because each of our lives could be a podcast

My dad used to drive us to elementary school.  At the time he had a brown 1979 Impala that he had been given by my grandparents complete with cigarette burned front seats, a ceiling with fabric so droopy it could hit you in the head if you sat up too straight, and a push button radio that he only kept on NPR which never failed to tell us how many minutes it was until the hour as we were getting out in front of the school drop off line.

So, with that explanation, I guess you can say my hatred for talk radio began at a young age.  Apart from Click and Clack's comical Boston accented voices on Car Talk who will forever hold high rankings in my fondest childhood memories, I have always found talk radio to be false thoughts only spoken as ads, full of unnecessary sensationalized emotions and opinions that seem to do more for segregating people then bringing them together, or, well, boring.  I realize that is a strong statement.  Sorry that I have to stick by it pretty intensely.  Forgive me if you have different opinions!

It was because of this, and these preconceived opinions, that I have jumped, very late, onto the podcast bandwagon.  My inability to pay attention to them while also working on other things has kept my list down to just a handful of favorites that can be listened to when my mind does not need to be engaged elsewhere, most of which are just people I may or may not have ever heard of telling their life stories.

In conversation the other day I was sharing with a friend some wonderful insight I had gained through listening to a guest on The Pivot and how cool it was that this person who I will never meet dared to bare their soul and hard earned wisdom of life just so that I, Sarah in Oxford, Ga, could be spoken into.  There is such beauty in that, that sharing of life to benefit the life of another.  Conversation continued on about how many celebrities now have podcasts and how thousands and thousands will listen to them for no other reason than because they are well known.

This thought was pondered quite a bit and then I remembered a verse in John that portrayed another preconceived opinion that one of the disciples had before following along.  At the end of chapter 1 when Philip tells his friend that they have found the Messiah and are going to follow him.  His friend replies, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?"

Why do we often assume good things only come from big important places or big important people?  When there are 7 billion people available, quite a few are going to be known, well known, famously or infamously so.  Most of us will not reach that level of recognizability by the masses, but we still each have a story to tell.  We each have the ability to impact another with what we have been through, what we have been brought through, and where we are going.

I'm not saying we should each start a podcast, but we should each tell our stories.  Talk about what has happened, what God has done through it.  When Jesus restored the literally out of his mind naked man in Luke 8 back to his senses he begged to go with them wherever they were going, but Jesus said no, instead, go home and tell what God has done for you.  Go to that little town you have been living outside of and say it to them.

We are not all meant to have the loudest voices, but we are all meant to speak.  

I'm not saying we should each start a podcast, but we each could, because anything Good can come out of anywhere if God is deeming it to be so.  You can be the stone that starts a giant ripple that brings others to Him.

Oh Nazareth, you precious little blip on the map.  Can good come from you?  Yes, and it was the ultimate Good.

I'll be praying that you not just know your perfectly purposely planned and executed story for His glory, but that you will tell it to others and let them see.  Pray for me.

because we can't hold on forever

I have never really liked my hands. My sister inherited the good hands. They're soft and smooth, long fingers with nails that grow past the point where the white actually shows and can be filed in a ladylike manner. I seem to have inherited the opposite. Even at a young age they seemed, to my eyes, like old lady hands. I got the large veins that show their blue through the skin on the back, short fingernails that break way too easily, and no amount of lotion will keep them soft and supple for long.

You would think that the four years of CrossFit they have endured would make me like them less, because now added in with what was previously mentioned are calluses and torn blisters and the scars that are still slightly visible from previous ones that have already healed.  But actually, that makes me like them a little more, because at least I can see with my eyes the work they have done.  If I can't have pretty, at least I have productive.

But there's one part, one aspect, those two extremities at the end of my arms have that I just can't seem to improve on my opinion of, how well they can hold on.

It never fails, or I guess I should say they always fail.  Sooner or later, usually sooner rather than later, they give out and let go.  All my willpower in the world cannot make them hold a bar for longer than they are able.  I have to stop and rest them, shake them out, and will them to try again.  Recently, after having a seemingly normal conversation--well a normal conversation for some of us--about grip strength and bar cycling with one of our coaches, I sat in the car staring at my battle wounds and gained a sense of understanding.  Yes, I can improve their strength, our bodies were created in an amazing way that makes grown and improvement a possibility, but I will never be able to hold on to anything forever.  I wasn't built to hold on,  I was built to be held on to.

