because you need to remember why you started

Once upon a time, before he reached his current level of maturity and contentment in his wisdom, my husband was 'famous' for saying he had read certain books when he truly had not.  In order to seem just as well-read as others in our small group he would always respond with oh yeah that's a good one when someone would talk about a very deep spiritual book they had read.  The day he finally confessed this, in the same small group environment, was hard for him I'm sure, but ended up being hilarious because it was not the big deal he had built up in his head.  No one automatically doubted his opinions because he had not completed the nonexistent list of required reads written by spiritual giant in order to become a spiritual giant.  To this day, the subject still comes up occasionally in a lighthearted way.

I am the opposite, I never claim to read something I have not, but I will completely avoid reading certain books or authors out of fear that I won't be able to grasp their points.  If I don't read them, then I won't have to face that fact that I'm not as smart as another who not only read it but can recount and build upon the philosophical meanings.  No, neither one of us was going about it the right way.

Because of this fear there are many things I have had on my to read list that have stayed there, one of which was A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson.  His passing this week and the many beautiful words others have said about him and his life's work inspired me to finally pick up this book that has been sitting on my night stand since last Christmas--my courage had lasted only long enough to put it on my wishlist.  It took exactly one paragraph for me to get hooked and exactly one day for me to be inspired in my own writing from reading his.

On page 1 of chapter 1--I told you it didn't take long--he categorizes the difficulties we face into three categories.  One category is the world and our inability to recognize the world's temptations in our lives and how, in sometimes subtle ways, it changes the way we live.

I talk a lot about the world and the way it defines words differently than how God defined them, words like joy and hope and that it's not just semantics, because how you say something to another is just as important as understanding the true meaning behind what you are trying to say.  And then there was last week, and the concept of looking for the beauty and purpose of where you are instead of letting the world convince you that another place is always better.

Peterson says that "one aspect of world that I have been able to identify as harmful to Christians is the assumption that anything worthwhile can be acquired at once."  As we live lives where we can fail over and over or get side tracked again and again which leads to questioning and doubts that we really are on the right path, we can't see the beauty of now without remembering why we started that way in the first place.

We do not start our jobs, we do not open new businesses, we do not initiate new ventures without being spurred on by something.  Whether it was a dream we always held in our hearts to accomplish, a calling we felt placed heavily on our hearts, or a gift that was given to us through the spirit that we felt compelled to use, we all started with excitement and dedication to the task.  Like that fresh faced early adult, we skipped in the world with our ideals and aspirations ready to conquer, assuming like Peterson said, it could be acquired at once because of the nobility of its cause.

So what happened?  Adversity.  You inevitably faced adversity.  Setbacks, challenges, failures, pitfalls, misfortunes, road blocks.  Whatever the word, and whatever the degree, something stood in the way and left you reconsidering not just your current state, but your entire existence in your present field. 

As you sit, in the middle of the questions and doubts, there are two choices.  The first is to quit and start over with something completely new and maybe, at times, that really is the right choice, but not because you failed but because you were guided elsewhere.  The second is to stop and remember why you started.

That idealistic youngster isn't someone to laugh at, it's someone to learn from because they hold the initial information, the reason for beginning.  Taking your early self's initiative and pairing it with your experienced self's knowledge creates the person God will used to accomplish the initial task He planned for you. 

If you find yourself bogged down in a place that began as a dream, but has begun to feel as the opposite I want to give you two steps to follow.

1.  Identify what is weighing you down

     Do not ignore the hardships, the little or big things that are standing in the way, whether it is a person, your attitude, finances, etc, give each and every one of them a name.  Call them out, write them down, look at them.  They, tangible or intangible, are real and until you seem them you cannot stand against them.

2.  Identify why you started

     Follow the trail back to the beginning.  What initiated your desire to start, what did you want to accomplish, what gift of grace lies in your skill set that made you the exact person God desired to finish this work. 

Your dream, calling, and/or gift did not run out or disappear, it is just buried in the muck of the world.

