because I want them to be kind and helpful

The church we are slowly becoming more than the "new guys" in, even though I quite often still feel very new, puts out a parent newsletter each month and included in it is a thought from one of the parents about, wait for it, parenting.  Yeah, that wasn't much of a twist.  Short story shorter, I was asked to contribute and because of that, I am sharing the same with you.

Honestly though, this is not an out of the box idea for our space together.  Within the theme of changing your inner dispositions and being renewed day by day, parenting fits in perfectly.

  

Disclaimer:  I am far from the perfect parent.  Recently I saw a t-shirt that said "to be honest, I'm just winging it.  life, motherhood, my eyeliner, everything."  It's scary how true that feels at times.  There are days where I feel so downright inadequate that I question why God placed these three handsome boys in my possession and has asked us to be open to the possibility of bringing another into our home.  Clearly, to me at least, someone else would be able to care for their lives and hearts much better than myself and my husband.  I cling to the verse in 1 Peter 4:8 that says Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  Please Lord let my love for them, the love you have instilled within me, be enough to cover by screw ups

Being the perfect parent is impossible.  I laughed out loud when I read this quote from Holly Sprink, "As those of you with children know, rational parenting is like the Loch Ness Monster.  We all hope it's out there somewhere, but we don't know anyone who has actually discovered it (and if we do come across someone who claims to have found it, deep down we think that person is a little off.)"

Besides marriage, parenting is the number thing that forces you to see your own imperfections, your own straight up sin, and therefore see your constant need for changed dispositions living within your heart.  As Sue Detweiler said, "Moms are not perfect--we are being perfected"  That goes for you as well dads!  My children are the constant vehicle God uses to achieve much of my redeeming.  It is a common occurrence that I will suddenly stop during the correction of my own children as the Spirit reveals how much I need the very words I am sharing for their benefit.

We begin our parenting careers with lots of expectations and goals.  If you are alive on this earth it is because you yourself were born and have been parented, whether it was by your natural parents or not, and because of that, probably created two subconscious lists.  The first being the ways you want to parent exactly how your parents did and the second being the ways you want to parent the exact opposite of how your parents did.  Add those methods to the ones we glean from simply watching those around us, the books we read, and the mentors, we have, and in our back pockets we think we have all the secrets.

One of my favorite quotes is from a book written by Ray Blackstone, "We spend vast amounts of time and energy crafting a thesis in our heads of how life should play out then almighty God spends an incredibly brief amount of time blowing our thesis to bits."  And my boys are the cannonballs.

If there was one thing I learned early in parenting, and learned the hard way, it was that I wasn't going to be able to force my will, every one of my perfect parenting desires, on my own children and the lesson came because of a pair of flip flops.  At age three our oldest son owned two pairs of flip flops, one pair was red and the other was blue.  He, in all his little boyness, was determined to wear one of each, on the wrong feet, everywhere we went because he liked both colors and couldn't choose.  I in all my 'people are going to think I'm a terrible parent because my child doesn't match and has his shoes on the wrong feet" pridefulness was determined he was not going to do that.  I can not remember the number of times this battle took place, but I do remember that besides my child finally obeying and therefore me "winning," it did nothing to develop our relationship.

Yes, there are hard battles that must be fought as a parent to help your children trust and obey you and to grow and learn as a human, but y'all, flip flops is not one of them.  And I would argue there are a whole lot more that are not as well.  You can't die on every hill, it will leave you and your babies exhausted and with plenty of relational wreckage.

I am convinced it was God's gift of Grace that those lessons came so early, because from that time on my heart for parenting began drifting another way, though is still very much in process.  Instead of a focus on what we did not want them to do, it shifted more towards what DID we want them to do?  Yes, at the very deepest root we want them to know they were created uniquely and very much on purpose by an all knowing all loving God, that He gave them Jesus as their Savior, and then that savior left His Spirit on earth to indwell in them as a guide through life.  But there are countless outlets in which to be the body of Christ and many character qualities that those members of the body portray.  Which did we want to instill?

Prayer, search, experience, and discussion led to Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Kindness, helpfulness. paying attention so that you can build up others in regards to the specific needs, being an example and benefit to any and everyone listening.  Yes to all of that.

We not have two main words we filter much of our parenting through, Kind and Helpful.  These two words come up in our encouragement of them, in our correction of them, and though there are occasional eye rolls when they have to repeat the two words in discussion with us, it is beginning to be etched on their hearts as it comes out in their own self correction as they notice that the words and actions they are doing are not kind towards another or helpful to another.

We as believers want to be known by our love, are told in scripture that "we will be known as His disciples by our love."  As parents we want our boys to learn to love by "counting others more significant than themselves,"  To be of kind service and helpful words, kind words and helpful service.

These are not the only character qualities beneficial to the Kingdom, nor are they the only ones we discuss in our home, but they are what fits best with our family right now, in the places God has placed us, and are subject to change as God changes us.

Now, I encourage you, to see what character you are already leading your children, or yourself in if God has seen fit to bless you in other ways.  Or if there is not any that already come to mind, gather together as a family, or first go to the Lord alone, to pray and see in what ways you are being led to benefit the Kingdom here on earth.  Is it through Strength in times of trouble, is it with Courage to step out into the unknowns, is it to be Gentle in the midst of harsh surroundings?

