because we are known by our fruit

Recently upon delivering a large amount of dining furniture back to a client after it had resided in our entryway well past its desired time frame, I shared with my boys the 'cash money' I had in my pocket from the work that had been done to it.  To their young minds it was a fortune, when I mentioned that their daddy makes the same amount in less than a day, my middle tenderhearted boy responded, "but mama, for you it's a big deal."

That sweet boy was right, it really was a big deal.

Refinishing furniture is not just a hobby for me, it is an act that not only brings joy, but also a beautiful reminder of redemption, the redemption we have been given in Christ, the promise that we are constantly being made new.

There's a wide range of how these pieces start out.  Some may look past the point of no return, with peeling veneer, cracked doors, and no hardware to be seen.  Some are just downright ugly and at first glance you can't imagine something beautiful resulting in it, much less anything someone would desire to display in their home where another could see it.  The garage always needs extra storage right?  No one cares what things look like in there.

Then, there are those others, that at first glance, and even many glances after, look perfectly fine. The shape is good, there are no apparent cracks or blemishes, and the color is pleasing to the eye, but as they are used or walked past something is just not right.  Appearance isn't everything, because even the most perfect looking pieces still might not quite fit in the area they are intended to be in or or go well with the other pieces around them.  

No matter the category I place each piece in, there is the need for a caring touch, a change, or a little rearranging so that they are used to the best of their ability to benefit the one who owns them.

It may seem like a stretch to another, but in my mind it is now perfectly clear.  Created in God's image, yet an imperfect creature in this fallen world, no matter how I appear from the outside whether to the point of no return or appearing to have it all together, He knows my potential.  God sees my end goal, he has planned my possibilities and lovingly placed the Holy Spirit at work to strip, sand, paint, and seal my heart.  

Before clarity hit, there was a mental struggle between the desire to make things beautifully, efficient and the risk of appearing as if I was just masking the mess inside.  In a world where we are given the opportunity to just flaunt our perfection in front of others while we take all the dirty stuff out of the frame, appeared beauty can be damaging to the hearts of others instead of healing.  Beauty was meant to be gazed upon, but beauty does not mean perfection.  We need to let it all shine, dirt included!  So how do I justify--not just justify--but show obedience to my creator, by making the broken, beautiful as far as to the tangibles here on earth?

You will know them by their fruit.  

All the home depot trips, sanding dust, paint stained clothes, and broken fingernails are not a vain attempt at producing beauty, but the necessary side effects to gain the fruit produced by a finished piece.  To let it serve a purpose to another in the way it was created to serve.

All the mess-ups, pitfalls, missteps, meltdowns, and do overs are also not vain attempts at producing beauty in us, but the necessary side effects to enable us to produce the fruit we were planted on earth to produce. 

"Nothing is more important in your life than being God's tool to form a human soul." ~Paul David Tripp

We will be known by our fruit.

Reading these verses about fruit scattered through the gospel books has awoken my mind to recognize fruit in others, both the real characters through the bible stories whose actions were a direct result of the spirit indwelling within them, and in other quite tangible people walking on earth right in step with me.  Just as recognizing good fruit can guide you to others who are revealing Good to others, fruit on the opposite side of the gauge can guide you to others who are in need, hearts that are drowning and need a friend and a little care.

In his commentary of James, NT Wright says, "Often that's all it takes, someone you trust says one or two sentences, and a door opens into a whole new world." Good fruit is not just pretty to look at, it is nourishing as well.

Refinishing furniture is not the secret to understanding God's way of revealing fruit in your life.  We each have gifts given to us, most of us have several gifts, and each of them reveal the One from whom the gifts came and if they are being used fruit IS being produced.  It is not something you have to figure out how to do on your own.  A gardener can not attach fruit to the outside of a tree's branch, a gardener cares for the tree so that the fruit is able to grow as it was made to do.  Likewise, we are not in charge of producing the fruit, we are in charge of cultivating the gifts that God uses to produce it. 

I am praying for you to not only recognize your gifts and the fruit that is coming from them, but how to use those fruits to help another flourish.  Pray for me.

bible in a year: week 7

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."

