When asked a question or confronted with a topic, it takes awhile for me to process an answer, to think of exactly what I want to say, which means whatever the conversation 'was' usually turns into 'had been' as the others kept rolling, immediately knowing the best thing to say to keep the topics and thoughts whizzing by my own. Because of this, I spent years thinking that my words were not important, that I did not have anything productive to add to the conversation.
While silence can be deafening, remaining silent can also make you feel deaf, make you feel out of the loop, make you feel inconsequential. When you spend your life assuming you have nothing to say, you forget how to speak up even if you do have words that need to come out.
But words are not to be tread lightly. Words harm and words heal. The phrase "if you do not have anything nice to say then do not say anything at all" is well shared among the southern states. It is also well known that if you are told hundreds of wonderful, positive things about yourself and then told one negative, it is the negative that will stay with you the longest. It is for these reasons that we are told in Ephesians to be kind to one another and to let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth but only what is good for building others up...so that it gives grace to those who hear it.
Our lives revolve around communication. Even in the most isolated places on earth there is language, the ability to speak and respond in some manner so that community can work together, rejoice together, disagree with one another, and warn each other of danger. However, unless you are under the age of 4, one cannot just go around saying aloud every thought that comes through the mind. Honestly, the under 4 category probably should not do that either, but so far I have yet to find someone with the skill to enable that filter.
Filters are valuable. They strain out impurities so that what you are taking in holds only that which is good for you. In the world this may be referred to as your conscience. Good 'ol Jiminy Cricket sang a very catchy tune about letting your conscience be your guide, listening to the inner voice telling you what is right and wrong. In Christianity, we believe this is the Holy Spirit. What Jesus left with his children here on earth living inside us and guiding us in our filter. Through it, with knowledge of the Word, filters our words actions, and thoughts, sifting out impurities and changing them to be more like Christ. A point worth mentioning however is that whether we follow the Holy Spirit's leading each time or not, we are still loved and forgiven and never left alone.
I know no one who does not have regret over something they said that they wish they could take back, but it is not the words that you have said that I want to talk to you about, it is the ones that you have not said, the ones that you are holding onto inside.
When Maya Angelou said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you," it does not just refer to someone who desires to be an author, it is for all of us as we are each living out a story We said that each life is a story written by the Greatest Author, meticulously planning and allowing experiences that will mold and shape us to become what He has designed us to be at story's end. But within this life of beauty and despair, joy mixed with sorrow, refining and rebuilding that needs to be done, we often want to pull away when the process gets difficult.
While much concentration is done to learn to filter our words and only let out what is helpful to others, there is an equal amount of concentration by us to hold our words inside because of what others may think, or what consequences may come.
I held my words in for too long. I let fear of what could come and doubt of what might have been happening keep me from speaking up, keep me from letting out those questions and answers that I know the Spirit was filling up my heart with. I have no doubt that what happened in my marriage's past was in no way my fault, but I do know that had I spoken those words out loud long before something would have changed sooner.
I would be willing to bed there is one thing that even right now you are keeping inside, afraid to say out loud because of how it might come across, how it will sound, how it makes you sound, because it may be wrong, or because of what another might think as soon as you finish the sentence.
Friend, if you are scared to say something, that is usually a good sign that you need to say it!
Words can eat at you if you leave them hidden, causing the agony Ms. Angelou so eloquently spoke of. But worse, leaving those words in the darkness, away from the Light, where they can be twisted so violently that you begin to believe the lies instead of allowing in Truth.
I will forever be grateful for the friend who spoke up for me when I was refusing to speak for myself. I will forever love her regardless, but I will forever love her as well for her courage in living out Proverbs 31:8 and speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves. THere are many things that cause someone to remain silent. There are times when those people are given courage to speak up and there are times when God tells us to speak up for them because for whatever reason, in their present life, they cannot form the words.
I have developed a simple two step process for speaking up. The first step is to find someone to say your words to, the second step is to say them out loud.
Lucky for you, there are two people with you all the time that you can speak to. One is yourself, the other is God. Yes, having a bosom friend or spouse who will listen and love you no matter what you say is a pearl above price, but please do not think you need to drive anywhere, wait for your next girls' night/biblestudy/community group/workout/counseling session or wherever else you might have conversation. The first priority is not to have your words heard, it is to get them out and give them a voice.
Next, say them out loud. Quite often this one small but not so small action is the only thing needed to bring healing and relief to your soul. It takes courage to speak out the things you have hidden and as soon as the words have left your lips there can be peace and understanding that what you have feared so much to say may not be scary after all. This one action is an act of faith and that act is rewarded with a precious peace that passes all understanding.
Everything we say out loud that is bottled up will not be right. We have hearts full of sin and our thoughts will be skewed, our opinions unjustified, our words will be full of envy, or unforgiveness, or doubt. Even if more steps need to be taken to process through whatever the words reveal, they will be out, confessed, given a voice, and brought into the light and THAT is when healing can begin, when perspective is given, when wisdom is gained and when our inner dispositions being to change.
You may say hard things, you may hear hard things, but He is faithful and just says 1 John 1:9. He will cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
I pray that you will give all the parts of your story a voice so He can do just that, pray for me.
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