A story I was told years ago has always stayed with me.  In the story this man's friend was on a tubing trip with his family.  As they floated contentedly down the river, his young daughter in his lap, the water's current started to quicken and before them they saw that the rapids that were usually quiet had grown fierce and wild with the recent rain.  He braced himself for the blows to come and with all his might held tightly to his daughter as they were thrown from the tube and sent into the waters.  Tumbling and turning he kept holding on until they finally reached calm waters again.  With tears streaming down her face she grinned proudly at her daddy and said I holded on, I holded on the whole time!  But he knew the truth, she wasn't safe because of her strength to hold on, she was safe because someone stronger was holding on to her, and he never let go.

It's a lesson I have learned a thousand times for sure with thousands left to go, I can't control the outcomes I can only fulfill my part.  I can't force things to happen that are not meant to be, just like I can't stop what's meant to be from happening.  I can cling and stretch and learn and grow, all good things to be sure, but eventually I'll have to let go, and when I do I can clearly see the One who is always holding on to me.  In my weakness I see His strength, in my weakness He in my makes me strong.

As I continue and practice, strength will grow in my body, but as for my Spirit, instead of learning to hold on longer, maybe the lesson should be to let go a little sooner so that I may rest in My Father who will never let go.  I'll be praying that for you, pray for me.

For do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

because we need to live out our unique passion

You know you've hit it the minute it happens.  In the middle of conversation you ask the right question or mention the right topic and suddenly the face in front of you lights up in a new way.  Eyes open wide, smile even wider, their countenance changes as they become almost giddy and All In to the conversation.  Child or adult, introvert or extrovert, the scenario doesn't change, because when you find the right thing we all become giddy, over spilling with words that cannot be hemmed in because now we are talking about our passion.

A passion is more than a hobby, it's more than a delightful pastime, a passion makes people come alive.  It taps into the deepest essence of who God created them to be and what he created them to do.  "What does it mean to be an ambassador of the King?" Paul David Tripp asks.  "It means reflecting his message, his methods, and his character wherever he has placed you."  Wherever in whatever.

As easy as you would think it would be to know your passion, to know what you were wired to do, it is not.  It takes thought, concentration, and noticing.  Sometimes it is almost impossible to do on your own.  In an interview on Andrew Osenga's podcast The Pivot, Bebo Norman mentions how integral our community is in regards to seeing ourselves in a true light.  Our community, the people we have built our lives with and around, see us in ways we can never see ourselves.  They see us without preconceptions and veiled covered eyes.  They are the ones looking and they are the ones who can see when we light up.

But even when a passion is pinpointed, it is even harder sometimes to allow your self to succumb to it.  As odd as that sounds, it is so very true.  We, in our human desire to please and succeed, stuff passions placed within us and though you may be able to justify the why with a million different reasons, I feel as if they all boil down to two root things, expections and fear.

--though they are just another way of saying the two roots of all sin, pride and unbelief.  Thanks to my PCA loving in-lawed family for teaching me that little tidbit within a week of knowing you--

1.  Expectations- Shakespeare said that "Expectation is the root of all heartache." and I can name quite a few of his works where the reality of this was played out.  We find that thing that makes us tick, that makes us feel alive, but then we look at it from another angle and then another and doubt seeps in.  It doesn't "look" as impressive as I thought.  It doesn't look as productive as this other thing may be.  If I sit around the tables at my high school or college reunion or family gathering and chat about it, how will it sound?  Will people understand or will they laugh it off.  Oh comparison, how you wheedle your way into every scenario and thieve all the joy.


2.  Fear-  We can be scared of the oddest of things, here's a quick list I came up with a few years ago with minimal effort, but a significant one on our lists is fear of the unknown.  When finding your passion, and especially if that passion will require a change of occupation, living, etc. fear of not knowing the end result frequently outweighs the joy that could come from living your passion out.  The unpleasant known is much more comforting than the potentially pleasant unknown.  How confusing our human minds can be.  The passion we want, but the leap to it we can almost not bear.

Corrie Ten Boom speaks directly to this when she challenges us to "never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."