I pray for you today as you ask, seek, knock, and find not only the ways your inner dispositions need to change in parenting, but that newness will be revealed as God continues His redemptive work, pray for me.

bible in a year: week 4

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."

Genesis 23-29

The story of Abraham and Sarah comes to an end and the next generations carry on with the promise of Abraham as it's called being given down to them, first to Isaac, and then to Jacob.  Isaac's story is almost identical to his father's as he is given the same promise, deceives Abimelech just as his father did, and eventually makes an accord with him.  But then comes the end of Isaac's life and deception between brothers.  Esau loses his blessing when Jacob and his mother plan to deceive Isaac leaving Esau with no blessing, little inheritance comparatively, and a heart full of anger towards his brother.  

It's hard not to feel sympathy towards Esau.  It seems as if he could do nothing right.  He picked the wrong wives, worked hard to hunt for his father and make him a meal he loved only to come back and see that someone else had beaten him to it, and then trying to please his father by marrying a woman he thought he'd approve of.  I want redemption for Esau.  I want Jacob to see the pain he's caused.  And later, that happens, but for now we are left confused a little bit because we don't understand how this is fair?  But then we remember that fairness does not have much to do with it.  As we also see in the readings in Matthew, lots about the story of Christ is anything but fair.  It's not about us proving ourselves and getting rewarded because we got it right.  It's all about God working through us, in our sin and deception, and making Himself known so that the glory is always His and never because of what we have done.

But even with that knowledge, parts of us still get excited when the first thing that happens to Jacob when he wants a wife, is deception against him.  Eh, we're human after all ;-)

Matthew 22-28

Lies and deception were a big theme this week and they were all over Matthew.  The Jewish leaders just straight making stuff up to destroy Jesus and hopefully destroy His message from spreading.  Pilate even knows it's a bunch of crap and washes his hands of the situation.  If we're talking about fairness, the story of the crucifixion is the epitome of unfair.  In less than a day he's arrested, tried, condemned, and crucified for literally NO reason.  

And here's why, there needed to be NO reason.  It needed to be completely unfair because our salvation is unfair too, praise be to God.  Mercy and Grace.  Not getting what we deserve (eternal punishment) and getting what we don't deserve (eternal life in heaven) because of Christ.

Nehemiah 12-13

We left Nehemiah with a crowd eager for the word of God and making vows.  The last thing the people vowed was to not neglect the house of God.  Now here we are just a few years later and Nehemiah (their leader) has returned to his service with the King.  And now Nehemiah hears of what has happened in his absence like the sabbath not being recognized, workers for the temple not being paid appropriately which causes them to leave, and storerooms being used to house friends and family.  Some of his first words when he returns are why have you neglected the house of God.  In his absence, they lost their way, and with it they lost their view of God.  Over and over and over again we are going to see the people of the Old Testament fall away and repent, fall away and repent.  It is an interesting comparison in this case and in many others that it's when the person they looked to for leadership needs to leave for a bit.  Without a leader we are lost.  Without someone to point us to God, we will not go there ourselves.  Enter the need for Christ.

Acts 22-28

So Paul's life and story is getting intense!!  He's back in Jerusalem and is speaking to an angry mob, and what is he saying, his testimony.  The first time of many in these last chapters of Acts.  They listened intently until he mentioned his words being for the Gentiles as well and then all hell breaks loose.  The anger they feel when their beliefs are challenged and are subject to change is frightening.  The only thing that saves him is the Romans when he tells them he is a citizen of Rome and the fight he starts between the Sanhedrin and the Pharisees.  Under Roman protection he is taken to Caesarea and deception rules again as the priests flat out lie about him in testimony.  Again Paul's defense is his testimony, the only defense any of us truly have against the only One whose judgement matters.  For two years Paul is left in prison awaiting judgement and for two years he speaks to others in leadership about the gospel.  Then having appealed to Caesar he placed before another King and again defends himself with his testimony.  Another power leader in Rome is hearing the gospel!  Now he sails for Rome under Roman guards and they shipwreck after not heading Paul's advice.  He comforts them and guarantees their safety and they wreck on Malta where he preaches and heals and gains favor with the people who help them all on their way.  I wish I could hear what those Centurions were thinking and feeling as they watched Paul minister!  Finally they make it to Rome and still prisoner in a way he is allowed to live in a home for another two years welcoming visitors who have made appointments with him to hear more of the gospel without hindrance from anyone.

Steadfast comes to mind with thinking about Paul.  God was steadfast in his life by protecting him and giving him opportunity after opportunity to spread the gospel.  Paul was steadfast in that he used every opportunity God gave him to spread the gospel.  He saw each hardship as another avenue for Christ to be spoken of, with all boldness and without hindrance.

January is almost over and so far we have finished four books of the bible and are almost done with two others.  After typing up two of these summaries today I got first hand experience with the difficulty of getting behind.  At one point I began not even caring what I had read or what I was going to write about it because my brain was tired and couldn't focus.  A break helped rest my thoughts and give me new desire to finish it out anyway.  Hoping that it is beneficial to someone other than me.

Reading and writing plans are a lot like laundry, manageable if you stay on top of them, but pile up quickly if you don't.  I know it's hard and if you have gotten behind already, which we know is easy to do, quitting is very tempting.  I hope you don't.  Tomorrow is a new day with new passages.  Let's start fresh together!

bible in a year: week 3

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."

