because even though you can't change your past, you can change someone else's future

At writing workshops, one of the most talked about topics is having an ideal reader.  You need to know who you are talking to in your head so that you can get across the information necessary to that person.  One point that is sure to be made is that you should not make yourself your ideal reader.  You must broaden your scope, be a little more general while staying specific, specifically general, so that you reach a wider audience.  Sound confusing? Well it is.  I have never been good at this, which is probably why I am far from a famous writer, but in my opinion, or at least for my personal desires and purposes, I need to be intimately connected to the topic.  Whatever I am saying has to be something I feel or have felt deeply.  Something that I also need to hear.

To me, if sharing advice or encouragement or knowledge or wisdom, if it is not something you do not also need to hear, you have no business saying it, because you have no understanding from which to pull.  My heart needs to comprehend just how much another heart may need the same words, the same lessons.  If that means a smaller audience so be it. If Jesus can leave 99 to go after just 1, then I can too.

The thing is, if it were possible, I would often make my past self the ideal reader.  What would I say, for example, to the five year old girl so very afraid of the dark, the twelve year old who had no clue how to deal with a friend all of a sudden not wanting to be her friend anymore, the sixteen year old who was trying to balance high school and boys and driving a car without getting lost, the nineteen year old who had her heartbroken, the twenty-two year old newlywed with a new job in a new state, the twenty five year old with a baby completely dependent on her, the thirty-one year old who hit a road bump in marriage so hard it could have possibly totaled the whole thing.

We often say, if we could just go back and tell our past self this, this, and this, everything would have turned out differently, but would it have?  Back to the Future is probably not the most intellectual example to throw in here, but in my recollection, going back and making any changes did not seem to help the future out too much.

Changing our past just isn't going to bring sudden happiness and perfection.  While I do not completely agree with Rafiki when he whacks Simba on the head and tells him it doesn't matter, it's in the past, I highly agree with his next statement, "You can't change it, but you can learn from it."  While we learn, we store away those hard fought lessons for a reason that reaches way beyond our own life's peace.  With our life, we have the ability to change another's.

Not everyone has hit the milestones you have, not everyone has gone through the same suffering that you have, and not everyone who has gone through similar sufferings and experiences have made it to the other side of them.   There is always someone farther ahead of you and there is always someone coming up behind.  One of our jobs as believers is to accept those hands that are there to pull us up and also to reach back with our own hands and pull up another.

We can not do anything about what is done because, as they say, it is done, but we can do something about how we use what happened for not only ourselves, but the ones around us.  By living in community, sharing our stories, and saying out loud the things we know we need to hear instead of pretending as if we have it all together, the ones we walk alongside will see, will hear, will have the opportunity to learn without it having to come in the hardest ways.  Like Hamilton told Eliza, if I had to fight a war just to meet you, it would have been worth it.

My birthday is tomorrow.  37 years.  Dang, that seemed so old when I was in elementary school, but seems so young at this very minute, because of all I know I still have to learn.  Regardless, it's been another year of life on earth, another year of making mistakes, another year of successes, another year of growing, another year of seeing how tightly I am held in the hands of my creator and that abiding in Him truly is the best place to be.  In honor of this milestone, privilege, I want to share some of my hardest earned lessons, the things I would love to tell my younger self, but can't.  Instead I share them with you, the things I want someone else to know in hopes they can learn in an easier way.

*  It's ok to be afraid of the dark, it doesn't make you weak.  It most likely means you have an overactive imagination which just happens to be an amazing character quality.

*  Friendships are hard, but they are worth fighting for.  If there is someone you want to remain in your life, take the time to let them know that.  

*Friendships are hard, and sometimes they need to be let go, and it's ok if it still sucks even if it's also a relief. 

*Friendships are hard and sometimes friendships end and neither of you know why or really wanted it to happen, it just happens.

*  Some boys are insane, emotional, and careless with you heart.  Some boys are kind, thoughtful, and careful with your heart.  That second group of boys will still do stupid stuff.

*It's okay to forgive someone for anything. It doesn't mean you'll still be in each other's life.  The forgiveness is more for your heart anyway.

*  Being an introvert is a dang good character quality and never apologize for it.  It just means you were created to serve this world in a different way with a different view.