There is a reason Adversity is a word used by every player and every coach in every post-game interview ever done, because it is every where in every situation on any given day.  Just this morning my CrossFit coach was explaining his current training method as adversity training, putting our bodies through short periods of intense work and then rest so that they can learn to handle harder things in the future. 

God is training our hearts and minds to be able to, through Him, accomplish short periods of hard work so that we can handle harder things in the future.  The lie of the world that everything worthwhile is easy to accomplish is there so that we will quit doing the worthwhile things when they become hard.  But if you remember the words of Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own, "the hard is what makes it great."

Paul knew this and reminded the churches of it often.  Keep striving under persecution, because that is spreading the gospel.  Do not worry about what I (Paul) have been through, what has happened to me has helped progress the gospel.  Our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed later.

Denzel Washington, in an acceptance speech at the NAACP Image Awards, spoke of striving forward and said if you "fall down seven times, get up eight."  Just do not try to get up on your own.

The work you are doing is Good work and God will complete it in you.  Let the beginning callings spur you through the current muck to get to the glory, His glory, revealing ending.

I am praying that you can remember, pray for me.

for when you need to pay attention to what you already have

Arches National Park and Canyonlands National Park are located in southern Utah on either side of a town called Moab.  Our family of five, feet donned in brand new hiking boots, took one step after another over the red rocks and sand to take in views of and around arches created by God through the natural elements of wind and rain.  Decades upon decades, centuries upon centuries have slowly at times and quickly at others shaped a landscape that is ever changing and defied our sense of gravity as huge rock are upheld in ways that seem to be impossible because of the smallness of the pillars that keep them there.

From this land of red that towers over everything around it, we drove north to the area surrounding another natural phenomenon, a salt lake no where near an ocean.  The mountains here towered as well, but instead of the red of the south you could see the snow caps vibrantly contrasting against the dark gray of the rock and the green of the trees.  On a hike, that pretty much went straight up, we traveled from fall to winter and were greeted with a Narnia-like atmosphere as we reached the snow line as clumps of white clung to branches and flakes fell on our faces.  At the end we were given the breathtaking--and not just because of the cold--view of a mountain lake surrounded by snow reflecting the peaks in its waters.

After spending five days across the country in an area that touts one gorgeous view after another, it is easy for your heart to find fault in where you are or to find longing to be elsewhere.  I am ashamed to say that when we were in the airport on our way home and our sweet son wondered which passengers around us were here to come home and which were here to visit I scoffed that I wouldn't think anyone flew across the country just to visit Atlanta.  I, in that moment, crushed a bit of his spirit and love for a place that he still finds joy in visiting and gave an example of judgement and displeasure that I do not want to instill in their minds and hearts.

When we go somewhere, whether across the country or just a new friend's home, two reactions can occur, we either look down on it because it is not as good as where we are from or we elevate it because we think it is way better than what we have.  The goal would be to enjoy the beauty of other places or dig to find the beauty in other places while being able to simultaneously do both in your own backyard as well.  Whatever side we are standing on, we need to remember that every patch of grass has a weed or two and that any empty lot can hold a treasure inside.

When talking to the relative we stayed with a few of our nights, I learned that there were million dollar homes nearby whose views were nothing but factories and smoke stacks, that there are specific months of the year where they know they will not be able to see the mountains because the smog is too thick, and that there are certain sides of town that you do not want to live on, not because of crime or poor school districts, but because you will be swarmed by bugs the minute you step outside your door in the summertime.  This information did not take away from the beauty that was there, but it did bring reality to the perfect image my mind had almost instantly created on its own.

Real life, when we were looking at all the beauty the arches had to offer we were doing it wearing rain coats praying for just a bit of blue sky or just a relief from the drops falling in our eyes, but because we had flown across the US we were determined to not let the weather cloud our eyes from the beauty there was to see.  I began to think what if that were my every day, what if I refused to let the the 'weather' tempt my eyes to see anything but the beauty of where I am.