Yes, this is week 4 of our year, but week 3 brought the first real snow to Oxford in the last four years along with two extra days because of ice so, while reading happened, summarization did not!  But late than never though, and since that this desire of ours was started knowing our imperfections, then it's a good example to have!

Genesis 16-22

In these 7 chapters, we see Sarai try to create God's promise on her own, cities being destroyed, Sarah become pregnant and give birth to Isaac, Ishmael be forced to leave his family, and Isaac almost become sacrificed to God.  11 long years had passed since God promised countless offspring to Abraham.  While that's a blink to our creator, for Sarai, it must have inched by painstakingly slow.  I often wish that God would just tell me exactly what was going to happen in my life and that it would make me more patient.  This story is an example of the opposite being true.  Sarai tried to create the promise on her own, and caused a lot of heartbreak for herself and another in the process.  Hagar, after having run away is seen by God and given comfort and promise.  She names the Lord El-roi, the God who sees me.  I am in love with the name for Him.  He Sees Me.  In my deepest affliction, when I think I am unknown and invisible, He, the creator of the entire world, sees me.  

The most significant thing I have learned so far during this challenge happened within these chapters because of the stories of Lot.  Lot was going to hand over his virgin daughters over to an angry mob to do with what they will.  Then later, after they had escaped the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, his daughters became fearful that they would never marry and bear children so two nights in a row they got their father drunk, and took turns sleeping with him so that they could conceive.  I was more than a little shocked out how messed up this was.  Why on earth was that story in the bible.  It took a little bit before I realized, why wouldn't it be in the bible?  We are not reading a book of perfect people, but of straight up evil sinners that God, in his mercy, looked upon with compassion.  If I was to write down my full story as well as the ones in my family, you would see a bunch of "messed up" stuff.  He has done for me time and time again just what he did for Lot.  Because of his compassion for me, he brought me out.

Matthew 15-21

Matthew continues to be an overwhelming read.  Not because of the difficulty, but because of the sheer volume of information.  Jesus' ministry was jam packed and keeping up with the amount of work and stories is challenging.  No wonder there are four gospels, no wonder at the end of John he finally just gives up and says "you know what he did a lot more things but fitting them all in a book is impossible."

So the short story for this week was Jesus making the pharisees mad (again), the faith of a mother healing her child, feeding 4,000 (after he just fed 5,000), Peter understanding Jesus was the messiah, the first prediction of Jesus' death, the transfiguration, another prediction of his death, parables, how to confront your brother in an argument, thoughts on divorce, thoughts on possessions, more parables, His entry into Jerusalem, the cleansing of the temple, and a few more parables.

Thousands upon thousands of sermons have been preached on just one of these topics, summarizing them in a brief paragraph is not going to happen.  So instead I'm sharing the biggest new things that made an impact on my heart.

1)  There is a needed perspective given in Matthew 16:24-28.  It's easy to get lost in what we think is important, but bottom line, whoever wants to save his life will lose it (by living for themselves) and whoever loses his life (by giving it over to the Lord) will find it.  There is one filter we need to sieve life through, and when we do our life will always be found.

2)  If your brother sins against you go and rebuke him IN PRIVATE says 18:15.  We love a stage to lay our our grievances and we love an audience cheering us on so that we feel validated, but in the process we destroy relationship with others and we destroy the ability for Jesus to be seen in our actions.  

3)  Be a servant.  Jesus came to serve, not to be elevated and lord over us as the tyrants do  He came to serve.  To follow him, we must serve as well.

Nehemiah 5-11

Even without the attacks and plans of their enemies, the wall was completed in fifty-two days and then began a period of exiles returning to Jerusalem. public readings of the law where the people cried out in joy and excitement and celebrated as the words were read and they understood what the words meant.  In great celebration and repentance of past history against God they vowed their faithfulness to Him and to not neglect His house and resettled Jerusalem.

I love in 10:31 that they planned a sabbath for their farm land every seven years to give it time to rest and planned to cancel all debt that year as well.  Planned rest, planned forgiveness.  Hope to look forward to.

Acts 15-21

Paul starts his second missionary journey, this time with Silas.  Even though he and Barnabas quarreled and separated, really what happened was that more people would end up hearing the gospel as both went to different places spreading the word.  

Their story in prison never fails to amaze me, after everything that had just happened in the previous paragraph, Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns.  There was no bitterness towards God, no thoughts that he had abandoned them and that's why they were in this position.  Every situation was an opportunity to not just praise Him but to do it in front of others, and because of that, others began to believe.

Years go by of them visiting places in Asia until all the people had heard the word of the Lord, but now sensing the end of his life, he says goodbye, but not in an ordinary way, but in warning that times will be hard, and people will try to sway them, but to be alert and to know that while he is not there the inheritance of grace through God and his word will always remain.  And then they all wept together.  Fellowship brings relationship and fellowship over the word of the Lord brings a deep long lasting relationship that is like no other.

I am loving fellowshipping with you all through His word as well!bib

because not everything is a gift

It is no secret that we are a music loving family.  Hamilton captured all of ours, and most of the country's, attention for quite some time.  Our boys can name music scores after barely a handful of notes have been played and since the gift of a google home mini, dance parties in the kitchen are even more frequent because you can bring up any song with just a sentence aimed at that little gray circle on the counter.

My background in music is far from professional but still contains a variety of outlets, most frequently being dance and show choir.  From a young age I have LOVED musicals and when there is a good dance number involved, Yes Please! 

