Each of our three boys learned to ride their bikes in very different fashions, ones that honestly matched their overall personalities. Our oldest learned gradually, methodically moving from one step to the other until he finally stopped freaking out enough to realize he was really riding on his own. The video of the first ride is priceless! Our middle just decided one day that that was the day he was going for it and then pretty much jumped on the bike with minimal help and took off as if he'd practiced the event so often in his head that he didn't need practice in the physical world. Oh to have his confidence and determination. Our youngest, oh that baby, rocked his first time on two wheels. I was inside cleaning the kitchen when he came and told me he wanted to try his two wheeler. Not even bothering to put on shoes, because this boy had cried wolf before, I very shortly found myself running barefoot down the street with our oldest videoing his first epic ride. However the day after that first ride, and for many more, he claimed he didn't know how to do it anymore and wouldn't even try. It wasn't until his neighbor friend came over on two wheels and upon seeing "the competition" yelled "Daddy get my bike." Since then it has still been an up and down experience because, bless his diva heart, if the conditions are not PERFECT buckle up for a patience draining trip around the block.
When through our past sufferings God bent me towards a desire to write and share, I at first took it as a yes to feeling confident in Christ to share the things placed upon my heart without fearing my lack of theological prowess and coming across as not reformed enough, or not loving and open enough, or maybe even seeming completely heretical. As time has gone by I also have seen it as a confidence in sharing my short comings, the ways I am still very much being worked on as my Inner Dispostions are being changed. Even again this past weekend as we were sharing with an elder at the church we are going to be joining, that pesky theme of self-righteousness reared it's ugly head again as I was sharing my faith story. It is what Satan uses to derail me and what God uses to continually draw me to Him.
If given my wish, my bike metaphor for faith would be God give me a push so I can ride on my own from here. Amen again and again that he doesn't leave me on my own. I wouldn't want to see the massive crash that would happen.
When thinking of the verse from Philippians 2 that talks about working out your salvation with fear and trembling it was never the fear and trembling part I had a problem with odd since that word fear usually is in my top five of describing myself. While I am thankful that as a teenager I learned in this scenario that fear is just a deep respect and trembling is just coming in humility. the problem I have always had is with the working part. What God always calls working I seem to translate as earning instead.
Faith is a walk, a working out, a struggle between flesh and spirit. It is not perfect, but within it we are being perfected. Looking back over the years there are three distinct stages of growing in faith that have emerged. As time continues and "knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us (Rom. 5:3-5)" more knowledge will transform into wisdom and the stages of growth will expand. That is His promise until the work in us is completed.
For now, here are the three stages that have been walked through in my life and I pray my story disappears in your thoughts and yours comes forward and you will either see yourself in one of these or be able to discern your own, not to become discouraged at your lack, but to feel power in your weakness and hope in the growth that is promised.
Stage 1- Passive Faith
For reasons that would require an extensive explanation of my background that will not be shared here but will delightedly be shared with you personally over a cup of tea should you ask, there was a very long period of time where a passive view on faith led my life. While there have always been hints of self-righteous earning and the desire to be good and do good in hopes that that would up my status, the majority of my life was spent thinking that faith was just something that happened to you as in God gave us each a measure of faith and we were kind of stuck with how much we got. Thinking no matter what I did either way would make a difference I became equally content and discontent.
Stage 2- Aggressive Faith
In my late 20s after a sermon series on the spiritual disciplines my spiritual life changed dramatically. Eyes were opened to Truths and Promises that were never quite understood and there before me in lists and notes were ways and things I could do to grow. Read, Meditate on the Word, Pray, Watch, Fast, Worship, Memorize...all actions. All tangibles that sent me from being a spectator to jumping in and participating. It was a time of amazing growth and learning and prepared my heart for the trials that would come just a few short years later. While this remains one of the most memorable times of being drawn close, in the background self-righteousness was growing as well. Creeping in on was a thought in my head that now that I've started I have to keep going. I have to work hard to continue to grow and learn. Subconsciously the gift of a new found and growing faith was taken over and thankfulness began shifting into triumph.
Stage 3- Active Participation
There are times in life where God will break you down just so He can rebuild you. So that He can rebuild you because you have been doing your level best to build yourself. He does not need us to fulfill His plans. As hard as that is to hear, it's true. We are not powerful enough to destroy His plans and we are not Holy enough to fulfill them. However, we are loved enough to be asked to participate in His Kingdom for our own benefit, for the encouragement to others, and for His ultimate Glory. We are asked to participate through the disciplines, through acting out our spiritual gifts, through practicing the fruit of the spirit. We are asked to participate so that we get a front row seat to seeing Him work, and love, and grow, and build, and disciple, and rescue. We get a front row seat to the fulfilling of His promises so that we will learn to see His hand in every minute detail of life so that, instead of trying to go it alone, we burrow deeper into the shadow of His wing knowing that is the only place to be.
I wish I could say I am fully entrenched into the Active Participation stage that I rejoice in the gift of Faith given and the way in which it increases only through Christ, but the world being the broken world it is, I crawl away at times and lie and wait for things to happen or try again to ride on my own with nothing but a push. Then again He reels me in and loves me anyway.
Today I pray for you words from John Piper, "Lord, thank you for our faith. Sustain it. Strengthen it. Deepen it. Don't let it fail. Make it the power of our lives, so that in everything we do you get the glory as the Great Giver. Pray for me.
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