I got behind a couple days this week and had to spend a good amount of time on Saturday getting caught up.  But behind or not, I am loving what I am learning through out this year.  The habit to dig into and familiarize myself with this story in its entirety.  This one story that weaves itself in and out of each individual book.  It holds a beauty that nothing will ever come close to comparing to.

Genesis 45-50, Exodus 1

Brothers making peace, Father and Son reunited.  Forgiveness.  This story was just all the things!  When Joseph, overcome by emotion, can no longer hold in the truth and yells out so loudly that it was heard outside, "I AM JOSEPH" I felt the emotion.  Weeping on his brother Benjamin's shoulder and then again on his Father's.  Y'all.

Joseph knew his purpose, the reason God had allowed and orchestrated the difficulties of his earlier life.  He was sent ahead of them to preserve life.  He tells them when he reveals his identity and then again after the death of their father.  "You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result--the survival of many"  He pioneered this area to preserve the life of God's people, to place them in an area where they can grow and prosper. and they did.

The 12 tribes of Israel.  The sons of Jacob.  Continuing to carry on the promise made to Abraham years ago.  More numerous than the stars.  

But then comes Exodus.  And even though Joseph was told by Jacob that God would bring them out of Egypt and then Joseph told his brothers that God would bring them out of Egypt, I doubt any of them would realize how that story would play out.  God doesn't just easily bring them out of Egypt.  First they prosper, then they are enslaved.  Struggle comes before deliverance.  Is it so we glorify God all the more when deliverance comes?

Mark 15-16, Luke 1-4

Mark closes out his gospel with the death and resurrection and then Luke begins to tell the story himself in a letter to Theophilus, a fact I had never realized until this week.  Two things from the end of Mark that stood out to me were both about women in the narrative of Jesus.  The woman who anointed him with perfume, the woman they looked down upon for "wasting" such expensive perfume, was lifted up by Jesus when he said, "Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will also be told in memory of her."  She was remembered for her dedication to her Lord, she was remembered by her fruit.  Again, after the resurrection, he appears to Mary Magdalene, a woman who loved and followed him devotedly.  Mark describes her as a woman out of whom he drove out seven demons.  Did I know this before?  She not only knew of His power, but had experienced that power and devoted herself to Him since.  

I don't know if we should read into the female/male aspects of these situations or not, but I do love the dedication of these women, their love for Jesus, and their commitment to being near him no matter the situation.

Job 11-17

Alright, full disclosure, Job confuses the heck out of me.  Not Job the person, Job the book.  I'm trying to hang in there, I'm getting the jist, but I know there is TONS I am missing.  If anyone knows of any book, study, sermon series, anything that might help shed some light on this I would love to know about it.

However, one thing I did fully understand was a simple sentence Job uttered to his friend.  A sentence I have been tempted to say to others many times in life.  "If only you would shut up and let that be your wisdom."  Sometimes shutting up is the best thing you can do.  If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all.  There is a reason this phrase is uttered by everyone everywhere.  

Words can bring the most comfort in the midst of the darkest times, but they can also be a hammer that drives the nails in deeper.  Watch your words, don't say them just for the sake of saying them.  Sometimes, wisdom comes from silence, and just standing closely by.

Romans 15-16, 1 Corinthians 1-5

Paul can straight write a closing paragraph.  "Now to him who is able to strengthen you according to my gospel and the proclamation about Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery that was kept silent for long age but now revealed and made known"...  He gives you strength through the gospel, this mystery that His people had been waiting for for so long that has now been revealed through Christ.  To Him, and his amazingly sovereign, encompassing plan, to Him be the glory.

And now Paul begins the next letter, this time to the Corinthians, urging them to be united under the one true Gospel, reminding them that we are all under Jesus, not the one who happens to be telling you about him.  How often we honor the messenger instead of the One his message is about.  It's difficult at times because people we can understand and much of God is a mystery, but we are managers of that beautiful mystery, those plans that God has ordained and omnisciently pieced together.  Honor Him, not others.  Learn that we can not add to what has been said, "NOTHING beyond what is written."

But you have to look carefully at what is written.  Though the Word can be applied to many parts of your life, there is only one Truth that can be extracted from it.  I learned this week that I might have been told, taught, or thought, I'm not sure which, a meaning from scripture that wasn't exactly right.  

