for when you need to see what lasts

It's May.  You may think I knew this by looking at the calendar, but the truth is I know May as soon as it peaks it's crazy little head around the corner.  All I have to do is look at the state of my disheveled home, the piles of baseball equipment strewn all over the porch, the stack of field trip forms and end of school reminders, the yard tools ever sitting in the open waiting for the next spare minute to dig up weeds and put down beauty, and about a million and a half other things that signal, yes baby, I'm here...again!

Ten'ish short months ago we said goodbye to summer and started this new school journey with a challenge to think about what the time ahead would look like and how God would use it to propel us forward.  Can I be honest with you here?  It looked nothing like I thought it would. 

There has been much frustration, anguish, confusion, depression, and giving up.  Having expectations can be dangerous things in all aspects of life because of the effects when they are not met, but not knowing what to expect can take you to places where only fear and doubt dwell.  

The best thing in these times is prayer for eyes to see beyond what you alone are able. 

"Just because the outcome is not what you wanted, it doesn't necessarily mean you made the wrong choice."  D. Crandall

If you look back on the past ten months and wonder where the time went or how you find yourself where you are without much to show for it, I feel you.  You are not alone. 

A few weeks ago Zach and I went to an estate sale at a beautiful old house in Oxford, our little blip on the map.  For those who know me, you know that that experience is one of my happy places.  I love rescuing the old, giving it new purpose, but there was a sadness that crept over me as I walked amongst this house with all of its treasures left behind and the words of Ecclesiastes came flooding back into my heart.

"God gives a person riches, wealth, and honor so that he lacks nothing of all he desires for himself. but God does not allow him to enjoy them.  Instead, a stranger will enjoy them." Ecc. 6:2

I did not know the people who lived here and I do not know their hearts or how they lived their lives.  I am not saying that they did not find pleasure in the beauty they had collected or that they didn't know where true joy came from.  But what is true is that when they left this earth none of their belongings went with them and while the possessions themselves did last in a physical sense--well some of them, there were plenty of piles of broken items lost in the corners--in a spiritual sense their meaning was lost with the memory of the owner.  A stranger will now enjoy them, this stranger in particular, and impart new memory and have a new pleasure and in the end the cycle will continue.

But in this there is beauty, because as we see the finite of ourselves, we are reminded of the infinite God we have.

Nothing we produce lasts, it just doesn't.  No matter how hard we try to make ourselves known it is futile, but take heart, because there is something that lasts. 

"Everything God does will last forever, there is no adding to it or taking from it.  God works so that people will be in awe of him."  Ecc. 3:14

Everything God does will last forever and guess what one thing is that he did?  He created you.  And not only did He create you, but He uses the Spirit of His Son to work through you, to touch the lives of others, to be the hands and feet of Jesus here on Earth, to, as James says, be doers of the word and make your faith known by your works through action.

It's easy to let what didn't happen cause you to get lost in the disappointments, confusions, and seeming failures.  If you look back on the past ten months and wonder where the time went or how you find yourself where you are without much to show for it, look again, with different eyes.

I have had the honor these last ten months to watch a child grow in maturity in Christ so much he can see the tangible results, watch a friend find a job she is passionate about and bless countless lives in our community, watch a woman cling to Christ at the ending of her marriage and a couple begin a new life together that will bring a father and mother to the life of a son.  I can keep going, and if you look, I bet you can too.

God's promise has not changed.  He promised in the beginning, way back in Genesis 28:15 that behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land.  For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

It's all a vapor.  Let's not focus on the things that do not last, but the One that does, and what He is doing through us, because He is always doing something.

"If you delight in the fact that you are God's, you CANNOT be disappointed in how He's using you." ~Ryan Johnson

Praying you see your place in this Truth today, pray for me.

gentle, a new word for a new year

It has been five months since we said goodbye to summer and embarked on a journey to make the most of the ten months of the school year.  There have been reminders that He is the simple answer we need in every situation, that He is who gifted us time and knows us fully, therefore can help us be content in what He has called us to do.

Together we have learned that small things are big, we all need new perspective, ways of loving our neighbor, God is worth repeating, there are stages in our growth, that fear does not own us, and that we have misguided thoughts of perfection.

Now, here, as we are halfway through, we find ourselves at the beginning of a new calendar year.  A time to take stock of a year that has passed and a new one that is coming.  There are successes and failures during this first half like during anything else, but above it all is a hand guiding and teaching and in the mirror a person who is not the same, proof of the promise that there is renewal day by day.