Getting to the movies, another one of our family's favorite things to do together, is tricky.  Times, schedules, calendar events, and the not so cheap price of tickets definitely hinder our ability, but there is a movie out right now that all of us are dying to go see.  The fact that we have been listening to the soundtrack nonstop for a week or two to prepare for the viewing has only fueled our desire.  The Greatest Showman scratches all of my musical loving itches.  Fantastic lyrics, dance party worthy rhythms, amazing voices, and emotions that have already caused a tear session or two--or ten.  At the heart of this story, without even having viewed it yet, I know is family, whether they come through blood, marriage, or those people drawn together through life experience who now have each other to turn to.

There are many angles to this story, but one is about the conception of the show as P.T. Barnum searches out people who have been cast out by society because of a strange characteristic that he helps them see as uniquely extraordinary.  At one point near the end Barnum is devastated at some consequences from his actions and he is approached by this same group of would-be misfits and told "while he may not have always done the right thing, he saw them all as more than freaks and gave them a real family and home." 

Others had pointed out to them their weaknesses and another came along and used them as strengths.

When recalling the thoughts on Sally Lloyd Jones' interview, there was much shared about gifts.  Again this past weekend during a retreat and then again during a conversation at the gym, the subject came up, and there was a consensus that gifts do not have to be worked for, they just appear.  It is why a three year old can play flawless violin, or a 9 year old can throw a knuckleball that could still confuse the most experienced hitters, why a deaf man can compose symphonies, or why a man well into retirement with no education can pick up a pencil and draw something so beautiful you would argue that it was a photograph. Can you fine tune them? of course, but that is just being a steward of what you have been given.  The gifting was given gracefully and abundantly for one reason, so that you would see God and give Him glory for what you have that you had no control over getting. 

God has given each of [us] a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts.  Use them well to serve one another.  1 Peter 4:10

We need to be thankful for the gifts and need to be intentional about being watchful for them in life instead of just disregarding them.  I have felt the desire to do that in the last few weeks, I hope you have too.  But, Y'all, in those watchful, intentional searches there are quite a bit of things found that are far from gifts.  They are things that still come easily, but instead of wanting to wrap up and hold on to them, it is the opposite desire, the desire to purge.  This is not a let's put it all in a donation box to see if anyone else wants it purge.  It's a let's "turn it into a flea, and then put that flea in a box, and then put that box inside of another box, and then mail that box to yourself, and when it arrives...smash it with a hammer!" kind of feeling.  Thank you Emperor's New Groove for that glorious word picture.

We each have a variety of struggles, that is no big news, we walk through ups and downs seeing successes from illnesses, vices, losses, and traumatic events and are thankful for each of them, but I know we each have those certain things that never quite go away.  That one struggle that keeps coming back again and again, sometimes with vengeance.  We've pleaded, we've prayed, we've begged for it to go away, but still there it is, making itself at home in our life like Cousin Eddie's tenement on wheels in the driveway.

But guess what, there is Hope in that as well. 

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh...three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 2 Cor. 12:7-8

We have an example, a great man of God who was given a thorn in the flesh that he pleaded with the Lord to take away that never was.  And why didn't He?

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9 

I know my thorns, the two biggest are fear and envy.  I do not know what yours are, but I know they are there and that you probably already can name them because if there is one thing we are good at, it is picking out our faults way before we can name our gifts.  While maybe they have not been placed in your life because you would other wise be conceited, there is confidence that they have been placed there so that you will have to rely on God to continue.  John Calvin says, "For men have no taste for God's power ill they are convinced of their need of it and they immediately forget its value unless they are conditionally reminded by awareness of their own weakness" He knows we need Him, and it is by His grace that he brings us back into the fold in this way as well.  It is about His strength being made perfect, not our own.

"No one enjoys feeling weak," says Charles Stanley, "whether it is emotionally, spiritually, or physically.  There is something within the human spirit that wants to resist the thought of weakness.  Many times this is nothing more than our human pride at work.  Just as weakness carries a great potential for strength, pride carries an equally great potential for defeat."  

This is not an overnight venture, immediately upon reading these words, as if a magical spell, will not result in becoming thankful and appreciative for all the crap that never seems to go away.  Mainly because that's not the point.  The point is to begin to "boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me...for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12:9-10

We have been sought out and included in the Kingdom with our gifts as well as our weaknesses, most importantly even, our weaknesses.  

I'll be praying as they are made known to you, pray for me.

for when it snows

We're on Snow Day #3 here in Oxford, GA though there was only snow on the ground during the first of these three.  Now, slick ice in the farthest reaches of the counties forever masked in shadows have kept many of us from school yet again and our boys are currently building all the legos and I am avoiding that room like the plague so that my intense OCD and mothery characteristics do not come out in full force.  I'll send the dad down there to help later on.  He's much better at calmly looking at chaos.

                       

Wednesday morning we woke up to, not only snow falling from the sky, but layers of it sticking to the ground creating a beautiful white blanket over it all.  In Georgia, falling snow is one thing, still being alive once it hits the ground is quite another, and to have both at the same time is what southern snow deprived dreams are made of.  While sharing a video in my instastory of our yard covered in it's first--while we have owned it--snowfall, a friend commented on how beautiful our yard is.  Knowing how many things I wasn't able to get to this fall as far as yard work goes and how much work is left to do before it becomes what I envision in my head, I had to immediately agree.  All the faults I usually see from the weeds, to the dilapidated boxwoods, to the overgrown holly, looked magical draped in that winter white.   Is it a wonder that a certain verse crept itself into my mind?

...Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7

David did not believe he would be washed white as snow, but that he would be washed whiter than snow.  See, the thing is, that that snow around our home melted as soon as the sun began to beat down on it revealing underneath the same, albeit soggier, ground that was there before.  That beautiful blanket covering all the faults disappeared and the true likeness reappeared.

Colossians 3:3 says "for you have died and your life is hidden in Christ.  Not hidden by Christ, but hidden in.  We are not just walking around wearing a Jesus suit that can melt away when the intense elements beat down.  When God looks at us, we do not have to make sure we are perfectly blocked by Christ much like a little kid hiding behind a tree during a neighborhood game of hide and seek.  We are hidden in Christ.  When God looks at us He sees His son.  We are perfectly covered, washed whiter than even the most beautiful snow.  

This is not a new truth, but like all of them, can be easily forgotten as we tread on through life.  I pray that it will be a perfectly timed reminder for you whenever it is needed most, pray for me.

bible in a year: week 2

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."

Genesis 8-15

This week began with all of mankind, save one family, being wiped from the earth and ended with Abram staring at the stars being promised that his offspring would be as numerous as them.  As I read, I am trying to place myself into the story and think about what reactions or emotions I might have.  This COULD lead to heretical observations as I emote my own sins onto others or it could open my heart to how much struggle, endurance, and faith was and still is needed to walk with God in this fallen world.  I am hoping the Holy Spirit is leading me towards the latter or if nothing else makes it extremely clear when I am drifting towards the former!

The first thoughts I had when rereading this well known story of Noah was how LONG they were on that stinking boat, adjective very much on purpose.  Months with very little fresh air or bathing and lots of animals and all the things that come along with that.  There are more than a few times I have found myself in uncomfortable, unfavorable situations wondering where God is and why he has left me there when in truth he could have been keeping me on that 'boat' to save my life.

And then, through the line of Shem, comes Abram who with no warning hears God tell him to leave his land and go to a new land that God promises, not so much to him, but to his offspring.  Abram obeys, immediately, completely on faith and goes out to the unknown, and waits and waits.  Through famine, his wife being taken as a wife for the Pharoah for a bit (I mean what the heck is that about), rescuing his nephew from the enemy, He waits.  At the end of this week we left him asking God, not through doubt and unbelief, but with confusion about how his offspring would inherit when he has none.  

I love God's grace in this part, because God explains not moment for moment but in the big picture of what He is going to do and the exact land He is going to provide.  I find myself wanting this same conversation with God where it speaks to me and lets me know what He is going to do for me and then I remember I have all those things, in this very book we have committed to reading through.  Not the specifics of my day to day life of course, but the promises of eternity with Him.

Matthew 8-14

It is one thing to just read seven chapters of the bible in a week and quite another to study, take notes, and attempt to comprehend seven chapters of the bible in a week, especially when it's this book right here.  Maybe using a quote from Hamilton is not the best way to describe Jesus's years of ministry while he physically walked here on earth, but I can't help it, because, Man, the Man is NON-STOP!  He worked like he was running out of time, because He knew He was, even when his disciples didn't. 

From preaching on the mountainside, to healing a man with leprosy, to healing a Centurion's servant and declaring His intent to be here for anyone who believes, to more healing, to calming the sea, to adding Matthew to his Disciples, to raising a girl from the dead, to healing the blind, to commissioning his 12 disciples, to warning about persecution and so on and so on with more healing, preaching with parables, feeding 5,000 people with a few loaves of bread and two fish, to going to the mountain alone to pray, and then walking on water.  All this in 7 chapters.

I have read more sermon texts googled from verses this week than I have in a lifetime.  From why do we fast in chapter 9, to what it means when he says you will not have gone through the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes in chapter 10, to learning the reason--which was not as simple as I assumed--Jesus speaks in parables in chapter 13, this was a knowledge learning week.

It some ways it was great to see these verses from a different angle as all of scripture, though it only holds one truth, can teach lessons in numerous ways but there was a tendency this week to see negatives where I had never seen them before.  Understand me when I say that word, I do not mean negative as in bad scripture, I mean negatives as in hardships, and hard truths.  The pharisees and their insane intent on disproving and discouraging the gospel at every turn and warnings of hardships and persecution and being sheep among the wolves of the world can start to take your focus away from the amazing work of Jesus.  

All those hard things are true, and still happen and will happen, but mixed among them all is a gospel that keeps going and a faith of His people that keeps growing believing that just a touch of his robe or just a word from his mouth makes all the difference in your life.  In the beginning, in the middle, and in the end, it really is just all Jesus.

Ezra 8-10, Nehemiah 1-4

Through research, I learned that Ezra and Nehemiah used to be one book and was split up sometime in the 3rd century which makes sense, since they flow from one to the other seamlessly and are about the same structure.  Nehemiah is a brand new book to me as well and my heart is comforted by it as much or more than Ezra.  Again we see a faith and pioneering spirit.  A man whose heart God stirs because of the troubles of His people who wants to complete a task for the Kingdom, rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem.  This faith led others to believe and want to help and thus a domino effect began as willing hard laborers built.  God's people, with one purpose, building the tangible wall that would later be witness to the work of Jesus that would build The Kingdom.  Ya'll.  Such good stuff!

