Day 4 of
For me the rest of this challenge is all downhill, and I don't mean the quality of my writing. At least I hope not! Yesterday when I shared about it all blowing up I could breathe a sigh of relief. That post was the exact reason I wanted to do this challenge and the exact reason I almost didn't. Though my prayer is to share our story to anyone who needs it for their own encouragement and for the glory of our God, at this point I have only trusted those nearest and dearest to me with it. The ones I knew would love us anyway, regardless of the sins in our lives. That gave fear a green light to keep sneaking in and grabbing at my heart, trying to convince me to hide our tainted past because others might not feel the same way. They might not understand.
Often, oh so very often, when our Spirit is driving us towards the very thing that we need, our flesh sends us down in the opposite direction. Instead of living in hope, we convince ourselves that it is all hopeless.
Hopelessness is a scary feeling. Of all the negative emotions I can think of, fear, anxiety, humiliation, sadness and so on, hopelessness is the worst of all. In fact, every other negative emotion, if left on its own to fester, will most likely take a turn down that ugly hopeless road. Hopelessness will eat at your heart, mind and soul. It will convince you that you are worthless. It will convince you that you mean nothing to anyone. It will convince you that who you are and what you've done is so terrible, or so ugly, or so imperfect that there is nothing left for you, and that just opens you up to another host of negative emotions. Bitterness, anger, callousness, and depression just to name a few.
To be without hope, to be hopeless, is to be stuck in a place that's impossible to get out of, desperate, despairing, down in the bottom with no where else to go and no one to turn to. If that is not everyone's worst nightmare than it should be!
The only problem though is that if you've never known true Hope, hopelessness is your only option. If you have always lived your life in the dark, you have no clue what light looks like. Darkness is your only option. Just like how you can not crawl out of a pit without some kind of assistance, you can not find Hope by yourself. You can try but I promise it won't work. It will be a long frustrating road.
There is only one true light and it comes from heaven. Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will NEVER walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
If any of this seems familiar in your life, please stop and think, pray, find a bible, call someone, or yell and scream at God. I promise He can take it! Do something besides sit in the dark. Hopelessness is not the only option. "Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it!" John 1:5
Fear kept trying to convince me that my story is something to be ashamed of, and much better to be left in the dark, which is the worst place to leave anything.
Because of the hope I've placed in Him, because of the Hope that is within me, I am His child and that means "I am a light of the world. A city on a hill that cannot be hidden!" Matthew 5:14
And if you are His child, SO ARE YOU!