*  It's always a good idea to have the conversation.  Even if you're nervous, even if you're terrified, even if you will cry the whole time you are talking.  It's better than leaving needed words unsaid.

*  Almost everything is hard the first time you do it, that's why you need to do it a second time and a third and keep going until its easier.  Except if what you are doing is illegal.  Just stop that now.

*  If something comes easy to you that doesn't come easy to others be thankful.  You found one of your gifts.

*  You do not have to prove anything to anyone.  Be confident that you can feel what is best for you.  If you don't want to do something, don't do it.  If you want to do something, keep at it.  Friends will encourage for both sides, non-friends will pressure you on just one.  Stick with the encouragers.

*  If a boy breaks up with you because you get scared at scary movies then he is an idiot and you are better off without him.

*  If there is something nagging you, deep inside, telling you to do something, it doesn't make you feel better to ignore it.  Step out in faith knowing the one who has called you to it is trying to do something beautiful somewhere.

*  Lifting weights is super fun and makes you feel like a super hero.  And even though you know it is super cliche, throwing them down every once in a while is the best feeling!

*  Parenting is all kinds of hard and all kinds of beautiful and all kinds of exhausting and all kinds of sanctifying and pretty much the best thing I have ever been allowed to do.

*  If you're feeling like a hot mess, say you're feeling like a hot mess.  If you're having a crappy day, say you're having a crappy day.  If you are in love with where you are in life, say that you are in love with where you are in life.  Your honesty is sure to help another be honest as well!

*  If one day it feels like life is falling apart, well it might just be, but that doesn't mean it won't get built right back up again, usually in a different and better way.  

*Pivots in life don't mean you chose wrong the first time, it means that part is done and it's time to move on to the next thing.

and lastly,

*THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!

I would love to hear some of your hard earned lessons, but until then I am praying that you will learn to use them for others and have the opportunity to see how they can change a life, pray for me.

for when you need to know the big picture doesn't matter as much as you think

Our oldest has been introduced to Google Earth and he's obsessed.  I am still not sure if this is a male only obsession or if I'm just a female who happens to not get into it, but either way the introduction came from his daddy who is just as obsessed with it and has been since college.  One day I was walking in our old town main street towing two little boys at the time when the Google car with all it's cameras atop the roof came past us.  One of the two times I have checked Google Earth on my own was sometime after that to see myself on the street.  The other time was in my olden days of being a second grade teacher before smartboards so we all huddled around a desktop to see a visual representation as we were learning the differences between continents, countries, counties, states, and cities.  Every other has been my husband yelling come here and then showing me a view of something somewhere that is obviously amazing enough to interrupt whatever I was doing.

I love this tool and I love his interest.  Watching my boy visually see and seek out places on this earth that are different from his is wonderful for this mama heart.  This quote by Mark Twain is a favorite, "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.  Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime."  Seeking out new places spurs the desire to see new places which opens your heart to learning much about all the people and places God created and placed purposely in this world.  But the best part is not zooming out to see the big picture, it's zooming in to look at the details.

We are often after the big picture of life.  We want to know what's going to happen or why is this happening.  Lord, we pray, just give me a glimpse of the big picture and I promise I'll be able to follow more faithfully.  Truth bomb, it's not really the big picture that we're after, it's the right picture.  We want to see what we want to see.  We want to zoom out in hopes of a glimpse of the finish line, how things will end, we're not really concerned about what it's going to look like on the way.  Confession, if I had been given the gift I so longed for, to see the big picture of my life, I can already tell you I would have planted two feet in the ground as hard as possible and refused to move on.

Seeing the big picture does not matter as much as you think it does, what matters most is the infinite number of little spots that build that picture.  The purposefully, perfectly placed small stories in the middle.  Those are what truly show God's faithfulness. 

In numerous places in the old testament it talks about the Babylonian Captivity, for anyone not familiar to that story this is the jist...Israel was continually ignoring God and was going to be punished by being exiled to Babylon, held captive, taken over by another country and no longer allowed to lead themselves for 70 years.  This got their attention and many wanted to run and hide, but God told them through the prophet Jeremiah that if they would surrender to Babylon they would live, but if they ran and hid they would die.