When reading in Jeremiah there is a story where the people of Judah keep trying to escape their land because they are afraid of the new enemy king that has taken it over.  After trying many solutions--running away--on their own with only terrible things happening they come to Jeremiah and say tell us what the Lord wants us to do and where he wants us to.  Whatever it is, we will do it.  After ten days Jeremiah comes back and says stay in the land God has given you and the king will keep you safe, but if you flee to Egypt he will come after you and kill you.  Any guesses where these fools go?  Fear kept them from listening.  The fear that came with trusting a future they did not know overpowered the trust that God always knows.

for more thoughts on fear and tackling it read this

Maya Angelou has a beautiful quote that reads "there is no greater agony then bearing an untold story inside of you."  This meaning does not just pertain to writers, it pertains to us all.  Within each of us is placed a story, whether in the form of words, talent, or gifts.  These passions  demand to be let loose.  Your story is there to be used.  Blocking it out will not cause the flame to be extinguished, it sends that flame deep down into your soul where it will slowly burn until it can no longer be ignored and you have to bring it to light, give it the oxygen needed to grow.  To leave it stuffed, burning in the darkness, is agony.

One of my favorite things is when great wisdom and truth comes out of nowhere from unexpected places.  A always remembered moment will be sitting around my in-laws dining table listening to my husband's grandmother and her friend talk.  I had never met this friend before and had never heard of her before but the story her life contained was one of inspiration and amazement and the best part was how casually she shared it.  The humility that came through from her normal tone and laughter made it all the better to listen to.  Somewhere in the middle of a story she flippantly said, "there is just no better place to be than in the middle of God's will."

It took quite some time to sort through that comment.  But how do I know if it's God's will? was asked over and over.  I have been told before that it is ill-advised to dwell too much on that topic.  Instead just assume that whatever I am doing is God's will because if I wasn't supposed to be doing it I wouldn't be.  It's easy to argue many sides of that.  What it came down to was the feeling of agony and why is it there.  Is there something missing, something that could feel more "right", something else that should be in my life to make this unsettled feeling feel settled.

We all do not have the luxury of having our greatest passions be the way we make our living, but we do all have the ability to make our passions an integral part of our life.  When you succumb to it, when you look and see the gifts you've been given and the passions that have been placed in your heart and work towards integrating them into your time, your actions, your life, all of a sudden that turmoil inside settles.  It doesn't meant a dream life starts, or problems dissipate, or you get to quite your job, though sometimes it can.  Instead you just feel at once that yes, this is what I was created to love, where I was created to show love, and you begin to understand that yes there might just not be a better place than in the middle of His will. 

I don't know your passion, and you might not know it yet either, but I urge you to pray that it will be found, pray to see how you were uniquely created to work and show off His glory in the middle of our world.  I'll be praying for you, pray for me.

Now...

Go and be as the butterfly.  Go unfettered by cares, by the Infernal bondage of the Mortal.  Go with a light heart, trusting God and giving thanks.  Go and gather unto yourselves so you can pour out to others. ~Jan Karon, through Father Tim

for when you dust off your post-summer self

There is a feeling of guilt welling up in me.  It's not a new feeling for any mama or woman in general.  We are experts at this emotion, both feeling it and placing it upon another, but this isn't, for once, a debilitating guilt.  Though it's not the righteous kind, which is the only form that I have been reminded on more than one occasion that is not in fact sinful.  However, it is at least a friendlier sort.  The current guilt comes from leaving you, my friends, in a lurch for the last few months.

As we explored the feelings that come when you are left thinking about a season where life did not quite work out like you expected  and prayed for eyes to see beyond what we on our own are able, next, instead of a charging ahead, came silence.  Well that's not entirely true, because I can assure you the last two and a half months have been anything but silent.

Summer came and with the freedom from stringent schedules, normal alarms, early bedtimes, and regular baths--because swimming definitely counts in the summertime--also comes a lax in regular cleaning chores, nonexistent disciplined days, and very few moments of quiet.  I know you feel me.  It's not often that I pinpoint a certain select group of people that I'm talking to, but mamas, today, it's you.

Something happens to us in the summer, whether we work outside the home full-time, half-time, or are at home always.  Whether we have toddlers, school-aged children, or are welcoming home those from college who will always be our babies.  There is a large chunk of us that we voluntarily set aside and place on the shelf for the summer.