In 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, Paul says, (my paraphrasing) I wrote to you to not associate with sexually immoral, greedy, idolatress people BUT I did not mean immoral people of the world (non-believers); otherwise you would have to leave the world (because there are so many you wouldn't be able to do anything or go anywhere).  I actually wrote to not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister who is doing these things.

We are warned to stay away from the "bad" kids, "bad" people of the world.  Yes, there is a need to be careful and show wisdom, but we can not cocoon ourselves from the world, we are to enter into the world and show Truth.  THIS is being like Jesus.

for when it is impossible

A week ago, huddled around a phone screen at the piano teacher's home, eight of us watched as a rocket named Falcon Heavy was launched into space.  After the countdown, clouds of gray and red came bursting forth from the base of the rocket in apocalyptic proportions as the engines were, quite literally, fired.  It exploded upward and in 3 minutes it was out of our Earth's atmosphere and in space.  3 minutes.

Just days before, while quizzing my oldest for a social studies quiz, he informed me that the Wright brother's first flight in 1903 was 59 seconds long and lifted only 852 feet off the ground.

A lot has changed in 115 years.

Those two brothers stood on a beach accomplishing a task that not too long before, others considered impossible.  Those same two brothers would have thought to themselves that the out-of-this-world triumph we most recently witnessed, would also have been impossible.

You know, they were right.  In their finite view of the world, it was impossible.

We live in a time, and a country for that matter, where possibility is waved at us like a banner.    And, while I'm beyond grateful for the freedoms we are able to possess, there is also a temptation, and a command, to be way too self sufficient.  If the words "I Can't" dare to escape from our mouths than we are automatically seen as not courageous enough, or adventurous enough, or appreciative enough, or faithful enough, or just plain not trying hard enough. "I Can" should be our mantra instead, whispering "yes I can" to ourselves over and over like a little engine that is pulling a load way too heavy up a hill. 

But ya'll, impossible pops in on the daily because on my own, everything is just plain impossible.  Raising my children to be Godly men when I'm a hot mess of sinfulness is impossible.  Accomplishing every item on the ongoing list of things to do is impossible. Getting through the day without stumbling is impossible.  Forgiving others, loving others, remembering others, appreciating others.  All of it, all of the time, is impossible.  My bootstraps keep breaking, there's nothing to pull up.

So I am here to tell you this, listen carefully.  It is OK for impossible to be a thought that often flies through our minds.  It is normal that impossible is often used to describe a goal that is set before us.  It is natural for the impossibility of things to bring you to your knees at the brink of frustration, desperation, and beyond. 

It does not make you a person of little faith to have uttered those words.  We need to understand what impossible feels like, and for very important reasons.  Without the concept of impossible, we would not, after breaking down because of all the impossibilities, later be able to stand in unadulterated awe when the impossible actually happens.

We were created in limited humanity.  We were created for dependency on something else, because we are just not able on our own.  Our vision is limited, our vision only sees black and white, God is the one who puts in the color.

"How dull the world would be if we limited ourselves to the possible.  The only God who seems to me to be worth believing in is impossible for mortal man to understand and therefore, He teaches me through the impossible." ~Madeleine L'Engle

Why would I need to throw myself at the feet of the Savior, why would I think to rest peacefully in the hands of my Creator, if everything was possible?  The answer, I wouldn't.  If all the things we imagined we immediately had the ability to do where would our boasting go?  Even those immediates we are already skilled to do are apart from us because "the reason it comes easy to us is because God has gifted us the ability to do it."

"Our way lies not in human ingenuity, but in a return to God." says Billy Graham.  God is my why and my how.  For Him and through Him, are all things.  Every. single. one.

Praying that your impossibles don't lead you to yourself, but my God of all the impossibilities.  The one who exists to accomplish the impossible.  Pray for me.

bible in a year: week 6

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."

Genesis 38-44

So, I find it interesting that Judah, who is in the line of Jesus has just one short chapter explaining how he fathered twin boys by his sons' widow and then nothing else, but we have a HUGE story about Joseph, and man WHAT A STORY!

Joseph goes from low to high and low to high again, but not in emotion or spiritual presence, just in stature and societal importance.  The Lord made everything he did successful, even in prison.  And throughout all of it Joseph called on God, believed God was with him, knew His words were not His own but the ones God spoke through him.

