because in the midst of beauty and despair there is always a faith that keeps walking through

“How is faith to endure, O God, when you allow all this scraping and tearing on us?

You have allowed rivers of blood to flow, mountains of suffering to pile up,

sobs to become humanity's song--all without lifting a finger that we could see.

You have allowed bonds of love beyond number to be painfully snapped.

If you have not abandoned us, explain yourself.

We strain to hear...

The juxtaposition of beauty and despair is a constant for us all. The scales may dip to one side or another, staying down at times longer than anyone would wish or staying up so long the next dip down catches us by surprise more than it should. Growing up you learn in school about America and it's Melting Pot of colors, faces, cultures, foods. I, for one, do not remember specifically being taught that life is also a melting pot of experiences, the good the bad and the ugly as it were. There was always work hard, follow directions, and do your best with either the assumption or adult given guarantee that everything would be okay. But then things do not work out the way you thought. The formula didn't equal the intended result.

Recently I was lying by a pool with a view of Zach in a beautiful pool playing with our boys in the foreground and the mountains of southern Utah in the background while reading a book about a young girl abandoned by her mother, for her own protection, to live in extreme poverty in Nazi Germany yet still understanding compassion for all others when the world around her claimed superiority. Beauty and Despair.

It's difficult to share a cross country experience with your sons the same day you read about Syrian children losing their lives because of chemical warfare. Or checking on social media to look at pictures of a beautiful newborn right next to another showing pictures of their young son diagnosed with cancer. Or feeling helpless as you hear about yet another couple's marriage falling apart because of sin and selfishness when your own, after a similar heartbreak, is full of grace, forgiveness, and healing. Beauty and despair.

There are a few responses our hearts and minds revert to when faced with these two opposites living side by side. There's guilt, much like survivor's guilt, that your life seems easy compared to the struggle of another. There's naivety in believing that another deserves what they're getting while you deserve the rewards you are reaping--consequences are part of actions, but grace is the only reason we see blessing in our lives--Then there is that pesky desire to ignore other's plights while you just concentrate on your "good fortune" doing whatever you can to make sure the tide doesn't turn. You have probably guessed that none of these seem to be the path we should take.

A goal for many in everything life related is calm, peace, no waves, just a constant state of positive. Actions are directed at keeping the scale dipped as low as possible to the side of our earthly vision of beauty. Heaped on top of that plate to weigh it down are a combination material possessions, shared experiences, church visits, donations, and all things that bring a sense of happy no matter how short lived.

But how do we explain with our earthly sense when the scale seemingly stays tipped to the other side whether in our own lives, the lives of our friends, or the lives of strangers on the other side of the world?

The opening quote is one by Nicholas Wolterstorff in his book Lament for a Son. But that is not the full quote. It ends with this, "But instead of hearing an answer we catch sight of God himself scraped and torn. Through our tears we see the tears of God."

When you picture that balance scale in your mind, and just so you know my picture includes a very LOST like image with black and white stones on either side, picture God, His Son, and His Spirit fully present on both sides so that one never outweighs the other because in every beauty there is an understanding of despair that would come if we did not have Him to call on and in every despair there is an understanding of beauty because He is always with us.

Hope always exists in every place hopelessness tries to overtake.

Emily Freeman said, "By faith, we trust he is building his kingdom even while we wait for the day when we can see with our eyes how he is making all things right again.

Much like my pastor's definition of love, Paul David Tripp has one on Faith that is simple to understand yet full of depth when pondered through. He describes faith as having two parts, both as important as the other. The first is believing that God exists. The second is letting that belief radically change how you live your life.

"Trust in the dark, trust in the light, trust at night and trust in the morning, and you will find that the faith that many begin, perhaps by a mighty effort will end, sooner or later, by becoming the easy and natural habit of the soul." ~The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life

So how do we explain the reasoning behind beauty and despair living side by side? We don't. Somethings are unexplainable and then again somethings just do not need to be explained. Instead, we just walk in it. Walk in the Faith that believes God exists and then continue that Faith by letting our actions shower Christ over others so that whether they believe themselves to be in a moment of despair or beauty all they will really see is Him.

As Pat Dye is known for saying, "There's going to be a lot of days where you lay your guts on the line and come back empty. Ain't a damn thing you can do about it but go out there and lay them on the line again. And again, and again."

The Truth of it is, you'll never come back empty handed if who you are laying it all down for is Christ.