We are skilled in the act of sacrifice, relinquishing much of our own life, for the lives of our children.  Hear me when I say this is not in a sense of martyrdom, but in a sense of loving duty.  We know, all to well, how quickly time slips away, how few summers we will have to guide lives and build memories before they are all but a glimpse in the past.

From the moment we begin showing in our first pregnancies to well past the time they are grown, we are told by strangers, discuss as friends, and notice on our own as we sit staring at the faces of the ones we carried, that time flies much quicker than expected and we desire with all of our hearts to hold on to most moments as long as possible.  Even the hardest moments of the past can bring a heartfelt tear to the eye at times when we gaze upon the growing mature one that we see in front of us now.

Today I say to you all well done, good show, way to go, cheers, you killed it, whether you feel it or not.  We did it, we survived another summer--well us southerners did it, you in most of the country might have a couple weeks to go.

So here's to us, to the moment we notice there is a lack of noise and we begin again to be able to form complete thoughts, to the moment we stand on our tippy toes to reach up and grab that us that we voluntarily set aside for a bit to live and thrive through another of the 18 summers we are given.

For you homeschooling mamas, you are taking your teaching self down off the shelf, polishing her up, and are again taking on many roles past motherhood in the lives of your children.  It's not an easy job to do.

For you working mamas, you are able to fully bring back your professional self off the shelf and are able to engage more into your career with a little heartfelt ease and less distraction knowing that your children have been firmly left in the capable hands you know and trust to come alongside you on the parenting journey.  It's not an easy job to do.

For you stay at home mamas with babies still surrounding you at all times, you can bring down the new you, the one with another year of experience at training them up and figuring out the new personalities and idiosynchrosies that come with a child who also has one more year of life under their belt.  It's not an easy job to do.

For you in the middle mamas, for you transitioners, for the ones I relate to the most, you are in a crossroads of life that will most definitely not play out as you expected no matter what.  You may be starting back to work again after years at home, you may be starting a new job or career, or you may still be sitting and frantically or not so frantically searching, realizing, those next steps.  You are my people, and I know with all my heart, it's not an easy job to do.

For all of us, the self you are taking off the shelf is one of certain mystery, though she still looks the same on the outside from when you placed her up there, you know inside she is not.  She is full anticipation, expectations, a little bit of fear, and a deep-seeded desire of hope that when dusted off and put back fully into the real world of post-summer life you will like the person she becomes and enjoy the walk ahead.

Though fear and doubt seem to follow me around like old friends, I am looking forward to another year with you all. As we see what the future holds I am praying for you ladies, praying for the confidence to tackle the opportunities that await, praying for the newness to slowly change into experience, praying for clear visions and desires to pursue, and most of all praying that your hopes are grounded in Christ as He is the only one who can fulfill and will fulfill through each and every endeavor.  Pray for me.

for when you need to see what lasts

It's May.  You may think I knew this by looking at the calendar, but the truth is I know May as soon as it peaks it's crazy little head around the corner.  All I have to do is look at the state of my disheveled home, the piles of baseball equipment strewn all over the porch, the stack of field trip forms and end of school reminders, the yard tools ever sitting in the open waiting for the next spare minute to dig up weeds and put down beauty, and about a million and a half other things that signal, yes baby, I'm here...again!

Ten'ish short months ago we said goodbye to summer and started this new school journey with a challenge to think about what the time ahead would look like and how God would use it to propel us forward.  Can I be honest with you here?  It looked nothing like I thought it would. 

There has been much frustration, anguish, confusion, depression, and giving up.  Having expectations can be dangerous things in all aspects of life because of the effects when they are not met, but not knowing what to expect can take you to places where only fear and doubt dwell.  

The best thing in these times is prayer for eyes to see beyond what you alone are able. 

"Just because the outcome is not what you wanted, it doesn't necessarily mean you made the wrong choice."  D. Crandall

If you look back on the past ten months and wonder where the time went or how you find yourself where you are without much to show for it, I feel you.  You are not alone. 

A few weeks ago Zach and I went to an estate sale at a beautiful old house in Oxford, our little blip on the map.  For those who know me, you know that that experience is one of my happy places.  I love rescuing the old, giving it new purpose, but there was a sadness that crept over me as I walked amongst this house with all of its treasures left behind and the words of Ecclesiastes came flooding back into my heart.