Here's the deal, God needed Joseph to be a leader in Egypt.  The steps he took to get Joseph there didn't look fun or pretty but they were the ones He chose to use to make Joseph who He needed him to be.  And in the end He was able to save the lives of his brothers, they were able to have hearts changed by grief that showed in their fruit.  

Yeah, yeah, Joseph threw them in jail for three days, but I mean, when you get thrown in a pit and sold into slavery even the most holy of brothers has some anger to work out ;-)

Mark 8-14

Is it bad that one of my favorite verses was "sighing deeply in his spirit"  Obviously this was holy frustration because it's Jesus, but seriously He has had about enough of the pharisees.

I also cracked up at the verse describing the transfiguration that said, "extremely white as no launderer on earth could whiten them."  I read this two days after the Super Bowl where Tide laundry detergent definitely won by vote for best commercials!

In all seriousness though, these chapters in Mark are jam packed!  He shoves in a whole lot of stories in very few words.  Summarizing will be a tough job because there are so many specific stories instead of a few big ones so bullet points are coming at you.  These are the things that popped up, made me think, made me smile, or caused my heart to want to change.

* Mark 8 and Jesus talking to the about bread.  Just know, He will ALWAYS provide.

* 8:33, 35 You are not thinking of God's concerns but human concerns...whoever loses his life because of me and the gospel will save it.  

* 9:24 I do believe, help my unbelief

* 9:29 This kind can come out by nothing but prayer

* 9:35 be a servant of ALL

* After living through the hardest of marriage situations, Mark 10:9 remains a constant comfort knowing that what God has joined together, let no man (even yourself) separate.

* Mark 10 and receiving the kingdom like a child!  Dependently, openly, humbly.

* Like the rich young ruler, are my possessions ever keeping me from being in the Kingdom?  What possessions am I holding above Him?

* inspired by Mark 10:43-45, leadership corrupts you, so even in a position of leadership, be a servant.

*  The blind man in Mark 10 knew exactly what he wanted and said it to Jesus, I want to see.  Go to him with my specific requests.  He already knows my heart, let me be honest with him when I speak.  

* The widow gave from her poverty.  What do I give from?  Is there something I am short on that I can give out of that truly will be a felt sacrifice to my Father?

*ENDURE.  It is necessary that the gospel be preached to the nations.  You will be hated because of it, but the one who endures will be saved.  His Spirit helps us endure.

*THEN they will see the Son of Man coming in the clouds with great power and glory.

*Heavens and Earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.

Job 4-10

He has one friend telling him all the things God can do if only he'll repent of whatever evil he did.  He has another friend preaching him a prosperity gospel where if you do right, you get blessed.  

And there is Job, lamenting, laying bare his emotions, wishing not that he no longer existed, but that he never did.  Job knows he had zero hope on his own and had zero problems letting out his anguish.  He never tried to buck up and fix it by himself.  He knows no matter if it is in his suffering or in his joy, he is completely dependent on God.

Romans 8-14

I'm running out of mental capacity tonight as I attempt to collect my thoughts from the week.  This is not good when you're turning to Romans and seeing Romans 8 first on the list.  I feel as if I might as well just type out the next seven chapters word for word because only then could I have even attempted to include all the wealth there is within these pages.  

For the first seven chapters of this book Paul tried to explain to us our deep need and convince us of the one place those needs could be met, in the righteousness of Christ.  Now, understanding that, here comes the so now...  

Now because of Christ's righteousness that you are now living in after dying to yourself, there is no condemnation, there is a spirit of life and peace, there is an inheritance because of being adopted as His.  No sufferings can compare to the glory he can now reveal in us.  The Spirit, the helper, prays for us, intercedes for us, is wish us and nothing, nothing can separate us now.

We are chosen, selected, here for a purpose.  Zeal for God is good, but its resting in his righteousness that saves and it's simple.  Confess with your mouth, believe in your heart.  And now use those beautiful feet to bring the good news.  Have gospel, will travel.

We don't understand it, we can't understand.  He is unsearchable in his judgement, untraceable in his ways.  From him and through him are ALL things.  He is sovereign.  

Present yourself to him, sacrifice yourself to him.  Do not conform to the world, but to Christ.  and after that you are able to think of others first, using our gifts for Him, loving humbly, hoping, rejoicing with others, weeping with others, not repaying evil but living at peace knowing that He has it, vengeance and forgiveness alike.

