For twenty minutes this morning I reread through past writings, some shared through May Days some here but hidden, out it in the open, before the courage to share had begun.
I was in search of something to repost, to share again, or for the first time, because the possibility of having some alone writing time today seemed, well impossible. More than one conversation has been had in the last few days about the epidemic of exhaustion on the faces and bodies of mamas, daddies, teachers, coaches, and anyone counting down the days for school to end and today was just another day with multiple engagements on the calendar.
As I read and searched nothing seemed quite right, nothing seemed to fit the thoughts I would have for right now, for this day, for this time and season. Not because the words I read I now disagree with or felt could no longer be helpful or encouraging for someone.
No, all the words I read brought forward many memories, a few smiles, and more than desired hardships, but above all infinite thanks because where I was then I no longer am. Even with the numerous similarities that were brought up of busy schedules, blonde boys, and overwhelming doubt that forever attempts to shadow all of life there was enough different to make me think. Within them I found a hidden gem, a beautiful reminder of faithfulness and sovereignty.
Life is consistently inconsistent, but we are dearly loved through it all.
There will always be Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring. There will always be scary or exciting beginnings. There will always be sad or triumphant endings. There will always be friendships. There will always be heartbreak. There will always be loss. There will always be gains. But none of them will happen the same way twice. All of them will cycle around, over and over in a variety of scenes played out as you go through life seeing, experiencing, and being taken through the challenges and joys that mold and sanctify your heart. But in all the consistent inconsistencies there will always be growth.
During counseling, which I recommend to anyone whether you think you need it or not, when I would get frustrated about having to deal with emotions that I was confident I had gotten past, my pastor would just remind me that I was "a yo-yo on an elevator." I might be doing, dealing with, the same thing over and over but each time I was higher up, I had grown a bit since the previous emotional meltdown, for want of a better word. I was better equipped to understand, to trust, and to recover.
It always reminds me of a poignant line from a beautiful character in a favored show of mine growing up..."we ain't what we should be, we ain't what we're gonna be, but at least we ain't what we were."
It's a beautiful thing to look back and see you are not where you were, but it can be a terrifying thing to look ahead and wonder where you are going to be and if you're even going to make it. Whether the road ahead is bubbling with excitement like college after high school graduation, moving to a different town, starting a new job or racked with the fearful unknown like carrying forward after a devastating loss or heartbreak or working through an experience or relationship where the outcome is still uncertain, you can rest assured that there is Hope, there is promise of renewal, there is growth that will carry you on through the next thing and next thing proving again that you are held in the hand of a loving God who is ever faithful.
No matter what part of your own cycle you are going through right now, I'll be praying for you. Pray for me.