At writing workshops, one of the most talked about topics is having an ideal reader. You need to know who you are talking to in your head so that you can get across the information necessary to that person. One point that is sure to be made is that you should not make yourself your ideal reader. You must broaden your scope, be a little more general while staying specific, specifically general, so that you reach a wider audience. Sound confusing? Well it is. I have never been good at this, which is probably why I am far from a famous writer, but in my opinion, or at least for my personal desires and purposes, I need to be intimately connected to the topic. Whatever I am saying has to be something I feel or have felt deeply. Something that I also need to hear.To me, if sharing advice or encouragement or knowledge or wisdom, if it is not something you do not also need to hear, you have no business saying it, because you have no understanding from which to pull. My heart needs to comprehend just how much another heart may need the same words, the same lessons. If that means a smaller audience so be it. If Jesus can leave 99 to go after just 1, then I can too.
The thing is, if it were possible, I would often make my past self the ideal reader. What would I say, for example, to the five year old girl so very afraid of the dark, the twelve year old who had no clue how to deal with a friend all of a sudden not wanting to be her friend anymore, the sixteen year old who was trying to balance high school and boys and driving a car without getting lost, the nineteen year old who had her heartbroken, the twenty-two year old newlywed with a new job in a new state, the twenty five year old with a baby completely dependent on her, the thirty-one year old who hit a road bump in marriage so hard it could have possibly totaled the whole thing.
We often say, if we could just go back and tell our past self this, this, and this, everything would have turned out differently, but would it have? Back to the Future is probably not the most intellectual example to throw in here, but in my recollection, going back and making any changes did not seem to help the future out too much.
Changing our past just isn't going to bring sudden happiness and perfection. While I do not completely agree with Rafiki when he whacks Simba on the head and tells him it doesn't matter, it's in the past, I highly agree with his next statement, "You can't change it, but you can learn from it." While we learn, we store away those hard fought lessons for a reason that reaches way beyond our own life's peace. With our life, we have the ability to change another's.
Not everyone has hit the milestones you have, not everyone has gone through the same suffering that you have, and not everyone who has gone through similar sufferings and experiences have made it to the other side of them. There is always someone farther ahead of you and there is always someone coming up behind. One of our jobs as believers is to accept those hands that are there to pull us up and also to reach back with our own hands and pull up another.
We can not do anything about what is done because, as they say, it is done, but we can do something about how we use what happened for not only ourselves, but the ones around us. By living in community, sharing our stories, and saying out loud the things we know we need to hear instead of pretending as if we have it all together, the ones we walk alongside will see, will hear, will have the opportunity to learn without it having to come in the hardest ways. Like Hamilton told Eliza, if I had to fight a war just to meet you, it would have been worth it.
My birthday is tomorrow. 37 years. Dang, that seemed so old when I was in elementary school, but seems so young at this very minute, because of all I know I still have to learn. Regardless, it's been another year of life on earth, another year of making mistakes, another year of successes, another year of growing, another year of seeing how tightly I am held in the hands of my creator and that abiding in Him truly is the best place to be. In honor of this milestone, privilege, I want to share some of my hardest earned lessons, the things I would love to tell my younger self, but can't. Instead I share them with you, the things I want someone else to know in hopes they can learn in an easier way.
* It's ok to be afraid of the dark, it doesn't make you weak. It most likely means you have an overactive imagination which just happens to be an amazing character quality.
* Friendships are hard, but they are worth fighting for. If there is someone you want to remain in your life, take the time to let them know that.
*Friendships are hard, and sometimes they need to be let go, and it's ok if it still sucks even if it's also a relief.
*Friendships are hard and sometimes friendships end and neither of you know why or really wanted it to happen, it just happens.
* Some boys are insane, emotional, and careless with you heart. Some boys are kind, thoughtful, and careful with your heart. That second group of boys will still do stupid stuff.
*It's okay to forgive someone for anything. It doesn't mean you'll still be in each other's life. The forgiveness is more for your heart anyway.
* Being an introvert is a dang good character quality and never apologize for it. It just means you were created to serve this world in a different way with a different view.
* It's always a good idea to have the conversation. Even if you're nervous, even if you're terrified, even if you will cry the whole time you are talking. It's better than leaving needed words unsaid.
* Almost everything is hard the first time you do it, that's why you need to do it a second time and a third and keep going until its easier. Except if what you are doing is illegal. Just stop that now.
* If something comes easy to you that doesn't come easy to others be thankful. You found one of your gifts.
* You do not have to prove anything to anyone. Be confident that you can feel what is best for you. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. If you want to do something, keep at it. Friends will encourage for both sides, non-friends will pressure you on just one. Stick with the encouragers.
* If a boy breaks up with you because you get scared at scary movies then he is an idiot and you are better off without him.
* If there is something nagging you, deep inside, telling you to do something, it doesn't make you feel better to ignore it. Step out in faith knowing the one who has called you to it is trying to do something beautiful somewhere.
* Lifting weights is super fun and makes you feel like a super hero. And even though you know it is super cliche, throwing them down every once in a while is the best feeling!
* Parenting is all kinds of hard and all kinds of beautiful and all kinds of exhausting and all kinds of sanctifying and pretty much the best thing I have ever been allowed to do.
* If you're feeling like a hot mess, say you're feeling like a hot mess. If you're having a crappy day, say you're having a crappy day. If you are in love with where you are in life, say that you are in love with where you are in life. Your honesty is sure to help another be honest as well!
* If one day it feels like life is falling apart, well it might just be, but that doesn't mean it won't get built right back up again, usually in a different and better way.
*Pivots in life don't mean you chose wrong the first time, it means that part is done and it's time to move on to the next thing.
and lastly,
*THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!
I would love to hear some of your hard earned lessons, but until then I am praying that you will learn to use them for others and have the opportunity to see how they can change a life, pray for me.