Each new year there is a challenge to find a new word, phrase, or idea to ponder upon and grow in.  For a few months I thought I had it nailed.  I have alluded to things I have not yet finished that God has asked of me and just "knew" that Finish was my word of 2018.  However there was the thought, are we ever truly finished this side of heaven?  Besides the fact that I do not have a desire to be "finished" this year in that respect if you catch my drift, when those tasks are completed, and even if they aren't, He will ask different things, new things, that will then need to be finished.  No, finish is not it.

Then thoughts drifted back to something read in the middle of the summer that never quiet left the forefront of my mind.  A word I aspire to be but long ago in my vast wisdom-ha!-deemed it impossible.  Let me explain...

In Elementary school, I called one of my best friends and her dad answered, as she was coming to the phone and asked who it was He responded, "I don't know.  I think it's some boy."  I didn't have the right voice.

In Seventh grade, my first year of junior high, an announcement was made that cheerleading tryouts were coming up.  Now, anyone who thought they knew me would never have assumed I would be interested, but oh my how my heart longed to just try.  There was a desire to be set apart, special, and every girl knew that a cheerleader was about as special as you could get--oh the many things I would love to go back and tell that girl!  Two things stopped me from trying out.  Number 1 when I stomped and clapped like cheerleaders do my thighs jiggled which obviously in my junior high head no one else's did.  And Number 2, I didn't have the right voice.

A large portion of my memorable lifetime has been spent envying my soft spoken friends and their beautifully, quiet, sing-song voices who did not just blurt things out at random times.  A large portion of my memorable lifetime has been spent trying to emulate those tones and qualities and an equally large portion has been spent distrusting the sincerity of people with those voices because if I could not be myself talking that way, they must not be being themselves either.

Somewhere in the journey to find my own truth I came to believe that I could not have a gentle spirit because my literal tone of voice was not gentle enough.  Instead of asking my Creator to develop a quality of character within me, I attempted to change myself and then instead of accepting failure deemed myself incapable.  God is the only one who has the power to change us and He is everything but incapable.

Fast forward to the summer of 2017, 35 1/2 years of living on this earth had passed, and these words from Paul David Tripp were read, "Treating a person with gentleness makes him or her want to move near you.  Responding with gentleness teaches another person that he or she is safe in your care.  It is an essential relational bond." 

Maybe it is odd that the thought of a stray animal came to mind before any other but the brain goes where it goes at times.  Trying to rescue a scared creature might require a somewhat softer tone but much more than that is required a gentle, patient disposition where trust is formed producing a desire to come near.  Too quick of a movement and you can scare them away.  Too short of a wait and you will show them there was not much care to begin with.

This was my desire.  The desire was to instill trust, a desire to be near, a feeling of safety and acceptance. My greatest desire for my relationship with my husband and bond with my boys who are growing rapidly past the young child care taking stage into the emotional and spiritual guiding stage was for them to feel safe with me whether just enjoying time in each other's presence or deep in life giving conversation.  Accomplishing this with just a voice was not going to work, it needed to be shown in action.

Therefore, Gentle is my word for 2018.

1 Peter 3:4 says, "Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  Another translation which just my have one of my favorite phrases in it says, "but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God's sight."

Earlier in life I had misapplied out of the heart the mouth speaks to my tonal quality instead of the words being spoken.  And yes while the sound of your voice makes a huge difference and as a mama something I can struggle incessantly with during times of frustration, it is my words that can give life or take it away.  My mouth will speak the words that are in my heart and if my heart is full of the life giving words God gives the sound, sing-songy or not, will not matter as much.

As the word Gentle becomes a daily thought it will take different forms. 

First will having a literal gentle disposition that will draw others near and having a quiet spirit which comes from being at peace because of Christ and NOT from having a quiet voice.  She's learning folks! 

There will also be a gentleness with myself, grace before judgement which I tend to give to others freely and keep locked away when it comes to my own life, decisions, and mistakes. 

Lastly, there will be striving for a gentle approach.  A new friend commented about gentling herself into the new year, lowering expectations.  Loving this thought more would be impossible.  Expectations kill relationship with ourselves, our family, and our Heavenly Father.  The hurts that have been caused and the arguments that have ensued over unmet expectation is immeasurable.  Gentling, or easing, into conversation instead of conflict is worth practicing and (im)perfecting.

Clean slates, blank pages, an entire calendar before us of things that are not yet known.  It is scary to think about if you assume yourself alone, but to remember that each day has been preplanned for eternity to continually create you to be you is astounding.  Not each day will hold what we deem as good, but our eyes see so little of the story, of both our own stories and the ones of those around us.  The eyes that hold us each as an apple, the eyes that look down and know how we each relate to one another in the larger story of the Kingdom of God will never cease to show us that He is Good and He makes Good for us out of anything.

In this year, whether you choose your own word or not, make sure God is your source of sturdy joy, the thing you are living for, and the reason you do everything you do.

I will be praying for you in this, pray for me.