Love will fulfill the law.

No need to walk in the darkness but to now wear the armor of light.  All the while remembering that we each have a journey with God that requires different things of us though all towards the same goal.  As long as it is for the Lord, those differences don't matter so why judge another for what they are having to walk in and through.  Instead pursue peace and build others up.

bible in a year: week 5

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."

Genesis 30-37

Jacob is married to two women, sisters, and now building his own family while still living in his father in laws land.  The two sisters are basically having a baby war to see who can conceive the most for their husband with either themselves or their slaves they have given to him.  At one point they Rachel trades a week of sex with Jacob for some food one of Leah's sons brought home.  The competition and tension around the tents must be extreme!  At the beginning of this week Jacob is still not my favorite.  He still seems a little shady in his dealings with Laban, but then Jacob opens up and shares his heartache of working for twenty years for his wives and flocks, being paid little, never knowing when Laban was going to switch things around and you start to see that the life and status he was given through Isaac might have been from deception but that his road didn't end up being an easy one in the end either.  

Jacob changed.  God changed him.  He comes face to face with his own sin and life choices and wrestles with the Lord.  His fear of meeting up with Esau shows that he knows what he did was not right and knows that Esau has the right to be angry with him.  The moment Esau runs up and hugs him reminds me of the story of the father in the prodigal son.  And as these two brothers, both changed by God through time and maturity, surrounded by their immense volume of people and possessions, weep together my Hamilton loving heart sings to itself, "Forgiveness...Can you Imagine?"

And here we are at the end of Rebecca and Isaac's life and at the beginning of the lives of Jacob's children.  Once again strife caused by the jealousy of brothers, once again God holding the stories in his hand as he directs their steps and their lives to the exact proper place he needs them to be through difficult circumstances that eventually bring tremendous blessing to many.

Mark 1-7

Moving from one Gospel straight into another is interesting.  Similar stories, very different writing styles.  mark is short and to the point.  Not much flowery language, no need for tons of details.  It's as if he is a hurry to get it all down before he forgets or as if he is telling the story to children and know that they will lose their attention if he doesn't get it all out in a quick fashion.

But even with the similar stories there are many that jump out that didn't before.  The friends carrying their paralyzed friend and lowering him through the roof will always remain one of my absolutely favorite stories.  Those are the friends I want to have.  That is the friend I want to be.  Knowing that being close to Jesus is so crucial you will go to any means to get before him.

I was struck by the description of the sabbath being made for man, not man for the sabbath.  We were not made to uphold it, it was made for us to enjoy.  A gift of rest, not a burden to maintain.  

In Mark 5 as Jesus heals and drives out demons the phrase they "ran and fell at his feet" is repeated in every interaction.  They rushed to be near him and humbled themselves before him.  Run and fall.  Its the only way to be picked up.   The man who once was possessed now begs Jesus to let him come with him after the rest of his town begged Jesus to leave.  Jesus asks him to stay and tell others about what was done for him.  Fear kept those others from Christ, but Love kept this one man behind so that he could be a witness to them.

There's another verse in Mark 6 about rest.  "Come away by yourselves to a remote place and rest for awhile" Jesus says after they have come back from preaching, healing, driving out demons, etc.  Rest is important in the work of God.  Rest keeps you abiding in Him instead of working out of exhaustion for yourself.

One of the last lines of this week's reading in Mark says "He has done everything well."  That is Jesus.  

Esther 6-10

Mordecai is honored, Haman is executed, the Jews are given victory over all of their enemies, the King is used by God to accomplish this task, and Esther fulfills her duty in this place in time.  And still to this day they are remembered and God is glorified on the 14th and 15th of Adar.

Job 1-3 

And now we move on to Job, a most confusing book at times.  A quote for John Piper states that "Job has about 29 chapters of misapplied theology in the middle.  It's hard to navigate your way through those chapters and determine what is true and what is not, because these guys [Job's friends] are mixing up truth and falsehood all over the place..."