Praying that in that mix of beauty and despair you can see the Faith in your life growing and the actions of your life being radically changed. Pray for me.

bec

for when you need to look for beauty

"What a splendid day!"  said Anne, drawing a long breath.  "Isn't it good just to be alive on a day like this?  I pity the people who aren't born yet for missing it."

Currently carried everywhere in my purse is Anne of Green Gables.  A love was born for spunky Anne Shirley at a young age by the side of one of my best and oldest friends.  Many a friendship currently has deepened because of our genuine love for Prince Edward Island's residents and grown women might grieved greatly when the actor who played our beloved Gilbert passed away.  Picking the book back up after many years was in response to my heart's need for a lovely novel after so many non fictions in a row and the absence of finding any new fiction that could keep my attention for longer than a chapter or two.  On the radio, just yesterday, there was a discussion about the importance of reading older books and the intellectual, moral, and historical lessons needed from them that are just not possible to get from modern literature.  That, plus the news a new miniseries will be coming out based upon this classic series, has given me an uncommon feeling of being quite trendy.

Whenever I am on trend it usually comes as a result of an accident.  I attempt to make myself aware of the fashion trends to a point so I do not find myself looking completely uncool in situations, but mostly I just like what I like as far as fashion, home decor, movies, books, and so on and let that be the guide.  Trends come and go and I do not have the time, money, or husband approval to keep up with the comings and goings.  He was a staunch there is no need to change it until it breaks who cares of it matches or not kind of fella no matter how ugly it may be fella when we first met.  Since currently I am revamping our works perfectly fine but looks like a dungeon 1950s laundry room into a visually appealing space, there is proof that over the years there has been much movement towards my side of thinking that beautifying the areas around you bring a comfortable homeyness and peace to the eyes and spirit.  However, his way of thinking is continually reminding me that I do not need perfection around me, that I can, and should, be able to find beauty anywhere.



It is easy to clearly imagine a day just like Anne is describing, one with a bright blue sky and a smattering of white clouds, one with a hint of a breeze but a full shining sun, one void of humidity that can be enjoyed with a thermometer that doesn't read anywhere near the 90s, one that would without a doubt have a beach, or mountains, or garden, or fields, or a city skyline for a view depending on your preference and personality, one where everything simply seems to fall into place and the only thing left to do is enjoy.  There have been countless days like that in my life, as well, I assume, as in yours, and there will be many more fitting that same description before life on this earth is done.  But, we have and will amass many more that look quite different.

The flipside has days with unbearable heat that have you searching for cool air wherever you can get it, with painful cold that sends people huddling indoors or struck with fear on how to stay warm when there is no door to go in, or with rain and fog and gray clouded dreariness that effects moods without any effort.  There are also days where the outside weather may be textbook perfect but your heart is feeling something so different inside that your eyes have trouble seeing the beauty for what it is, and more importantly from where and Whom it comes. 

There was a season in my life where beauty should have been so hard to find that it would have felt like a desperate daily search just to find an ounce to cling to.  While that did happen more moments than can be counted, while fear and heartache did their best and succeeded at times to cover up every smidgen of beauty the eyes could see, in between the hard and desperation, came arrows shooting straight to small beautiful things forever in the midst, things that once had been stared right through and now became beacons of beauty and gifts in the rubble.  The most precious lessons were learned, one of which...

Beauty is not based on circumstances.  

Like Joy, the ability to see Beauty is not dependent upon the best of circumstances taking places. Beauty can be seen and found in any and all times and situations because it is wholly dependent upon the view through which you are looking.  There are no shortage of things we are promised when we cling to our God of Hope, and while those promises never include perfect lives, they always include life given from One who did live perfectly.  One such promise is to all who mourn...He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair (Isaiah 61:3)

Beauty from ashes.  Beauty in the darkest places.

Looking upon the surface will grant you the ability to see beautiful things the way the world sees them but to miss the infinite amount of beauty that the world's eyes will never be able to see.  Look below the surface, look through the eyes of that sweet Spirit within you that never takes its eyes off the true Beauty always before us, beholding the beauty of the Lord and meditating in His temple (Ps. 27:4

However difficult it may be alone, with Him "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living [as long as I] wait for the Lord; be strong, and let [my] heart take courage and wait for the Lord." Him not me, His eyes, not mine.  Seeing His work in the lives of myself and others, not my efforts.

Let's look for Beauty.

Pray for me, I'll be praying for you.