I say this to explain that the big picture sucked, the big picture was being exiled, away from the country and place you loved, and being ruled by another, but if you get past the big picture and zoom in more and more you can find one person, a man named Daniel.  Daniel is one such perfectly placed spot in the middle of the story.  You see Daniel loved the Lord and God placed him right alongside of the king and used this one person to impact the heart of several rulers who then were able to impact the lives and hearts of their kingdoms with God's Kingdom.

Zooming down through the messy picture of powertrips and war and captivity is a single spot of love and grace working and growing.  Daniel is not the only spot.  Ruth was one in the middle of the time of Judges. One story of one woman, who became great grandmother to King David in the lineage of Christ.  Paul was one in the middle of torturous persecution.  Jesus, the brightest spot, came in the midst of terrible Roman rule to an obscure place in the middle of a tiny insignificant town.  We are each one.  Each of us in the middle of what feels like a mess are a single spot, perfectly placed tangible examples of God's faithfulness to His people and His promises.

Life is ever changing, human leadership is ever changing, we are ever changing while constantly learning, growing, and being made new.  Some days we feel as if we are being held captive in our own Babylon, some days we feel as if we are basking in the sun of the promised land.  Some days two people looking at the same event are feeling both extremes simultaneously.  If given the chance to see the big picture we most assuredly would not look through it with the same eyes God is able to, so instead of worrying about the big picture, focus on the single spot you make in the midst and do that work He has given you well while ever glorifying Him.

Praying today that you not only see the spot you have been placed in, but grow to love the purpose you hold while there and see the beauty that is being made.  Pray for me.

because you need to remember why you started

Once upon a time, before he reached his current level of maturity and contentment in his wisdom, my husband was 'famous' for saying he had read certain books when he truly had not.  In order to seem just as well-read as others in our small group he would always respond with oh yeah that's a good one when someone would talk about a very deep spiritual book they had read.  The day he finally confessed this, in the same small group environment, was hard for him I'm sure, but ended up being hilarious because it was not the big deal he had built up in his head.  No one automatically doubted his opinions because he had not completed the nonexistent list of required reads written by spiritual giant in order to become a spiritual giant.  To this day, the subject still comes up occasionally in a lighthearted way.

I am the opposite, I never claim to read something I have not, but I will completely avoid reading certain books or authors out of fear that I won't be able to grasp their points.  If I don't read them, then I won't have to face that fact that I'm not as smart as another who not only read it but can recount and build upon the philosophical meanings.  No, neither one of us was going about it the right way.

Because of this fear there are many things I have had on my to read list that have stayed there, one of which was A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson.  His passing this week and the many beautiful words others have said about him and his life's work inspired me to finally pick up this book that has been sitting on my night stand since last Christmas--my courage had lasted only long enough to put it on my wishlist.  It took exactly one paragraph for me to get hooked and exactly one day for me to be inspired in my own writing from reading his.

On page 1 of chapter 1--I told you it didn't take long--he categorizes the difficulties we face into three categories.  One category is the world and our inability to recognize the world's temptations in our lives and how, in sometimes subtle ways, it changes the way we live.

I talk a lot about the world and the way it defines words differently than how God defined them, words like joy and hope and that it's not just semantics, because how you say something to another is just as important as understanding the true meaning behind what you are trying to say.  And then there was last week, and the concept of looking for the beauty and purpose of where you are instead of letting the world convince you that another place is always better.

Peterson says that "one aspect of world that I have been able to identify as harmful to Christians is the assumption that anything worthwhile can be acquired at once."  As we live lives where we can fail over and over or get side tracked again and again which leads to questioning and doubts that we really are on the right path, we can't see the beauty of now without remembering why we started that way in the first place.

We do not start our jobs, we do not open new businesses, we do not initiate new ventures without being spurred on by something.  Whether it was a dream we always held in our hearts to accomplish, a calling we felt placed heavily on our hearts, or a gift that was given to us through the spirit that we felt compelled to use, we all started with excitement and dedication to the task.  Like that fresh faced early adult, we skipped in the world with our ideals and aspirations ready to conquer, assuming like Peterson said, it could be acquired at once because of the nobility of its cause.