"God gives a person riches, wealth, and honor so that he lacks nothing of all he desires for himself. but God does not allow him to enjoy them.  Instead, a stranger will enjoy them." Ecc. 6:2

I did not know the people who lived here and I do not know their hearts or how they lived their lives.  I am not saying that they did not find pleasure in the beauty they had collected or that they didn't know where true joy came from.  But what is true is that when they left this earth none of their belongings went with them and while the possessions themselves did last in a physical sense--well some of them, there were plenty of piles of broken items lost in the corners--in a spiritual sense their meaning was lost with the memory of the owner.  A stranger will now enjoy them, this stranger in particular, and impart new memory and have a new pleasure and in the end the cycle will continue.

But in this there is beauty, because as we see the finite of ourselves, we are reminded of the infinite God we have.

Nothing we produce lasts, it just doesn't.  No matter how hard we try to make ourselves known it is futile, but take heart, because there is something that lasts. 

"Everything God does will last forever, there is no adding to it or taking from it.  God works so that people will be in awe of him."  Ecc. 3:14

Everything God does will last forever and guess what one thing is that he did?  He created you.  And not only did He create you, but He uses the Spirit of His Son to work through you, to touch the lives of others, to be the hands and feet of Jesus here on Earth, to, as James says, be doers of the word and make your faith known by your works through action.

It's easy to let what didn't happen cause you to get lost in the disappointments, confusions, and seeming failures.  If you look back on the past ten months and wonder where the time went or how you find yourself where you are without much to show for it, look again, with different eyes.

I have had the honor these last ten months to watch a child grow in maturity in Christ so much he can see the tangible results, watch a friend find a job she is passionate about and bless countless lives in our community, watch a woman cling to Christ at the ending of her marriage and a couple begin a new life together that will bring a father and mother to the life of a son.  I can keep going, and if you look, I bet you can too.

God's promise has not changed.  He promised in the beginning, way back in Genesis 28:15 that behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land.  For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

It's all a vapor.  Let's not focus on the things that do not last, but the One that does, and what He is doing through us, because He is always doing something.

"If you delight in the fact that you are God's, you CANNOT be disappointed in how He's using you." ~Ryan Johnson

Praying you see your place in this Truth today, pray for me.

bible in a year: week 18

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."


Numbers 7-14

I didn't expect Numbers to have so much plot in it.  I expected it to have more, well, more numbers I guess.  I haven't avoided it my whole life exactly, but I have never been too pumped up to read it.  It's sad to think that now.  Not having studied for so long the history of the Kingdom means I have been missing an intense ability to be so thankful for the relative ease of my salvation and the full weight of what Jesus took upon himself starting with the sin of the first generation.

The tabernacle has been erected and the tribes set up each with their own specific job for among Israel.  The Levites become the priests and before their tasks begin the ENTIRE ISRAELITE COMMUNITY (aka millions of people) come together and lay hands upon them.  This is a biblical tradition dear to my heart for the love and support it shows to our brothers and sisters in Christ, physically wrapped in the arms of community while wrapped in words of prayer.

We also see again the way God was continuously with them as a huge cloud or a fire that they daily watched and followed, leaving and staying as commanded, completely dependent, teaching them to be completely dependent.  However, the people, being people, began to complain.  They complained about their food.  I want to be astounded.  I mean, food fell from the sky just for them to eat that was described as "pastry cooked with the finest oil" but instead they grew tired of it and wanted meat.  After everything God had done for them they still found cause for complaint.  You read that and get frustrated, yet it describes so much of me as well.  God then gives them exactly what they wanted and within eating that meat a plague was brought on that killed many.

Then comes more complaining.  First from Miriam that God doesn't speak through them, but only through Moses.  But there is much beauty in here as well.  God and Moses have a beautiful relationship.  Moses is described as the most humble man on earth, which means when he is before God he puts himself beside and listens only to his Father.  When we get out of our own way, setting ourselves, our desires, our plans to the side we see God more clearly than ever.  We see God for who he is and what he is doing and trust him even in the ways we can not see.