They, as in Nehemiah and his fellow workers, had no clue what would be done later at these same locations.  All they knew was they were called to a task, a hard, heavy task that brought opposition and danger from those annoying enemies still bent on destroying anything that might glorify God, and they were not going to let anything keep them from completing it.  

I know a lot of us feel like our tasks are also hard, heavy, and monotonous, but take heart my friends.  The mundane tasks of today could be witness to the miraculous, gospel spreading work of Jesus later.

Acts 8-14

We started Acts with Saul and his heavy persecution against The Way (Christians) and continued with this same man becoming with not just a heart for the Gospel but a key apostle in the spreading of the Gospel who would eventually write half of the New Testament.  God uses who He chooses and He rarely chooses those we would choose.  He began his day one way and ended in quite another.  It only takes a moment for God to change your life, your heart, your direction.  

Within these chapters the truth was told to both Jews and Gentiles that Christ is open to all despite heritage.  Gentiles rejoiced, some Jews rejoiced, many Jews grew angry and bitter and immediately became enemies to Christ and these converts.  The thought of preconceived notions weighed heavily on my mind this week.  Had the Jews not had preconceived notions on what they wanted, namely a King to come and kill their Roman oppressors in revenge for the brutal treatment they had received, would they have been so hard hearted towards Christ.  Their thoughts of what they wanted, what they assumed was best, kept them from seeing Christ for who He was, so many examples in my own life where preconceived notions have caused struggles.

Week 2 is complete, there are 50 more to go.  That is both a lot, and not so much.  Just remember, one day is better than no days, one verse is better than none.  He promises His word will not come back void, so don't let getting behind get you down.  Each day is a new day with new mercies every morning!

because you just need to be you

Sally Lloyd Jones shared on Andrew Osenga's podcast The Pivot about her life and within it inspired me and this post about the beauty of being yourself.  Lines may blur as her words, my thoughts about them, and the other thoughts included intertwine, but God is the divine inspiration behind us both so I hope grace and forgiveness can be extended if I miss a few acknowledgements throughout.  To listen for yourself visit here.

I have fond memories of my Grandaddy.  Actually, they are beyond just merely fond, they are literally heartwarming and can, in an instant, bring the sweetest of smiles to my face.  He loved me, but not in the typical he has to because I'm related to him way.  He LOVED me in a doted upon me, hid money in the couch cushions just so I could find it, ate dinner with a one year old in his lap just because she wanted to be there way.  He died when I was in Jr. High after suffering from dementia for a couple years and a little part of my heart still hasn't healed from that loss, not only the loss of his life, but of the relationship that that disease can rob from us even when physical presence is still intact.

The memories I cherish the most are the ones where we were just outside sitting and he, in some way, shared his life with me.  Whether funny comments, stories of his childhood, playing rock school on the front steps, or lessons on how to flip a pocket knife and get it to stand straight up on a picnic table, he invested in me with time and words.

Recently, while listening to a new podcast--and pretending that I am so on trend saying that instead of admitting that I am really late to the party--there were more words shared from a wise soul that took me beyond just wanting to sit and rock next to her on the porch while I soaked them in, to literally grabbing a notebook--or keep app in this case--in an attempt to write down all the things.  The heart of the message shining through for me was the beauty of being yourself and as a person who has struggled with seeing herself as less when others seem more it was perfect, and possibly life changing.

We each have qualities we admire in others.  Seeing from a distance a mother who is patiently dealing with a temper fueled toddler, a teacher who can go with the flow of a class full while keeping positivity, or a coach or athlete who keeps his cool and encourages calmly instead of belittling are just a few of the ways the world can see a heart of love behind actions and give us mentors to speak into our lives ways we can grow and change.

But, when we, living in this fallen world like we are, are tempted to look at another and not just see what qualities we admire in them but begin to Envy them instead we are, in that moment, making the situation about us getting elevated instead of God getting glorified. 

In her interview, Sally Lloyd Jones commented that we judge our stories halfway through our stories, but we have to wait because it is only at the end where we can start seeing the pattern of what is being done.

This can also be taken a step further. As we judge our stories halfway through, we are often judging everyone else's as well and as we view them from the outside our opinion is tainted all the more as we have no way of knowing the hardships, knowledge, and heart change that have built them up to now.  There's a reason teachers tell you to keep your eyes on your own paper.  Your life is God's work on you, not another.

It is in these times where Paul's words are not only encouraging, but help streamline focus.  For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of another (Romans 12:4-5)  

In Corinthians he spells it out even more clearly for those in the "please speak to me like I'm a 5 year old" group--my hand is raised here people.  If the foot should say, "because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body.  And if the ear should say, "because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body.  If the whole body were an eye, how could we hear?  If the whole body were an ear, how could we smell?...

"We on our own have a hierarchy of what is worthy and what isn't.  God does not have that.  He sees each of us as what He created us to be and if we are filling that role it is beautiful and helps bring order to the chaos which is this fallen world." ~Sally Lloyd Jones

Beauty in the chaos.  He makes the broken things beautiful.

C.S. Lewis says, "even in literature and art, no many who bothers about originality will ever be original; whereas if you simply try to tell the truth, without care twopence how often it has been told, you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."

We are each fearfully and wonderfully made specifically crafted in the biggest story before it was even set into motion and our part in it can not be performed by another.  In the wise words of Ernest T. Bass, it's "all mine, nobody elsies.