This idea was transferred to a different aspect of life this week while listening to an episode of The Pivot featuring Missy Wallace who founded and leads the Nashville Institute for Faith and Work which helps people see how their given gifts should drive their job search and how using those gifts you have been given can advance the Kingdom in any and every occupation.  When more than a minute is used to explain the way a spreadsheet compares to the character of God, you know she believes wholeheartedly in the concept.

Regardless of the goals we want to achieve and the places that we will be taken in the future, the here and now of where we are is the here and now for a reason and we must search for the beauty of it and our purpose in it.

It is not a coincidence that Colossians was in my reading when we returned home.  At the end of a book that I have read countless times and love so much was a verse that had not yet ever caught my eye.

Pay attention to the ministry you have received in the Lord, so that you can accomplish it. Col. 4:17

This one line was written to a specific person but it is included in this holy text for us all.  We have been given a ministry to be done with the gifts we have been given.  It will not be easy, we will not be perfect at it, there are times where we will look at another in their work and become envious because we think their job is better or easier or more special.  There will be times we elevate ourselves because we think what we are doing is better or easier or more special.  In truth, they are all integral, because there is a need for His people in every aspect of life, every career, every hobby.  In each, His love can be shown and His gospel can be told and the grassroots movement that was started long ago will continue to flourish.

I can be just as thankful and overwhelmed by the beautiful mountains in the west as I am by the pecan trees right outside my door.  I can be just as purposeful to God in the painting of furniture, the typing of words, and the mothering of my children than is the doctor who helps them get better when they are ill.  You are no different.

I am praying for you, praying you see the beauty in the here and now, even if you do still long for the future and praying that you will be able to pay attention to the ministry you have received, so that you can accomplish it.  Pray for me.

because Crossfit points me to the Body of Christ

Almost four years ago two friends opened a Box.  For those who are not up to date on CrossFit vocabulary, a Box is the term used for a CrossFit gym.  Personally, I just call it going to exercise because that is the term I have yelled out to all the boys these past five years as I walk out the door alone, "Bye guys, I'm going to exercise!"  Honestly, that's why I started working out in the first place.

After living too long on my dancer--as in ballerina and the like, not exotic--body from high school without any regular routine and having three babies my body was, shall I say, different than it once had been.  I was unmotivated to do anything alone at home and when a friend started boot camp classes two afternoons a week, the same two days my husband just happened to be working from home each week, he encouraged me to go.  That hour of driving in a car alone, working out with someone who planned everything and told me what to do, and then driving back alone fulfilled a need in me I didn't really understand I had.  Fast forward to that same friend opening a box with her husband and me not wanting to give up those two hours a week, I became a Crossfitter.

I could go on and on about the improvements that have occurred from muscle tone to confidence to the unique and diverse individuals I have become friends with, a group that you'd be hard-pressed to accumulate in many other realms.  Recently, another thing I have begun to learn is my weaknesses.  Understanding your weaknesses just reveals things you need to improve on, but as some appear, one thing has become clear, parts of my body just do not work the same way others' do.  At times it has been discouraging, as I am tempted to get upset as another easily picks up a new skill while my arms just can't figure out how to push my body up.  Well, God blessed me with monkey length arms--no really, my sister also understands this pain--and those extra inches provide a whole other level of difficulty.  Will I ever be able to do it, probably, will it ever be as easy, no.  And you know what, that's ok.

Right now all over the world, hundreds of thousands of people are involved in something known as The Open.  (Stay with me here, the Crossfit comparison is almost over!)  Five weeks long, with a different workout announced each week, we push ourselves and cheer each other on as we accomplish whatever has been set before us.  At our gym we have an in-house competition in teams.  God bless a team, because not only do you have people who you know are rooting for you, but being different people, we possess different skills, and others are able to pick up your slack as you pick up theirs.  It is in this, that I am reminded of the Body of Christ.

