what i'm up to

Four weeks ago I shared words from this used to be super private place on the interwebs.  This happened without explanation or prefacing.  Not that anyone else cares I'm sure, but in my head it feels as if I jumped into a conversation that I might not have totally been invited to or placed myself on a committee with not the least bit of experience for whatever things committees actually do.  Very kin to the feeling of staring out the window at the crazy neighbor whose outside in her bathrobe chasing something with a stick and your first response is "what is she up to out there"followed closely by "bless her heart".  This is an attempt, at least for myself, to avoid the crazy neighbor, bless your heart head shakes and explain what I'm up to.

First things first, however, I feel as if I need to formally introduce myself because without a brief glimpse into the past the future very often makes no sense.  I'm Sarah Ann May.  Formally Sarah Ann Keel.  I was born in south Florida and moved to South Alabama at the mature age of six weeks old.  I grew up in a small town where my accent was founded though thankfully in my twenties I learned how the long i sound is supposed to be pronounced.  I went to college at Auburn University and majored in Elementary Education.  Sophomore year, a month after officially breaking it off with my not so nice to me high school boyfriend, I met the one whom my soul loves at an RUF bonfire whilst trying to get my crush to notice me.  Said crush happened to be one of our groomsmen at our wedding on June 5 of 2004.

I worked as a second grade teacher with people I loved for three years then began my journey as a mom after having our first son in 2007.  For the past nine years I've been at home with our three boys doing all the things stay at home moms do which I assure you does not include lying on the couch eating chocolate but does in fact include passing out on the couch from pure exhaustion after stressing eating lots of chocolate.  I began blogging our family's goings on when my oldest was 14 months old and continue to do so because I'm a huge fan of documenting life and memories.  A little over two years ago, God shook my life to the core with a very difficult situation.  Much like the story of the Tower of Babylon I just reread this morning, in a way, and in His infinite mercy, God did in fact spread me, or at least my emotions, across what felt like my entire world in order to draw me closer to Him.  From that experience I began this blog, An Inner Disposition, in order to write my heart, thoughts, feelings, struggles, and redemptions, in a more private way.  Though I left out plenty of I'm an idiot and less than amazing moments because time and space is short, this is me in a nutshell, pecan or almond preferred, and brings us to the present.

As per usual, one small thing happened which led to another thing and another until all of a sudden there was a purpose forming that I never would have thought of on my own, or at least never would have thought myself brave enough to try.  My pastor's wife gifted me with a very large and very blank notebook and it's individual purpose will hold the daily plans of my life and the brainstorms of how to get from point A to my future point B.  However first some type of a point B has to be thought of so in the beginning pages I wrote my dreams, the desires of my heart (psalm 37:4).

*create a home atmosphere that is loving, comfortable, and visually appealing.

*use/open our home to friends, family, the church and others as a ministry of community and encouragement and of course fun.

*council, mentor, or just meet with others, helping them to see Hope in the midst of everything.

*open a store that will provide a gathering place for friends, support others by selling their goods, tithing to local ministries, hosting local groups and housing a counseling/discipleship ministry (this one is far in the future I would imagine)

*WRITE!  Letters, emails, texts, articles, blog posts that are encouraging, transparent, and full of Truth and Hope.

Four weeks ago, after much Holy Spirit prodding and numerous encouraging words from my husband and a few friends, I committed my Wednesday mornings to the last one on the list for a bigger than me purpose and placed myself in the public eye, if of course you can count 100 or less people as the public.  I did not major in English.  I have no idea how you use a semi colon and I often add too many or leave out too many commas.  Praise Jesus for my husband's strict French public school education so that he can sweep in and fix all my grammatical errors.  However on the pro side I have a redeemed heart, I have stories of how my life would be a wreck without the saving grace through Christ, and I have a God who I am 99% sure came up with this plan and placed the desire in my heart.  

There is a learning curve for sure.   I am very much so in the early stages of experimenting with words and summoning up the courage to actually share them.  Be assured, the anxiety that comes with pressing the posting button is immense and probably deserves an entire post of its own.  You are my guinea pigs.  My sounding board.  My patient, please love me anyway, eyes and ears and mouths of compliment and criticism.  If you have a desire to follow this hopefully non train wreck of a journey there are buttons on the side of the blog where you can receive an email when there's a new post or you can add it to your feedly list on your phone amongst all your cute decorating blogs that you have saved.

I completely understand however if you have no desire to follow because there are many others sharing their hearts in beautiful ways or if you know that you, like all of us, have hundreds of things going on and will never remember to read anything. For you I pray for this, that you will pause life for a moment or two and think of that one thing God may have been asking you to step out in faith and try or even step out in faith and stop knowing that you are loved unconditionally and that, if you are His, can not, no matter the circumstance, be shaken.  Then share that dream or goal with another. Speak your heart into the light and see what He shows you.

So there you go, bless your heart head shakes or not, this is my goal and one of the ways I am saying yes, excitedly and hesitantly and often doubtingly, to God in my life.  I'd love to hear what is happening in yours!

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