The most eye opening, stopping in my tracks, filling my heart part of Sally Lloyd Jones' interview came because of this simple yet, profound statement, "we spend more time comparing ourselves to other people than valuing what comes easy to us.  We think because it comes easy to us then it must not be worthwhile, but the reason it comes easy to us is because God has gifted us with the ability to do it."

God has given each of you[us] a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts.  Use them well to serve one another.  1 Peter 4:10

As said earlier, when we envy we making the situation about us getting elevated instead of God getting glorified.  When we are focused on honoring God instead we can't help but do it with those gifts we have been given.

Howard Thurman wrote, "Don't ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."  There is no better One to listen to in this regard, than the person who in the beginning gave you Life.

Don't ever let yourself forget that Jesus has purchased a future for you that is better than anything you could have dreamed or planned for yourself.

More than anything this week, and beyond, I am praying that you can see the beauty in just being the you you were created to be and the need for more of that in the Kingdom, pray for me.

bible in a year: week 1

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."

Genesis Chapters 1-7

In one short week we read about God creating the world and saying it was good, to him having to wipe the world clean of all of mankind save the one he found righteous, Noah.  Adam and Eve, placed in perfection, literally walking with God feeling no shame and no discord with one another, threw it all away because of one thing, they thought God was withholding something from them.  This one seed of doubt from Satan set off a series of events that allowed sin into this world and became the reason that one day God would send a savior.  In the grand scheme of life the perfection of Eden was so minute.  However, the perfection that comes in Heaven through a relationship with Christ is here for eternity.  

Comforting moments in these chapters came from God, of course, but they came in the darkest part of sin and shame.  Adam and Eve deliberately disobeyed yet He came to them, sought them out, clothed them.  Cain killed his brother in a jealous rage and yet God came to him, sought him out, and protected him from being killed even after Cain had failed to protect his brother from himself.   After hundreds of years of evil and debauchery, God was ready to wipe out all of mankind but he found Noah righteous and came to him, sought him out, and asked him alone to remain and to carry on the line of Adam. 

Matthew Chapters 1-7

Is there a reward for richest text in the bible?  If so Matthew is a definitely contender.  I would say flat out winner, but it's only the first week and there is a lot more reading to go!  

It makes sense that almost every word in the first seven chapters of Matthew are now underlined in my bible.  It begins with telling of the conception of Christ, the birth of Jesus, and then the ministry of our Savior starting with his baptism and continuing to include the beginning of the Sermon on the mount.  We, in our fallen state, get to hold and read the direct words of Jesus, the monologue on a mountainside where he poured it all out to his disciples and for the benefit of the others around to hear.  

Starting from before his birth, there was never a time that the name of Jesus didn't stir up polar opposite responses.  

There is more in these chapters than I can begin to touch on so the only thing I can think to do is share items that were new to me this time around knowing that there are countless more that are being left out.  To resist temptation, Jesus quoted scripture.  The word of God is power!  My eye is the lamp to my body so be careful little eyes what I see.  Focusing on Christ brings light into my life, when that focus shifts darkness will fill me.  Every one will be known by their fruit and that good fruit comes directly from God.  There's no need to worry about getting it done on our own.  Eyes up, trust Him.

Ezra 1-7

Ezra has been a first read for me and I love the hand of God actively shown throughout it.  God has brought his people back from exile and assembled them together to rebuild the temple of God.  He has stirred not only the hearts of his people to give of their riches to build it, but has also stirred the hearts of the King to decree that not only MUST the temple be built but that the riches Nebuchadnezzer took will be returned and taxes will be used to finish it.  

There was opposition from those who were denied the ability to assist, there was government decrees sent to stop the building of the temple, there were even heartbroken members of God's people saddened by the state of the new temple in comparison to what once was in the grandeur of Solomon's, but in all of it there was steadfast faith, wise words and actions, and hearts changed so that the temple was completed.

My favorite part of the entire week actually wasn't in Ezra but a verse in Haggai that describes this temple they were building.

"The final glory of THIS house will be greater than the first...I will provide Peace in this place."

Acts 1-7

The Gospel erupts.  Jesus has died, risen, and is spending his last days on earth with his disciples before God takes him up to heaven.  Constant in prayer, his disciples received languages of all the people so that they could carry his word forth.  Growing in grace, fellowship, and wisdom the church began to be what God created the church to be.  Telling another of His goodness, using their abundance to benefit the needy, healing those who were sick and lame, His word is being spreads and numbers are being added to His Kingdom.  However, as earlier said the name of Jesus always causes polar opposite emotions and those who's hearts are not being turned toward him are turning further away and doing everything they can to halt it.  History has taught us that that only causes more to come to him but in the midst His people are beginning to be persecuted and suffer for his name.  This cycle continues even to this day...

Week 1 has stirred my heart and opened up an intense desire to continue seeing how this book will show the story of Jesus from start to finish.  Praying for each of you as we continue on this journey, that the newness will remain as the weeks go by and the hunger will grow to keep going.

gentle, a new word for a new year

It has been five months since we said goodbye to summer and embarked on a journey to make the most of the ten months of the school year.  There have been reminders that He is the simple answer we need in every situation, that He is who gifted us time and knows us fully, therefore can help us be content in what He has called us to do.

