clouded dreariness that effects moods without any effort.  There are also days where the outside weather may be textbook perfect but your heart is feeling something so different inside that your eyes have trouble seeing the beauty for what it is, and more importantly from where and Whom it comes. 

There was a season in my life where beauty should have been so hard to find that it would have felt like a desperate daily search just to find an ounce to cling to.  While that did happen more moments than can be counted, while fear and heartache did their best and succeeded at times to cover up every smidgen of beauty the eyes could see, in between the hard and desperation, came arrows shooting straight to small beautiful things forever in the midst, things that once had been stared right through and now became beacons of beauty and gifts in the rubble.  The most precious lessons were learned, one of which...

Beauty is not based on circumstances.  

Like Joy, the ability to see Beauty is not dependent upon the best of circumstances taking places. Beauty can be seen and found in any and all times and situations because it is wholly dependent upon the view through which you are looking.  There are no shortage of things we are promised when we cling to our God of Hope, and while those promises never include perfect lives, they always include life given from One who did live perfectly.  One such promise is to all who mourn...He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair (Isaiah 61:3)

Beauty from ashes.  Beauty in the darkest places.

Looking upon the surface will grant you the ability to see beautiful things the way the world sees them but to miss the infinite amount of beauty that the world's eyes will never be able to see.  Look below the surface, look through the eyes of that sweet Spirit within you that never takes its eyes off the true Beauty always before us, beholding the beauty of the Lord and meditating in His temple (Ps. 27:4

However difficult it may be alone, with Him "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living [as long as I] wait for the Lord; be strong, and let [my] heart take courage and wait for the Lord." Him not me, His eyes, not mine.  Seeing His work in the lives of myself and others, not my efforts.

Let's look for Beauty.

Pray for me, I'll be praying for you.