for when you dust off your post-summer self

There is a feeling of guilt welling up in me.  It's not a new feeling for any mama or woman in general.  We are experts at this emotion, both feeling it and placing it upon another, but this isn't, for once, a debilitating guilt.  Though it's not the righteous kind, which is the only form that I have been reminded on more than one occasion that is not in fact sinful.  However, it is at least a friendlier sort.  The current guilt comes from leaving you, my friends, in a lurch for the last few months.

As we explored the feelings that come when you are left thinking about a season where life did not quite work out like you expected  and prayed for eyes to see beyond what we on our own are able, next, instead of a charging ahead, came silence.  Well that's not entirely true, because I can assure you the last two and a half months have been anything but silent.

Summer came and with the freedom from stringent schedules, normal alarms, early bedtimes, and regular baths--because swimming definitely counts in the summertime--also comes a lax in regular cleaning chores, nonexistent disciplined days, and very few moments of quiet.  I know you feel me.  It's not often that I pinpoint a certain select group of people that I'm talking to, but mamas, today, it's you.

Something happens to us in the summer, whether we work outside the home full-time, half-time, or are at home always.  Whether we have toddlers, school-aged children, or are welcoming home those from college who will always be our babies.  There is a large chunk of us that we voluntarily set aside and place on the shelf for the summer.

We are skilled in the act of sacrifice, relinquishing much of our own life, for the lives of our children.  Hear me when I say this is not in a sense of martyrdom, but in a sense of loving duty.  We know, all to well, how quickly time slips away, how few summers we will have to guide lives and build memories before they are all but a glimpse in the past.

From the moment we begin showing in our first pregnancies to well past the time they are grown, we are told by strangers, discuss as friends, and notice on our own as we sit staring at the faces of the ones we carried, that time flies much quicker than expected and we desire with all of our hearts to hold on to most moments as long as possible.  Even the hardest moments of the past can bring a heartfelt tear to the eye at times when we gaze upon the growing mature one that we see in front of us now.

Today I say to you all well done, good show, way to go, cheers, you killed it, whether you feel it or not.  We did it, we survived another summer--well us southerners did it, you in most of the country might have a couple weeks to go.

So here's to us, to the moment we notice there is a lack of noise and we begin again to be able to form complete thoughts, to the moment we stand on our tippy toes to reach up and grab that us that we voluntarily set aside for a bit to live and thrive through another of the 18 summers we are given.

For you homeschooling mamas, you are taking your teaching self down off the shelf, polishing her up, and are again taking on many roles past motherhood in the lives of your children.  It's not an easy job to do.

For you working mamas, you are able to fully bring back your professional self off the shelf and are able to engage more into your career with a little heartfelt ease and less distraction knowing that your children have been firmly left in the capable hands you know and trust to come alongside you on the parenting journey.  It's not an easy job to do.

For you stay at home mamas with babies still surrounding you at all times, you can bring down the new you, the one with another year of experience at training them up and figuring out the new personalities and idiosynchrosies that come with a child who also has one more year of life under their belt.  It's not an easy job to do.

For you in the middle mamas, for you transitioners, for the ones I relate to the most, you are in a crossroads of life that will most definitely not play out as you expected no matter what.  You may be starting back to work again after years at home, you may be starting a new job or career, or you may still be sitting and frantically or not so frantically searching, realizing, those next steps.  You are my people, and I know with all my heart, it's not an easy job to do.

For all of us, the self you are taking off the shelf is one of certain mystery, though she still looks the same on the outside from when you placed her up there, you know inside she is not.  She is full anticipation, expectations, a little bit of fear, and a deep-seeded desire of hope that when dusted off and put back fully into the real world of post-summer life you will like the person she becomes and enjoy the walk ahead.

Though fear and doubt seem to follow me around like old friends, I am looking forward to another year with you all. As we see what the future holds I am praying for you ladies, praying for the confidence to tackle the opportunities that await, praying for the newness to slowly change into experience, praying for clear visions and desires to pursue, and most of all praying that your hopes are grounded in Christ as He is the only one who can fulfill and will fulfill through each and every endeavor.  Pray for me.