Friday, January 16, 2015

No strings attached

When you learn something it can either be immediate like a light bulb coming on at the first touch of a switch,  it can take a few tries just to clear the confusion,  or it can feel like you're beating your head against a wall because, as much as you may want to, you just don't get it.

This new journey,  this learning to love thing,  has already caused some scratches and a big ol' knot as I beat my head against the proverbial brick wall yelling "I just don't get it!" but then in the early morning the light started to grow within my heart as the comforting words of "of course you don't" appeared. 

I realized, while tending to the bruises, that I have desperately been trying to make sense of the completely nonsensical.  Grace and gospel love make absolutely no sense.   Zero.  In fact in the world they make less than zero sense,  in the world's eyes grace and love are downright stupid. (Pardon my use of the s word, as my boys would say)

Grace and love that comes from Christ are freely given, no strings attached, make no sense, impossible to earn, because not one of us deserves it, gifts of the gospel.  Even the smartest of us all can not truly comprehend how it is possible to give and be given and that is what makes it so unearthly beautiful.  We can't analyze, understand, pass a test and shove the grace card in our wallets. 

I have been attaching strings to my love and cutting them one by one when something hurtful or confusing or inconsiderate happens or something I deem not the right and obvious choice of behavior and now there is not so much as a thread left to pretend to hang on to.  While the world would call it a natural and maybe even justified reaction, it is in reality a sin that needs to be addressed because as a child of God I am not of this world.

Showing and giving Grace like I've been shown and given is the call on my heart but in no way am I even a little bit capable of doing it alone.  I have to be rid of myself and fall on the feet of the only one who can.

I have to seek and ask until I am able to give.   Even then I will fail, and repent again and again as its not a one size fits all situations kind of thing.   It's a new road every time, a new challenge to go up against,  and a new chance to let Jesus into yet another piece of my heart that I  realize I have never opened up.

"Lead Me To The Cross"

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost


To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart


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