So what happened?  Adversity.  You inevitably faced adversity.  Setbacks, challenges, failures, pitfalls, misfortunes, road blocks.  Whatever the word, and whatever the degree, something stood in the way and left you reconsidering not just your current state, but your entire existence in your present field. 

As you sit, in the middle of the questions and doubts, there are two choices.  The first is to quit and start over with something completely new and maybe, at times, that really is the right choice, but not because you failed but because you were guided elsewhere.  The second is to stop and remember why you started.

That idealistic youngster isn't someone to laugh at, it's someone to learn from because they hold the initial information, the reason for beginning.  Taking your early self's initiative and pairing it with your experienced self's knowledge creates the person God will used to accomplish the initial task He planned for you. 

If you find yourself bogged down in a place that began as a dream, but has begun to feel as the opposite I want to give you two steps to follow.

1.  Identify what is weighing you down

     Do not ignore the hardships, the little or big things that are standing in the way, whether it is a person, your attitude, finances, etc, give each and every one of them a name.  Call them out, write them down, look at them.  They, tangible or intangible, are real and until you seem them you cannot stand against them.

2.  Identify why you started

     Follow the trail back to the beginning.  What initiated your desire to start, what did you want to accomplish, what gift of grace lies in your skill set that made you the exact person God desired to finish this work. 

Your dream, calling, and/or gift did not run out or disappear, it is just buried in the muck of the world.

There is a reason Adversity is a word used by every player and every coach in every post-game interview ever done, because it is every where in every situation on any given day.  Just this morning my CrossFit coach was explaining his current training method as adversity training, putting our bodies through short periods of intense work and then rest so that they can learn to handle harder things in the future. 

God is training our hearts and minds to be able to, through Him, accomplish short periods of hard work so that we can handle harder things in the future.  The lie of the world that everything worthwhile is easy to accomplish is there so that we will quit doing the worthwhile things when they become hard.  But if you remember the words of Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own, "the hard is what makes it great."

Paul knew this and reminded the churches of it often.  Keep striving under persecution, because that is spreading the gospel.  Do not worry about what I (Paul) have been through, what has happened to me has helped progress the gospel.  Our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed later.

Denzel Washington, in an acceptance speech at the NAACP Image Awards, spoke of striving forward and said if you "fall down seven times, get up eight."  Just do not try to get up on your own.

The work you are doing is Good work and God will complete it in you.  Let the beginning callings spur you through the current muck to get to the glory, His glory, revealing ending.

I am praying that you can remember, pray for me.

for when you need to pay attention to what you already have

Arches National Park and Canyonlands National Park are located in southern Utah on either side of a town called Moab.  Our family of five, feet donned in brand new hiking boots, took one step after another over the red rocks and sand to take in views of and around arches created by God through the natural elements of wind and rain.  Decades upon decades, centuries upon centuries have slowly at times and quickly at others shaped a landscape that is ever changing and defied our sense of gravity as huge rock are upheld in ways that seem to be impossible because of the smallness of the pillars that keep them there.

From this land of red that towers over everything around it, we drove north to the area surrounding another natural phenomenon, a salt lake no where near an ocean.  The mountains here towered as well, but instead of the red of the south you could see the snow caps vibrantly contrasting against the dark gray of the rock and the green of the trees.  On a hike, that pretty much went straight up, we traveled from fall to winter and were greeted with a Narnia-like atmosphere as we reached the snow line as clumps of white clung to branches and flakes fell on our faces.  At the end we were given the breathtaking--and not just because of the cold--view of a mountain lake surrounded by snow reflecting the peaks in its waters.

After spending five days across the country in an area that touts one gorgeous view after another, it is easy for your heart to find fault in where you are or to find longing to be elsewhere.  I am ashamed to say that when we were in the airport on our way home and our sweet son wondered which passengers around us were here to come home and which were here to visit I scoffed that I wouldn't think anyone flew across the country just to visit Atlanta.  I, in that moment, crushed a bit of his spirit and love for a place that he still finds joy in visiting and gave an example of judgement and displeasure that I do not want to instill in their minds and hearts.

When we go somewhere, whether across the country or just a new friend's home, two reactions can occur, we either look down on it because it is not as good as where we are from or we elevate it because we think it is way better than what we have.  The goal would be to enjoy the beauty of other places or dig to find the beauty in other places while being able to simultaneously do both in your own backyard as well.  Whatever side we are standing on, we need to remember that every patch of grass has a weed or two and that any empty lot can hold a treasure inside.