One of the saddest stories, in my opinion, came from this week as well.  In Numbers 13-14 after about only a year since their exodus from Egypt.  The Lord tells Moses to send one man from each tribe to scout out the land.  Twelve came back saying how wonderful the land was, exactly as God as described it to be, but only two of them came back confident that they could take the land that had been promised.  Caleb and Joshua tried to spread Faith, knowing that with God they would take possession of their promise, but it wasn't these two that the people listened to.  Instead, they listened to the other ten who spread fear.  It only takes one word to plant doubt in the heart of another.  One small sentence that ends up condemning a generation and keeps them from entering the land God had already picked out for them.


Psalms 42-50

For me, this line of Psalms was very rich.  Going through them one at a time...

42-43 were so rich with feelings that I understand all too well.  Why my soul are you so dejected?  I remember what it feels like to not be that way, but yet to still know you must praise him and still have that desire to praise.  There are times Praise does not come from a place of joy and thankfulness, there are instead times where praise just comes because you know he is still worthy and that he will send his light and truth and the joy will return.

44 contains the idea of a word I learned recently, diaspora.  In order to plant them, you displaced the nations by your hand.  God spreads us.  Over and over in the bible he separates his people using many, often undesirable methods, to send those He loves around in order to make more people aware of him.  They felt in this Psalm what can be known as the Silence of God, where they didn't hear him or feel him but still they have not forgotten him.  We are told many times throughout scripture to be still, to wait on the lord.  He is always working.

46 had two sentences that if I didn't already have three tattoos would be seriously considered.  42:5 says God is within her; she will not be toppled.  God will help her when the morning dawns.  When the Spirit of God is within you you WILL NOT be toppled.  Know he holds you securely and will be there daily to help.

48 Often I forget what forever means.  I forget that forever means forever, I convince myself that forever will run out.  I need as 48:9 suggests to contemplate his faithfulness and remember that the forever he promised is indeed forever and to as it says in Psalm 50:5 to gather to him knowing that (50:15) I can call on him in a day of trouble and he will rescue me.

Song of Songs 5-8

I know I am supposed to look upon Song of Solomon and see beauty and romance and a connection with how Christ loves us his bride, but it's not easy.  After learning that Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines it's hard to believe him when he speaks so lovingly about a woman.  Add that to the bizarre imagery and I was a little lost.  I need to read it again with a different mindset and a different attitude.

Isaiah 1-4

Isaiah was called to prophecy to a people who had lost their way and shifted their focus from where it should have been.  Israel does not know him any longer, they do not understand.  Instead, they are making their own way, doing their own thing.  Being demanded from them is heart felt action.  Stop bringing useless offerings that do not truly come from a repentant heart, instead stop doing evil and love what is good.

I love that I get to read it from the perspective of the 'now' instead of the 'not yet'.  I read this rich words and I see their fulfillment through Jesus, "though your sins are scarlet, they will be white as snow."  They had the promise of the will, I have the surety of the have been.

Chapter 2 of this week was my favorite.  The City of Peace.   ALL nations will stream to Him and he will teach us about his ways so that we may walk in his path.  Thank you that your name is spread throughout the world and we have your Word to teach us!   Then to read "No nation will take up the sword against another and never again is there a need to train for war."  Lord, we anxiously await this day.


Hebrews 5-11

I have read Hebrews several times and each time one of two things happens, either I understand all of it and glean a ton or I understand nothing and am super confused.  It all depends on my mindset at the time as to whether I can follow or not.  Many times I find myself at the end of a chapter and think hold on, how did I get here?  I might be revealing too much of my ignorance right now, but hopefully more people can relate than lose respect ;)

One word that keeps coming to mind the entire book is the word empathy.  Much different than sympathy, empathy provides a comfort of being completely known and understood.  We are gotten, all the parts of our actions and minds and sin filled hearts poured over with that sacrificial blood are gotten, not by man, but by Jesus.  he gets us.  We have THAT kind of high priest who fully understands man and fully understands God.  Again we live in the now instead of the not yet as we rest in the New Covenant.  He is our God and we are His people and never again, NEVER AGAIN, will he remember our sins.

bible in a year: week 16

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."


Leviticus 20-26  

Part of me is glad we are almost through Leviticus, but then Numbers comes next so I don't know how excited I should be getting about moving on.  All of the bible is God breathed so I know this words carry just as much weight and purpose as the praises in Psalms and the encouragement and instruction of Paul's letters, but man, sometimes it's a struggle.  I think the hardest part is coming to terms with why God needed to explicitly say all of these things.  Instructions to not do all of this was because people were doing all of this.  I know I said that last week, but it holds true again. 