Together we have learned that small things are big, we all need new perspective, ways of loving our neighbor, God is worth repeating, there are stages in our growth, that fear does not own us, and that we have misguided thoughts of perfection.

Now, here, as we are halfway through, we find ourselves at the beginning of a new calendar year.  A time to take stock of a year that has passed and a new one that is coming.  There are successes and failures during this first half like during anything else, but above it all is a hand guiding and teaching and in the mirror a person who is not the same, proof of the promise that there is renewal day by day.

Each new year there is a challenge to find a new word, phrase, or idea to ponder upon and grow in.  For a few months I thought I had it nailed.  I have alluded to things I have not yet finished that God has asked of me and just "knew" that Finish was my word of 2018.  However there was the thought, are we ever truly finished this side of heaven?  Besides the fact that I do not have a desire to be "finished" this year in that respect if you catch my drift, when those tasks are completed, and even if they aren't, He will ask different things, new things, that will then need to be finished.  No, finish is not it.

Then thoughts drifted back to something read in the middle of the summer that never quiet left the forefront of my mind.  A word I aspire to be but long ago in my vast wisdom-ha!-deemed it impossible.  Let me explain...

In Elementary school, I called one of my best friends and her dad answered, as she was coming to the phone and asked who it was He responded, "I don't know.  I think it's some boy."  I didn't have the right voice.

In Seventh grade, my first year of junior high, an announcement was made that cheerleading tryouts were coming up.  Now, anyone who thought they knew me would never have assumed I would be interested, but oh my how my heart longed to just try.  There was a desire to be set apart, special, and every girl knew that a cheerleader was about as special as you could get--oh the many things I would love to go back and tell that girl!  Two things stopped me from trying out.  Number 1 when I stomped and clapped like cheerleaders do my thighs jiggled which obviously in my junior high head no one else's did.  And Number 2, I didn't have the right voice.

A large portion of my memorable lifetime has been spent envying my soft spoken friends and their beautifully, quiet, sing-song voices who did not just blurt things out at random times.  A large portion of my memorable lifetime has been spent trying to emulate those tones and qualities and an equally large portion has been spent distrusting the sincerity of people with those voices because if I could not be myself talking that way, they must not be being themselves either.

Somewhere in the journey to find my own truth I came to believe that I could not have a gentle spirit because my literal tone of voice was not gentle enough.  Instead of asking my Creator to develop a quality of character within me, I attempted to change myself and then instead of accepting failure deemed myself incapable.  God is the only one who has the power to change us and He is everything but incapable.

Fast forward to the summer of 2017, 35 1/2 years of living on this earth had passed, and these words from Paul David Tripp were read, "Treating a person with gentleness makes him or her want to move near you.  Responding with gentleness teaches another person that he or she is safe in your care.  It is an essential relational bond." 

Maybe it is odd that the thought of a stray animal came to mind before any other but the brain goes where it goes at times.  Trying to rescue a scared creature might require a somewhat softer tone but much more than that is required a gentle, patient disposition where trust is formed producing a desire to come near.  Too quick of a movement and you can scare them away.  Too short of a wait and you will show them there was not much care to begin with.

This was my desire.  The desire was to instill trust, a desire to be near, a feeling of safety and acceptance. My greatest desire for my relationship with my husband and bond with my boys who are growing rapidly past the young child care taking stage into the emotional and spiritual guiding stage was for them to feel safe with me whether just enjoying time in each other's presence or deep in life giving conversation.  Accomplishing this with just a voice was not going to work, it needed to be shown in action.

Therefore, Gentle is my word for 2018.

1 Peter 3:4 says, "Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  Another translation which just my have one of my favorite phrases in it says, "but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God's sight."

Earlier in life I had misapplied out of the heart the mouth speaks to my tonal quality instead of the words being spoken.  And yes while the sound of your voice makes a huge difference and as a mama something I can struggle incessantly with during times of frustration, it is my words that can give life or take it away.  My mouth will speak the words that are in my heart and if my heart is full of the life giving words God gives the sound, sing-songy or not, will not matter as much.

As the word Gentle becomes a daily thought it will take different forms. 

First will having a literal gentle disposition that will draw others near and having a quiet spirit which comes from being at peace because of Christ and NOT from having a quiet voice.  She's learning folks! 

There will also be a gentleness with myself, grace before judgement which I tend to give to others freely and keep locked away when it comes to my own life, decisions, and mistakes. 

Lastly, there will be striving for a gentle approach.  A new friend commented about gentling herself into the new year, lowering expectations.  Loving this thought more would be impossible.  Expectations kill relationship with ourselves, our family, and our Heavenly Father.  The hurts that have been caused and the arguments that have ensued over unmet expectation is immeasurable.  Gentling, or easing, into conversation instead of conflict is worth practicing and (im)perfecting.

Clean slates, blank pages, an entire calendar before us of things that are not yet known.  It is scary to think about if you assume yourself alone, but to remember that each day has been preplanned for eternity to continually create you to be you is astounding.  Not each day will hold what we deem as good, but our eyes see so little of the story, of both our own stories and the ones of those around us.  The eyes that hold us each as an apple, the eyes that look down and know how we each relate to one another in the larger story of the Kingdom of God will never cease to show us that He is Good and He makes Good for us out of anything.

In this year, whether you choose your own word or not, make sure God is your source of sturdy joy, the thing you are living for, and the reason you do everything you do.

I will be praying for you in this, pray for me.