When talking to the relative we stayed with a few of our nights, I learned that there were million dollar homes nearby whose views were nothing but factories and smoke stacks, that there are specific months of the year where they know they will not be able to see the mountains because the smog is too thick, and that there are certain sides of town that you do not want to live on, not because of crime or poor school districts, but because you will be swarmed by bugs the minute you step outside your door in the summertime.  This information did not take away from the beauty that was there, but it did bring reality to the perfect image my mind had almost instantly created on its own.

Real life, when we were looking at all the beauty the arches had to offer we were doing it wearing rain coats praying for just a bit of blue sky or just a relief from the drops falling in our eyes, but because we had flown across the US we were determined to not let the weather cloud our eyes from the beauty there was to see.  I began to think what if that were my every day, what if I refused to let the the 'weather' tempt my eyes to see anything but the beauty of where I am.

This idea was transferred to a different aspect of life this week while listening to an episode of The Pivot featuring Missy Wallace who founded and leads the Nashville Institute for Faith and Work which helps people see how their given gifts should drive their job search and how using those gifts you have been given can advance the Kingdom in any and every occupation.  When more than a minute is used to explain the way a spreadsheet compares to the character of God, you know she believes wholeheartedly in the concept.

Regardless of the goals we want to achieve and the places that we will be taken in the future, the here and now of where we are is the here and now for a reason and we must search for the beauty of it and our purpose in it.

It is not a coincidence that Colossians was in my reading when we returned home.  At the end of a book that I have read countless times and love so much was a verse that had not yet ever caught my eye.

Pay attention to the ministry you have received in the Lord, so that you can accomplish it. Col. 4:17

This one line was written to a specific person but it is included in this holy text for us all.  We have been given a ministry to be done with the gifts we have been given.  It will not be easy, we will not be perfect at it, there are times where we will look at another in their work and become envious because we think their job is better or easier or more special.  There will be times we elevate ourselves because we think what we are doing is better or easier or more special.  In truth, they are all integral, because there is a need for His people in every aspect of life, every career, every hobby.  In each, His love can be shown and His gospel can be told and the grassroots movement that was started long ago will continue to flourish.

I can be just as thankful and overwhelmed by the beautiful mountains in the west as I am by the pecan trees right outside my door.  I can be just as purposeful to God in the painting of furniture, the typing of words, and the mothering of my children than is the doctor who helps them get better when they are ill.  You are no different.

I am praying for you, praying you see the beauty in the here and now, even if you do still long for the future and praying that you will be able to pay attention to the ministry you have received, so that you can accomplish it.  Pray for me.

Because optimism will fail where hope won't

If it's wrong to learn valuable life lessons through Disney princess movies, I don't want to be right.

Maybe I should rephrase that into a more credible statement.  The gospel is everywhere.  Martin Luther said, "God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars."  So, if it is written in the stars above earth, why not also in the stars above Corona, which just happens to be the fictional Kingdom from the movie Tangled.  If my father in law can quote Rocky movies in his sermons, sharing inner disposition changing lessons courtesy of Rapunzel and Flynn Rider is totally acceptable.

So I'll say it again, if it's wrong to learn valuable life lessons through Disney princess movies, I don't want to be right.

Rapunzel and I have a lot in common, well we have some things in common.  I don't think of her trapped in a tower, held prisoner by a fake mom, but that to her, life in the beginning was filled with happiness, singing, painting, reading, and then doing the same things again over and over with a smiling face because this is life, and you can't change it, so let's look on the bright side while we dance around the room with a chameleon.

But then questions and answers started to not measure up and in one leap from a 'safe' room in the clouds she entered the world and reality hit.  For a bit reality took her down and there she bounced back and forth between what was true and what was not without knowing who and what she was supposed to believe.

I get her, because in a way I was her.  I remember being a super optimistic person who always tried to think the best of everyone, never assumed another was capable of taking advantage of me or others, and that people actually said what they meant as I was wandered through life with my glass half full mindset.  That was, until, a big reality hit and then I was left with a shattered life view and a desito to figure out how to put the pieces back together.