Two things struck me this week and saddened my heart while making me rejoice that they were no longer true.  Near the end of chapter 21 The Lord tells Moses to tell Aaron that none of his descendants with a physical defect may come before him.  Anyone in Aaron's line who should be able to be a priest and come into the holy place can not if they are physically disfigured.  He can still eat the holy food, but he is not to desecrate the holy places by going near the curtain or approaching the altar.

I've done a little research and I truly don't completely understand the reasoning behind this.  There was mention of the need to not place a stumbling block between the Israelites and God since the Priest was supposed to be a direct line to God a physical disfigurement could have been a distraction.  Other's talked about medical care.  Then there is also the knowledge that God needs a holy sacrifice, unblemished, perfect.  And he loved us so much that he wanted us to be able to draw near to him which is why he sacrificed His son. 

I know this requirement is no longer true and the the gospel of grace allows all of us, in all our defects, to come before his throne, but the sad part is thinking of how many people have used this passage to attack another, to put down another, to destroy another, to tell another they are not worthy of God's love.  God let us see your words and the intended Truth they are to bring!

The second section that brought much thought and then rejoicing was in Chapter 24.  For generations it was an eye for an eye, a life for a life.  Retaliation.  There must be punishment for action and that punishment was to do whatever had been done.  Jesus immediately made this disappear.  Turn the other cheek he said. 

I never understood how completely foreign that concept was at the time.  After generations and generations of being able to retaliate, Jesus told them instead to forgive, there was no longer a need to even the score, because he was going to pay the ultimate price to do so for eternity.  It's a completely beautiful change, brought on by the Grace of God, but oh man, that could not have been an easy eternal shift for everyone.  Some would embrace that, knowing that they had just been pardoned so much, but others, who couldn't see their own wrong doings would become angry because the Justice they so wanted to dish out was not longer their 'right.'  I have been on both sides of that line, it's a hard one, but a needed one to process through.

Psalm 25-33

*NO one who waits for you will be disgraced
*Make your ways known to me, teach me your paths, guide me in your truth and teach me for YOU are the God of my salvation.
*I wait for YOU all day long
*You are my light and my salvation
*Seek his face
*I am CERTAIN I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living.
*Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart be courageous.  Wait for the Lord.
*My heart trusts in Him and I am helped
*The Lord is the strength of His people
*Save, Bless, Shepherd, Carry
*You make me stand like a strong mountain
*Into your hand I entrust my spirit;  you have redeemed me.
*You have set my feet in a spacious place

Him not David,  Him not me, Him not us.  Over and over again in the Psalms David praises allowed reminding himself that it is all God.  He is the only Hope.  He is the one who has done, is doing, and will do. 

We wait for the Lord he is our help and shield.  For our hearts rejoice in him because we trust in his holy name.  May your faithful love rest on us, Lord, for we put our hope in you.

Ecclesiastes 3-9

God is a mystery.  We can know him but we will never understand why he does what he does sometimes.  His ways are bigger, His thoughts are higher, His timing is perfect.  This is often frustrating but more often a comfort.  I don't have to figure it all out.  I just have to rest and know that (3:14) everything God does will last forever, there is no adding to it or taking from it.  God works so that people will be in awe of him.


1 Timothy 5-6

I want a Paul who writes to me such encouragement and advice.  Chapter 6 is a big hearty, you can do this!  God is with you!  No matter what others do hold strong to what you know to be true!  He is the only thing worth setting your Hope on.

2 Timothy 1-4

Do we know if Timothy ever made it to see Paul before he was martyred?  I hope so.  I hope they were able to embrace a last time and that words were able to be spoken in person instead of just through a letter, but I am so very thankful for this letter. 

The word of God is not bound.  That is what Paul wrote, what God breathed.  It's not bound.  It reigns free flowing and is profitable for all.  We must use it wisely, for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training.  This can be done without love and cause tremendous damage or it can be done through the love of Christ and cause eternal joy.  4:2 says to do it with "great patience and teaching"  which is another way to say without anger and frustration to prove someone is wrong. 

God speaks through our patience and gentleness, that is how we help others draw near to God.