This has been a topic that has been on my mind for months.  What is the body of Christ?  What does it truly look like?  Are we, as Christians, fulfilling it's design here on this earth?

Christ is all things.  In Colossians 1 we read that, "for by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through him and for him.  And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together."  He was sent to dwell on this earth because he is all things and because we are not, and can't ever be.

We in our finite beings, were created for community, created to work together, to pick up where another leaves off and to accomplish tasks another was not created to accomplish.  Romans 12:4 states that, "For just as each of us has one body with many members, these members do not all have the same function."  It is all of us that collectively make up what our one individual Savior was able to do.  For a more in-depth look check this out.

Problem is, we fail at it often, and for a very obvious reason, we don't like to be different.

Conforming is exactly what we are warned again, but exactly what we long to do.  Let me look like everyone else.  Let me act like everyone else.  Let me attain what everyone else has attained.  We have a goal person we want to emulate and most of our time and money and mental capacity is spent achieving it.  We judge ourselves by what others are good at instead of looking at our own gifts and using them to their full ability.

Remember that interview with Sally Lloyd Jones?  She said, "We on our own have a hierarchy of what is worthy and what isn't.  God does not have that.  He sees each of us as what He created us to be and if we are filling that role it is beautiful and helps bring order to the chaos which is this fallen world." 

Not only do we try to conform in how we act and look, but also in working in our passions.  Recently, in a family conversation, we were discussing a hot topic, my husband's family LIVES to discuss 'hot topics.'  Another brought up suddenly that we shouldn't be talking about *this, we should instead be talking about *that.  But the thing is, there will never be just one issue with which the world is struggling.  No matter what is getting media attention, there are hundreds of other things that also need attention, need money, need support, need PEOPLE passionate about them and working to make them nonexistent.

Howard Thurman wrote, "Don't ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." 

The world needs us in everything, so where are you going to come alive?

There is a statistic that is repeatedly stated in the Foster Care Community is, "If 1 family in every 3 churches adopted a child from the US foster care system then every child would be in a family."  

I can't help but think that would result in the same thing for other issues as well.  All families are not called to foster or adopt, but they are called to something, passionate about something.  What if 1 family in every 3 churches became involved in housing the homeless?  Or 1 family in every 3 churches came alongside young pregnant mothers?  Or 1 in every 3 families supported a refugee family trying to assimilate in this strange new part of the world? Or walked beside boys who searched out a family atmosphere in a gang related way?  Or became passionate about supporting their local public school? Or, or, or...

It is not enough to be a believer who only hears, James tells us we have to DO something as well.  Your actions don't produce salvation, but your salvation should produce action.

We are the beautiful body of Christ, individual of one another, but working together to do His work.

My oldest wants to pursue a career in engineering and my middle wants to become a sports star.  They can dream however they want, they can pursue whatever they wish, my only prayer for them is the same prayer I have for you.  Find what you are passionate about and be the Body of Christ within it.  Please pray the same for me.

because not everything is a gift

It is no secret that we are a music loving family.  Hamilton captured all of ours, and most of the country's, attention for quite some time.  Our boys can name music scores after barely a handful of notes have been played and since the gift of a google home mini, dance parties in the kitchen are even more frequent because you can bring up any song with just a sentence aimed at that little gray circle on the counter.

My background in music is far from professional but still contains a variety of outlets, most frequently being dance and show choir.  From a young age I have LOVED musicals and when there is a good dance number involved, Yes Please! 

Getting to the movies, another one of our family's favorite things to do together, is tricky.  Times, schedules, calendar events, and the not so cheap price of tickets definitely hinder our ability, but there is a movie out right now that all of us are dying to go see.  The fact that we have been listening to the soundtrack nonstop for a week or two to prepare for the viewing has only fueled our desire.  The Greatest Showman scratches all of my musical loving itches.  Fantastic lyrics, dance party worthy rhythms, amazing voices, and emotions that have already caused a tear session or two--or ten.  At the heart of this story, without even having viewed it yet, I know is family, whether they come through blood, marriage, or those people drawn together through life experience who now have each other to turn to.

