gentle, a new word for a new year

It has been five months since we said goodbye to summer and embarked on a journey to make the most of the ten months of the school year.  There have been reminders that He is the simple answer we need in every situation, that He is who gifted us time and knows us fully, therefore can help us be content in what He has called us to do.

Together we have learned that small things are big, we all need new perspective, ways of loving our neighbor, God is worth repeating, there are stages in our growth, that fear does not own us, and that we have misguided thoughts of perfection.

Now, here, as we are halfway through, we find ourselves at the beginning of a new calendar year.  A time to take stock of a year that has passed and a new one that is coming.  There are successes and failures during this first half like during anything else, but above it all is a hand guiding and teaching and in the mirror a person who is not the same, proof of the promise that there is renewal day by day.

Each new year there is a challenge to find a new word, phrase, or idea to ponder upon and grow in.  For a few months I thought I had it nailed.  I have alluded to things I have not yet finished that God has asked of me and just "knew" that Finish was my word of 2018.  However there was the thought, are we ever truly finished this side of heaven?  Besides the fact that I do not have a desire to be "finished" this year in that respect if you catch my drift, when those tasks are completed, and even if they aren't, He will ask different things, new things, that will then need to be finished.  No, finish is not it.

Then thoughts drifted back to something read in the middle of the summer that never quiet left the forefront of my mind.  A word I aspire to be but long ago in my vast wisdom-ha!-deemed it impossible.  Let me explain...

In Elementary school, I called one of my best friends and her dad answered, as she was coming to the phone and asked who it was He responded, "I don't know.  I think it's some boy."  I didn't have the right voice.

In Seventh grade, my first year of junior high, an announcement was made that cheerleading tryouts were coming up.  Now, anyone who thought they knew me would never have assumed I would be interested, but oh my how my heart longed to just try.  There was a desire to be set apart, special, and every girl knew that a cheerleader was about as special as you could get--oh the many things I would love to go back and tell that girl!  Two things stopped me from trying out.  Number 1 when I stomped and clapped like cheerleaders do my thighs jiggled which obviously in my junior high head no one else's did.  And Number 2, I didn't have the right voice.

A large portion of my memorable lifetime has been spent envying my soft spoken friends and their beautifully, quiet, sing-song voices who did not just blurt things out at random times.  A large portion of my memorable lifetime has been spent trying to emulate those tones and qualities and an equally large portion has been spent distrusting the sincerity of people with those voices because if I could not be myself talking that way, they must not be being themselves either.

Somewhere in the journey to find my own truth I came to believe that I could not have a gentle spirit because my literal tone of voice was not gentle enough.  Instead of asking my Creator to develop a quality of character within me, I attempted to change myself and then instead of accepting failure deemed myself incapable.  God is the only one who has the power to change us and He is everything but incapable.

Fast forward to the summer of 2017, 35 1/2 years of living on this earth had passed, and these words from Paul David Tripp were read, "Treating a person with gentleness makes him or her want to move near you.  Responding with gentleness teaches another person that he or she is safe in your care.  It is an essential relational bond." 

Maybe it is odd that the thought of a stray animal came to mind before any other but the brain goes where it goes at times.  Trying to rescue a scared creature might require a somewhat softer tone but much more than that is required a gentle, patient disposition where trust is formed producing a desire to come near.  Too quick of a movement and you can scare them away.  Too short of a wait and you will show them there was not much care to begin with.

This was my desire.  The desire was to instill trust, a desire to be near, a feeling of safety and acceptance. My greatest desire for my relationship with my husband and bond with my boys who are growing rapidly past the young child care taking stage into the emotional and spiritual guiding stage was for them to feel safe with me whether just enjoying time in each other's presence or deep in life giving conversation.  Accomplishing this with just a voice was not going to work, it needed to be shown in action.

Therefore, Gentle is my word for 2018.

1 Peter 3:4 says, "Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  Another translation which just my have one of my favorite phrases in it says, "but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God's sight."

Earlier in life I had misapplied out of the heart the mouth speaks to my tonal quality instead of the words being spoken.  And yes while the sound of your voice makes a huge difference and as a mama something I can struggle incessantly with during times of frustration, it is my words that can give life or take it away.  My mouth will speak the words that are in my heart and if my heart is full of the life giving words God gives the sound, sing-songy or not, will not matter as much.

As the word Gentle becomes a daily thought it will take different forms. 

First will having a literal gentle disposition that will draw others near and having a quiet spirit which comes from being at peace because of Christ and NOT from having a quiet voice.  She's learning folks! 

There will also be a gentleness with myself, grace before judgement which I tend to give to others freely and keep locked away when it comes to my own life, decisions, and mistakes. 

Lastly, there will be striving for a gentle approach.  A new friend commented about gentling herself into the new year, lowering expectations.  Loving this thought more would be impossible.  Expectations kill relationship with ourselves, our family, and our Heavenly Father.  The hurts that have been caused and the arguments that have ensued over unmet expectation is immeasurable.  Gentling, or easing, into conversation instead of conflict is worth practicing and (im)perfecting.

Clean slates, blank pages, an entire calendar before us of things that are not yet known.  It is scary to think about if you assume yourself alone, but to remember that each day has been preplanned for eternity to continually create you to be you is astounding.  Not each day will hold what we deem as good, but our eyes see so little of the story, of both our own stories and the ones of those around us.  The eyes that hold us each as an apple, the eyes that look down and know how we each relate to one another in the larger story of the Kingdom of God will never cease to show us that He is Good and He makes Good for us out of anything.

In this year, whether you choose your own word or not, make sure God is your source of sturdy joy, the thing you are living for, and the reason you do everything you do.

I will be praying for you in this, pray for me.