Thankfully, it was a quick turn around to truly understanding that it wasn't my job to be the glue.

As I binge watch Parks and Rec for, I think I've lost count so let's call it, the 100th time, a similar personality can be found in the oh so funny character Chris Traeger.  His seemingly never ending optimism is waning as he is nearing his depths of despair period and I left him just this morning realizing the weight of his mortality as he collapsed on the track while trying to get Andy in shape.  He was desperately trying to solve a problem that we were never created to solve.

Let's face it, there will be days where you want the half full glass you carry around to be filled with something a little bit stronger than water, there will be days where it feels as if hard and difficult fill every second, and when a plucky optimistic voices responds with sunshine and rainbows your desired response is less than loving.

A long analysis of the relationships in the movie Trolls could be inserted here, but I'll spare you...for now.

Optimism is a wonderful character quality that can bring a smile to your face as well as those around you, but optimism does not really mean anything if it's not based upon Truth.  Just as in the familiar scriptures from Corinthians 13 that tell us all the things we can do will be meaningless if we do not have love, all the the bright sides we can muster won't hold up without a true faith.

In Paul Miller's book A Praying Life he calls this type of optimism "Naive Optimism"  "At first glance," he says, "genuine faith and naive optimism appear identical since both foster confidence and hope.  But the similarity is only surface deep.  Genuine faith comes from knowing my heavenly Father loves, enjoys, and cares for me.  Naive optimism is groundless.  It is childlike trust without the loving Father."

Why is this such a big deal?  Because it's a short trip from shattered optimism to heart hardening cynicism.  "You'd think," he also states, "that it would just leave us less optimistic, but we humans don't do neutral well.  We go from seeing the bright side of everything to seeing the dark side of everything."

A life of joy that comes despite your circumstance, a life of finding something to smile about, even when in despair, is reality, but it doesn't come from gumption or personality or a try harder attitude.  This life, this worldview, comes from a life hidden in Christ.  It comes from feet being securely planted in the shadow of His wings.  It comes from knowing the Truth of Psalm 62 that I rest in God alone, my hope comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation and because of that, I will not be shaken.

No empty promises are wanted or needed, just the ones that bring assurance to your soul.

John Piper calls it faith in Future Grace, knowing you can trust the promise that God has plans for you in the future.  I simply call it Hope, living in the present, anticipating the future, because of what Jesus did for me in the past.  He is my bright side, in every scenario.

When those moments come that seem to shatter the optimism you naively built up, don't give up, don't look at all the collateral damage and seek a way to put it together again.  Instead, look harder, past the initial, past the things that are trying to grab your attention with their frustrating ugliness.  Look deep into the picture and find the little thing, the real thing that you need to be setting your eyes on.  Your focus isn't the outside of the ring, your focus is the center, the bulls-eye to your heart.  It is there, in Christ at the center, where you feel the pulse of Hope and when you concentrate there, it will begin to permeate through until you can expand the field of vision back to the shattered pieces and watch as He puts them together again.

Praying for you today, pray for me.

because if you don't tell them, how will they know {September's challenge}

"We live and breathe words..." ~Cassandra Clare

How true is this statement.  Words are very much the life and breath of our days.  They portray our feelings, share our concerns, teach our children, effect our hearts, overwhelm our motherhood, cheer our teams, bring tears at times and smiles at others...I could go on and on.  They, no matter what walk of life, fill our minds to overflowing daily.  Whether those words are read, spoken, thought, signed or even dreamed, our lives are teeming with words to hear, see, and process.

The previous was something shared years ago in a post called "Words" early on in this blog's life.  And recently it has come to mind again as the thoughts of sharing our stories and being transparent with others have been topics of discussion and pondering.   

Writing for others to read can be an intimidating thing and I don't just mean for me.  When you put down words or thoughts in an assignment, a story, a text, a letter, or a quick note, you are taking a piece of your heart and whatever it is full of in that moment and bearing it to the world.  While all words can never be taken back, the written ones are easier to remember than spoken ones because the evidence is before you to be looked at again and again if desired and destroying it requires a purposeful, physical action whether it's just pressing delete or tearing up and burning paper in anger.  I know I can't be the only person who has had an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend bonfire!

