an inner disposition

Let's face it, looking on the outside is the easiest way to make a judgement.  In less than two seconds, without even trying, you can develop an opinion about someone or something just by looking at them.  What kind of clothes are they wearing?  Where do they live?  How did they talk to their children?  Is there a kind smile present or an angry face?  or a disapproving face?  or a blank stare?  

This is just the bare bones of the many, and I mean MANY, thoughts that enter our heads on first glance. Oh how I hate it.  I hate it because not only have I been one of the guilty parties, but I've been victim to it as well.  Being looked at briefly yet having an entire bias built against you.  I'm pretty sure I can say with complete confidence that there is no one walking this earth that is not on both sides of the coin.  Not one person who hasn't felt that disapproving glance and not one person who hasn't given it.

Your disposition, your usual mood, the way you come across, can seem to go two ways.  It is either a blessing or a curse.  Aren't first impressions supposed to be the most important?  Don't screw up day one because you'll never dig out of that hole.  Don't come across negatively because you'll never prove yourself after the reputation you've made.  It's too late to change so you might as well fit the description.

 Or flip it around and wow them the first time.  Knock it out of the park.  Be perfect and then stress out for the rest of forever because you can't tarnish that perfect reputation you've built.  You can't let them see you fail.  It's too dangerous to admit that you're not enough.

Yeah, that outward disposition really only ends up one way, and a blessing it isn't.  But don't lose hope, because just as your mama has been telling you since middle school, it's not what's on the outside that matters.  But, honestly, it's not necessarily what's on the inside either, if what's in the inside is drive and determination steered by yourself.  It's WHO is in the inside that makes the difference.

God holds my heart.  His Spirit through the sacrifice of His Son is what is in the inside of me.  And day by day He is making it new.  Day by day He is guiding me different places in different ways.  Day by day He is examining my heart, not so He can beat me down with what's wrong, but so He can create a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

He is changing my heart, and with it He is changing how I think and feel about the things I see on the outside, and He is changing the ways I feel in the inside.  

He is changing my inner disposition.

From that comes the well spring of life.  From that my mouth speaks.  From that will I tell of His wonders.

On the outside, at a glance, I may possibly look the exact same way. But look closer, and you will see the difference.  And though I'm a work in progress, look at my heart and you will see renewal.

My prayer is that whatever is written on this little blip in the world will be due to an inner disposition produced from a constant work within me, day by day.