The big lesson we will learn from Job is that God is Sovereign over everything, our suffering and our happiness.  In the meantime, as I am counting on wise people on the interwebs to help me figure this book out, I am floored by Job's immediate reaction following the news.  Before he sits in complete silence for 7 straight days and nights he utters the words, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Romans 1-7

Romans.  Ya'll, and I thought the book of Matthew had a lot!  Romans is a book that can be read countless times and should be read countless times.  It is so foundational in understanding the gospel and why and how we are able to have it and what happens within us by the work of the Spirit to enable us to live and grow and as our inner dispositions change and become more like Christ.  Paul has a desire to explain, very carefully and methodically, what it means to be saved by faith and not by works.  Immediately born in sin without anything we have yet done because of one man's sin and then immediately righteous through nothing we have done because of Christ.  

In this chapters Paul shows us our need for a savior.  He explains clearly yet confusingly that we do not do what we want to do but do what we don't want to do.  Our minds know what should be done yet we are unable to produce the actions.  Try all we might there is no good in me.  Our youngest son cried this desperate words tonight, "I am never going to be a good person." after getting caught lying covering up a mistake.  The truth, I reminded him again, is that you will not ever be a good person on your own no matter how hard you try.  He, like all of us before we truly understand, is constantly living in the guilt of his own shortcomings, a necessary step before seeing, truly seeing, that Jesus is the only way.  A simple step that can sometimes be one of the hardest to take.

because I want them to be kind and helpful

The church we are slowly becoming more than the "new guys" in, even though I quite often still feel very new, puts out a parent newsletter each month and included in it is a thought from one of the parents about, wait for it, parenting.  Yeah, that wasn't much of a twist.  Short story shorter, I was asked to contribute and because of that, I am sharing the same with you.

Honestly though, this is not an out of the box idea for our space together.  Within the theme of changing your inner dispositions and being renewed day by day, parenting fits in perfectly.

  

Disclaimer:  I am far from the perfect parent.  Recently I saw a t-shirt that said "to be honest, I'm just winging it.  life, motherhood, my eyeliner, everything."  It's scary how true that feels at times.  There are days where I feel so downright inadequate that I question why God placed these three handsome boys in my possession and has asked us to be open to the possibility of bringing another into our home.  Clearly, to me at least, someone else would be able to care for their lives and hearts much better than myself and my husband.  I cling to the verse in 1 Peter 4:8 that says Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  Please Lord let my love for them, the love you have instilled within me, be enough to cover by screw ups

Being the perfect parent is impossible.  I laughed out loud when I read this quote from Holly Sprink, "As those of you with children know, rational parenting is like the Loch Ness Monster.  We all hope it's out there somewhere, but we don't know anyone who has actually discovered it (and if we do come across someone who claims to have found it, deep down we think that person is a little off.)"

Besides marriage, parenting is the number thing that forces you to see your own imperfections, your own straight up sin, and therefore see your constant need for changed dispositions living within your heart.  As Sue Detweiler said, "Moms are not perfect--we are being perfected"  That goes for you as well dads!  My children are the constant vehicle God uses to achieve much of my redeeming.  It is a common occurrence that I will suddenly stop during the correction of my own children as the Spirit reveals how much I need the very words I am sharing for their benefit.

We begin our parenting careers with lots of expectations and goals.  If you are alive on this earth it is because you yourself were born and have been parented, whether it was by your natural parents or not, and because of that, probably created two subconscious lists.  The first being the ways you want to parent exactly how your parents did and the second being the ways you want to parent the exact opposite of how your parents did.  Add those methods to the ones we glean from simply watching those around us, the books we read, and the mentors, we have, and in our back pockets we think we have all the secrets.

One of my favorite quotes is from a book written by Ray Blackstone, "We spend vast amounts of time and energy crafting a thesis in our heads of how life should play out then almighty God spends an incredibly brief amount of time blowing our thesis to bits."  And my boys are the cannonballs.

If there was one thing I learned early in parenting, and learned the hard way, it was that I wasn't going to be able to force my will, every one of my perfect parenting desires, on my own children and the lesson came because of a pair of flip flops.  At age three our oldest son owned two pairs of flip flops, one pair was red and the other was blue.  He, in all his little boyness, was determined to wear one of each, on the wrong feet, everywhere we went because he liked both colors and couldn't choose.  I in all my 'people are going to think I'm a terrible parent because my child doesn't match and has his shoes on the wrong feet" pridefulness was determined he was not going to do that.  I can not remember the number of times this battle took place, but I do remember that besides my child finally obeying and therefore me "winning," it did nothing to develop our relationship.