While we all have received notes that carry less than positive feelings, we also probably each remember times where left for us or sent to us have been words of full of love, thankfulness, and encouragement.  The best are the ones that come out of the blue.

As we begin to abandon the robotic, social norm answer of how we are and discover ways to be more transparent with others in our everyday conversations we will begin to see and feel how others impact our hearts.  A reader commented with these words when asked a question by a friend if we really should share our hearts with random strangers we just happened to run into during the day...

"...when we are open and honest and honest with people then it might cause them to be more open and honest and help them to share a burden when they might now have otherwise.  It may be a situation where you are definitely out of your comfort zone, however, you may just have the story they need to hear.  So, to answer your question, sometimes you need to open up to people close to you or sometimes you need to open up to a total stranger.  You might be surprised how a total stranger or someone you barely know can minister to you in a profound way and you might minister to them in a way that could change the way they are feeling about themselves and therefore change their life forever!"

When I receive a message or a comment about something I said impacting another in a positive way it doesn't puff of my pride but calms my soul.  Hearing that something you said or did brought peace or joy or understanding or support to another gives you confidence that yes, you are purposeful; yes, God is with you and is using you; yes, you heard and listened and obeyed.  All of these things are true without the response, but as people who were created to be in community, the giving and receiving of words is part of us, part of our given mission.  Proverbs 18:21 says Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Likewise, it is imperative for me to remember that if another's purposefully given words that show appreciation about something I said or did are so impactful in my life, mine to another for the same reason are just as impactful to them.  We do not live in a world of straight lines where we give, another takes and that's the end.  Whether it's positive or negative, what we do creates a cycle.  What we give another always has the potential to effect what they give to the next person.  What I desire to give is love and support to motivate another to continue in the way God has pointed them towards and created them to be so that they can do that for another.

But I know, without Him being the one ruling my heart, there is the potential to create the opposite effect.  That is a fruit, that is not delicious to eat.

So friends, today I have a challenge for you, a task for the month of September that I hope you will not only join in on, but share it with others and then come back and share with me what you did, how it went, or what you learned.

I challenge you, as I am challenging myself, to contact five people.  Think back in life, a week, a year, a decade, to a person who maybe just randomly or maybe completely on purpose spoke something into your life that changed you, something that was said out of the blue or with deep thought that open your eyes to who God made you or in a way you had never seen before.  Find in your memory banks a milestone moment to your heart that was built with just the innocent words of one who did not fear being transparent in a moment.  I know you have them, we all have them.

Step 1:  Pray.  Pray first.  Let the Spirit within your heart guide you to the moment in the person so that the actions and words that come are not from you but from Him.

Step 2:  Write.  Call.  Text.  Whatever.  Reach out and let that person know that this is what they said and it impacted your life more than they would have ever thought, because if you don't tell them, how will they know.

So far on my list is a teacher I had through elementary and middle school, a woman who without knowing has mentored me through really hard life situations, a reader who constantly encourages, a previous employer, and a young child whose smiling face never ceases to brighten my day when I see it.

I am praying for you as we conquer this first challenge An Inner Disposition is setting that you will not only see the cycle that is built from it, but it is one you will want to take on again and again, pray for me.

because when I ask you how you're doing, I really want to know

I had a brilliant idea for a movie, well first it would be a book and then it would be turned into a movie.  You get more out of it that way so I hear, the message lasts longer and reaches more people, more fame piles up.  Obviously, though, the book would still be better than the movie, it always is.

The opening scene would be a woman walking through a door and down a hallway.  Maybe she's in a high rise apartment in New York just getting home from work, maybe she's in her child's school building on her way to a conference, maybe she's just taking a walk around the neighborhood, but regardless of the scene she is walking forward when she comes across another person coming in the opposite direction.  Like all polite people the individual she is passing greets her with a common "hello, how are you?" and then she turns her gaze to the other and PAUSE...

And it is in that pause where the story happens, it is in that slight pause before her response that time stands still.  Her mind flashes back in time rethinking her day, her week, her year and we, as the reader and/or viewer, get to see her story.  We get to see the moment where she walked out of the house without her wallet and phone only to not realize it until the moment the cashier tells her the final total.  We get to see her crying in the car having just hung up the phone after a difficult call.  We get to see her walk out on a job that caused such unprofessional abuse that the money was not worth the pain.  We get to see all the things that are piled on her plate and weighing her down, changing her course of life.  We get to see what is truly on her mind.