There are many angles to this story, but one is about the conception of the show as P.T. Barnum searches out people who have been cast out by society because of a strange characteristic that he helps them see as uniquely extraordinary.  At one point near the end Barnum is devastated at some consequences from his actions and he is approached by this same group of would-be misfits and told "while he may not have always done the right thing, he saw them all as more than freaks and gave them a real family and home." 

Others had pointed out to them their weaknesses and another came along and used them as strengths.

When recalling the thoughts on Sally Lloyd Jones' interview, there was much shared about gifts.  Again this past weekend during a retreat and then again during a conversation at the gym, the subject came up, and there was a consensus that gifts do not have to be worked for, they just appear.  It is why a three year old can play flawless violin, or a 9 year old can throw a knuckleball that could still confuse the most experienced hitters, why a deaf man can compose symphonies, or why a man well into retirement with no education can pick up a pencil and draw something so beautiful you would argue that it was a photograph. Can you fine tune them? of course, but that is just being a steward of what you have been given.  The gifting was given gracefully and abundantly for one reason, so that you would see God and give Him glory for what you have that you had no control over getting. 

God has given each of [us] a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts.  Use them well to serve one another.  1 Peter 4:10

We need to be thankful for the gifts and need to be intentional about being watchful for them in life instead of just disregarding them.  I have felt the desire to do that in the last few weeks, I hope you have too.  But, Y'all, in those watchful, intentional searches there are quite a bit of things found that are far from gifts.  They are things that still come easily, but instead of wanting to wrap up and hold on to them, it is the opposite desire, the desire to purge.  This is not a let's put it all in a donation box to see if anyone else wants it purge.  It's a let's "turn it into a flea, and then put that flea in a box, and then put that box inside of another box, and then mail that box to yourself, and when it arrives...smash it with a hammer!" kind of feeling.  Thank you Emperor's New Groove for that glorious word picture.

We each have a variety of struggles, that is no big news, we walk through ups and downs seeing successes from illnesses, vices, losses, and traumatic events and are thankful for each of them, but I know we each have those certain things that never quite go away.  That one struggle that keeps coming back again and again, sometimes with vengeance.  We've pleaded, we've prayed, we've begged for it to go away, but still there it is, making itself at home in our life like Cousin Eddie's tenement on wheels in the driveway.

But guess what, there is Hope in that as well. 

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh...three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 2 Cor. 12:7-8

We have an example, a great man of God who was given a thorn in the flesh that he pleaded with the Lord to take away that never was.  And why didn't He?

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9 

I know my thorns, the two biggest are fear and envy.  I do not know what yours are, but I know they are there and that you probably already can name them because if there is one thing we are good at, it is picking out our faults way before we can name our gifts.  While maybe they have not been placed in your life because you would other wise be conceited, there is confidence that they have been placed there so that you will have to rely on God to continue.  John Calvin says, "For men have no taste for God's power ill they are convinced of their need of it and they immediately forget its value unless they are conditionally reminded by awareness of their own weakness" He knows we need Him, and it is by His grace that he brings us back into the fold in this way as well.  It is about His strength being made perfect, not our own.

"No one enjoys feeling weak," says Charles Stanley, "whether it is emotionally, spiritually, or physically.  There is something within the human spirit that wants to resist the thought of weakness.  Many times this is nothing more than our human pride at work.  Just as weakness carries a great potential for strength, pride carries an equally great potential for defeat."  

This is not an overnight venture, immediately upon reading these words, as if a magical spell, will not result in becoming thankful and appreciative for all the crap that never seems to go away.  Mainly because that's not the point.  The point is to begin to "boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me...for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12:9-10

We have been sought out and included in the Kingdom with our gifts as well as our weaknesses, most importantly even, our weaknesses.  

I'll be praying as they are made known to you, pray for me.