Yes, there are hard battles that must be fought as a parent to help your children trust and obey you and to grow and learn as a human, but y'all, flip flops is not one of them.  And I would argue there are a whole lot more that are not as well.  You can't die on every hill, it will leave you and your babies exhausted and with plenty of relational wreckage.

I am convinced it was God's gift of Grace that those lessons came so early, because from that time on my heart for parenting began drifting another way, though is still very much in process.  Instead of a focus on what we did not want them to do, it shifted more towards what DID we want them to do?  Yes, at the very deepest root we want them to know they were created uniquely and very much on purpose by an all knowing all loving God, that He gave them Jesus as their Savior, and then that savior left His Spirit on earth to indwell in them as a guide through life.  But there are countless outlets in which to be the body of Christ and many character qualities that those members of the body portray.  Which did we want to instill?

Prayer, search, experience, and discussion led to Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Kindness, helpfulness. paying attention so that you can build up others in regards to the specific needs, being an example and benefit to any and everyone listening.  Yes to all of that.

We not have two main words we filter much of our parenting through, Kind and Helpful.  These two words come up in our encouragement of them, in our correction of them, and though there are occasional eye rolls when they have to repeat the two words in discussion with us, it is beginning to be etched on their hearts as it comes out in their own self correction as they notice that the words and actions they are doing are not kind towards another or helpful to another.

We as believers want to be known by our love, are told in scripture that "we will be known as His disciples by our love."  As parents we want our boys to learn to love by "counting others more significant than themselves,"  To be of kind service and helpful words, kind words and helpful service.

These are not the only character qualities beneficial to the Kingdom, nor are they the only ones we discuss in our home, but they are what fits best with our family right now, in the places God has placed us, and are subject to change as God changes us.

Now, I encourage you, to see what character you are already leading your children, or yourself in if God has seen fit to bless you in other ways.  Or if there is not any that already come to mind, gather together as a family, or first go to the Lord alone, to pray and see in what ways you are being led to benefit the Kingdom here on earth.  Is it through Strength in times of trouble, is it with Courage to step out into the unknowns, is it to be Gentle in the midst of harsh surroundings?

I pray for you today as you ask, seek, knock, and find not only the ways your inner dispositions need to change in parenting, but that newness will be revealed as God continues His redemptive work, pray for me.

bible in a year: week 4

This year a goal has been set to read the entirety of God's word and there is a host of women joining in on the journey.  Failure is always an option as we are each imperfect people but it is never a reason to give up!  Whether each day is done without fail, catch ups are needed, or some have to stop for a variety of reasons, each word read, no matter how many, will lead us to grow in wisdom, grace, and fellowship with both us and our creator.

It took less than a day of reading to get a deeper understanding of why one can study the bible for a lifetime and still glean new things.  In truth a lifetime is not enough.  As Saint Augustine said, "The bible is shallow enough for a child not to drown, yet deep enough for an elephant to swim.  Each verse opens up a new thought, a new question, a new understanding of what God has done and sometimes a confusion of why He is doing it.  In moments of questions research is good but there are times where I need to submit to His authority remembering what A.W. Tozer said in his book Pursuit of God, "God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination, and the divine sovereignty.  The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience.  Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."

Genesis 23-29

The story of Abraham and Sarah comes to an end and the next generations carry on with the promise of Abraham as it's called being given down to them, first to Isaac, and then to Jacob.  Isaac's story is almost identical to his father's as he is given the same promise, deceives Abimelech just as his father did, and eventually makes an accord with him.  But then comes the end of Isaac's life and deception between brothers.  Esau loses his blessing when Jacob and his mother plan to deceive Isaac leaving Esau with no blessing, little inheritance comparatively, and a heart full of anger towards his brother.  

It's hard not to feel sympathy towards Esau.  It seems as if he could do nothing right.  He picked the wrong wives, worked hard to hunt for his father and make him a meal he loved only to come back and see that someone else had beaten him to it, and then trying to please his father by marrying a woman he thought he'd approve of.  I want redemption for Esau.  I want Jacob to see the pain he's caused.  And later, that happens, but for now we are left confused a little bit because we don't understand how this is fair?  But then we remember that fairness does not have much to do with it.  As we also see in the readings in Matthew, lots about the story of Christ is anything but fair.  It's not about us proving ourselves and getting rewarded because we got it right.  It's all about God working through us, in our sin and deception, and making Himself known so that the glory is always His and never because of what we have done.