And then the end of the movie comes and we are transported back to the hallway, back to the moment she has been asked that familiar question, only to see a polite smile come across her face and hear her say "fine and you?" and then walk past continuing to her destination.

The reason the setting of the story is not important is because it can happen anywhere, does happen everywhere, on a daily, hourly, minutely--pretty sure that's not a word--basis.

"Fine" and "good" are answers we are all too good at giving.  I am reminded of this scenario everywhere.  Recently while pushing a cart full of groceries at Publix, the well mannered stockist, in his well mannered voice, asked how I was doing today.  I responded with the correct" I'm doing well, how about you?" to which he responded "I'm great thank you."  It was a very pleasant exchange that would surely have made his manager happy because at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure, you want your staff to be pleasant.  But, was it true?  For either of us?

Nobody likes to hear someone constantly complain and grump about everything.  Each one of us in our minds can think of that person who we feel is constantly complaining, constantly negative, and wouldn't see a silver lining if it was pointed out to them, but for some reason we have taken our frustration with that one person's behavior and led ourselves to believe that we must never complain, we must never be negative, and in the end what happens is that we keep ourselves from being real.

The hardest place to go through this scenario is at church, and before it seems like I'm being critical, I don't mean my particular church specifically, I mean Church with a capital C.  The places where others who claim to know and love Jesus gather together.  It is an all too common exchange among Christians as well.  We pass in the hall or at an event and hear "good morning, how are you today?" and you assume chances are they are just being polite and are expecting the typical response of "good, how are you?" so you say it, and move on, but, inside, you are thinking about the real answer, and about all the things that are not just good, and you wonder what it would be like to actually say everything you are thinking.  You wonder if they are thinking and feeling the same thing.

Everything I share here is another lesson in my personal sanctification, another lesson in my need to cling to Hope and not to myself.  Though I have never been good at hiding my feelings with my facial expressions--much to my dismay--this was and still can be a familiar part of my everyday and I know I am not alone, which is why I am sharing it with you now.  I am a recovering perfectionist who has been shown in my past the real life danger of hiding my imperfections, and wants to share this with my friends, my family, and with you who I might not know and might never meet, so that you can see it is not only ok to share our true selves, but it is what we were created to do.

We were made, through our identity in Christ, and not by our own strength to 'encourage one another and build each other up' (1 Thes. 5:11), to 'bear one another's burdens' (Gal 6:2) and remind each other that 'He would began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. (Phil 1:6).  

No, you don't have to spread your business to the masses, no you don't have to cast your pearls before all the pigs, but then again you never know which pig really needs to see a pearl.  And if we are solidly clinging to Christ then we can believe about ourselves what Psalm 46 says about the tabernacle, when "God is in the midst of her; she shall not bed moved; God will help her when morning dawns."

Just imagine what it would be like if we not only gave the real answer and shared out hearts when asked, but if we truly expected and desired a real answer from the ones to whom we ask those questions.  What if instead of giving and expecting typical, we gave and expected transparency?  What if we each set the example of sharing our hearts, sharing our sins, sharing our struggles, and really desired others to as well and were ready to listen no matter what it was that they needed to say out loud so that we could encourage them in their walk and point them towards the only One that can bring lasting help.

Lives change in the midst of transparency, hearts are met, burdens are lessened.  Real life happens when you share your realness, it can't happen any other way.

If you have spent your life holding on to all the hard inside only to let it drip out occasionally this is a massive paradigm shift in your life, but it is one worth exploring and practicing until that pause is no longer void of what you are afraid to say but full of what you need to say and what another may be need to hear.  Truth begets truth and that moment of honesty from your end could be just what another needs to finally drop a burden they have been holding on to.  A moment of honesty on another's end could be exactly what you need to drop the burden you have been clutching with both fists as well.

When I ask you how you are doing, I promise, I really want to know, so I am praying for you, challenging you, to let your conversations be real, open, setting up the atmosphere of honest communication where hearts can grow or hearts can heal or hearts can just see God's image in another.  Pray for me.