But even with that knowledge, parts of us still get excited when the first thing that happens to Jacob when he wants a wife, is deception against him.  Eh, we're human after all ;-)

Matthew 22-28

Lies and deception were a big theme this week and they were all over Matthew.  The Jewish leaders just straight making stuff up to destroy Jesus and hopefully destroy His message from spreading.  Pilate even knows it's a bunch of crap and washes his hands of the situation.  If we're talking about fairness, the story of the crucifixion is the epitome of unfair.  In less than a day he's arrested, tried, condemned, and crucified for literally NO reason.  

And here's why, there needed to be NO reason.  It needed to be completely unfair because our salvation is unfair too, praise be to God.  Mercy and Grace.  Not getting what we deserve (eternal punishment) and getting what we don't deserve (eternal life in heaven) because of Christ.

Nehemiah 12-13

We left Nehemiah with a crowd eager for the word of God and making vows.  The last thing the people vowed was to not neglect the house of God.  Now here we are just a few years later and Nehemiah (their leader) has returned to his service with the King.  And now Nehemiah hears of what has happened in his absence like the sabbath not being recognized, workers for the temple not being paid appropriately which causes them to leave, and storerooms being used to house friends and family.  Some of his first words when he returns are why have you neglected the house of God.  In his absence, they lost their way, and with it they lost their view of God.  Over and over and over again we are going to see the people of the Old Testament fall away and repent, fall away and repent.  It is an interesting comparison in this case and in many others that it's when the person they looked to for leadership needs to leave for a bit.  Without a leader we are lost.  Without someone to point us to God, we will not go there ourselves.  Enter the need for Christ.

Acts 22-28

So Paul's life and story is getting intense!!  He's back in Jerusalem and is speaking to an angry mob, and what is he saying, his testimony.  The first time of many in these last chapters of Acts.  They listened intently until he mentioned his words being for the Gentiles as well and then all hell breaks loose.  The anger they feel when their beliefs are challenged and are subject to change is frightening.  The only thing that saves him is the Romans when he tells them he is a citizen of Rome and the fight he starts between the Sanhedrin and the Pharisees.  Under Roman protection he is taken to Caesarea and deception rules again as the priests flat out lie about him in testimony.  Again Paul's defense is his testimony, the only defense any of us truly have against the only One whose judgement matters.  For two years Paul is left in prison awaiting judgement and for two years he speaks to others in leadership about the gospel.  Then having appealed to Caesar he placed before another King and again defends himself with his testimony.  Another power leader in Rome is hearing the gospel!  Now he sails for Rome under Roman guards and they shipwreck after not heading Paul's advice.  He comforts them and guarantees their safety and they wreck on Malta where he preaches and heals and gains favor with the people who help them all on their way.  I wish I could hear what those Centurions were thinking and feeling as they watched Paul minister!  Finally they make it to Rome and still prisoner in a way he is allowed to live in a home for another two years welcoming visitors who have made appointments with him to hear more of the gospel without hindrance from anyone.

Steadfast comes to mind with thinking about Paul.  God was steadfast in his life by protecting him and giving him opportunity after opportunity to spread the gospel.  Paul was steadfast in that he used every opportunity God gave him to spread the gospel.  He saw each hardship as another avenue for Christ to be spoken of, with all boldness and without hindrance.

January is almost over and so far we have finished four books of the bible and are almost done with two others.  After typing up two of these summaries today I got first hand experience with the difficulty of getting behind.  At one point I began not even caring what I had read or what I was going to write about it because my brain was tired and couldn't focus.  A break helped rest my thoughts and give me new desire to finish it out anyway.  Hoping that it is beneficial to someone other than me.

Reading and writing plans are a lot like laundry, manageable if you stay on top of them, but pile up quickly if you don't.  I know it's hard and if you have gotten behind already, which we know is easy to do, quitting is very tempting.  I hope you don't.  Tomorrow is a new day with new passages.  Let's start fresh together!